What are the pros and cons of pursuing a girl with a child?

I'm not too thrilled about dating single girls who have children. I'm a single guy and don't have any children to my knowledge.

Maybe I'm closed minded and am letting my personal biases cloud my judgment. It can't possibly be as bad as I think it is... Right?

Anyways... I'm interested in reading your pros and cons.


Most Helpful Girl

  • There's nothing wrong with how you feel because getting involved with a woman with kids takes a lot more commitment. If you're not ready to be there for the woman and her child/ren then it's unfair to her to think she has a future with you. She has to consider her children too, getting close to you.

    If you feel like you are okay with getting to know a woman with kids, and feel like you are up for a lot more going on in your relationship and you can get past the fact she likely has an ex that will always be in the picture, if you can handle that and mature enough to accept it, then you will make one woman very very happy.

    But nothing says you must do this. If you feel children are not right for you, or you are not comfortable with being an almost-step-dad, then you need to back off and let the woman and her children detach and maybe find someone else who will be. There is no wrong answer, even though some people you must accept the kids. You don't have to. You can choose to only date women without children if that will make you happier.

    You can't help you fall in love with though and if you meet a woman and you can't help but love her for all she is including her children, then a lot of that falls in to place for you naturally because you'll want everything about her to be part of your world too. But if your love is merely attraction at first and you don't feel this way, then no kids is perfectly fine just to save you and her and her kids any ill feelings.

    I personally have never been great with guys with kids - I am childfree by choice. Therefore my choices in the past have been child-free guys. The two I've dated with kids were not good relationships for me because I was not comfortable with children and didn't know it at the time. I love my adult-oriented life too much.

    • You're interesting. No kids ever huh? You know what you want and I hope it's working for you.

      I'm "reluctantly"good with children. I have a natural nurturing/mentor mentality that meshes well with their never-ending curiosity.

      I say reluctant because I feel impotent and immasculine for not having kids of my own. They will always be another man's creation and I serve as a tool that safeguards their mistakes and negligence. I'm the sucker that signed off on inheriting another man's toxic debt.

      But kids are not toxic debt. They are not mistakes. I like kids, and as I said, we get along. But that feeling of inadequacy persists. The jealousy. The inferiority. The comparisons... These are the unshakeable feelings that make it a deal breaker.

    • Show All
    • Yep. Because I'm certainly none of the examples you gave. LOL

    • Thanks for MH :) Good luck in your search!

Have an opinion?

What Girls Said 2

  • I wasn't going to comment on this until I read your comment , A tool that safeguards their mistakes and negligence. Meaning the parents right , First of all everybody makes mistakes. One mistake might have been in one area such as kids , And another mistake might be regarding something else that you've mad that other people might not accept. So many people dodge mistakes when it comes to conception , Have you ever thought that some people did take precaution in not getting pregnant but got pregnant anyway. They used a condom and took birth control pills but still got pregnant , It just so happen it didn't happen on your watch. Don't get me wrong you have a choice not to want women with kids , I was the same way. But as you get older and wiser your perspective changes , By the way I think it's a myth when people say it's harder for women to get a man with kids. Really what is this the 60's , Have you realize people are getting married these days 3 and 4 times with kids. I kinda understand where you're coming from , Because it's hard finding a man with no kids. But I don't like dating men with a lot of kids , I never have dated a man with a lot of kids. Normally they didn't have no more than 1 or 2 , I don't want to go pass that.

    • In 10 years I'll start having this conversation. As of right now, I'm at a different stage.

  • Pros: she's most likely not the type to play games, if she pursues you she thinks you're worthy enough to be in her child's life, she probably has a good head on her shoulders, motherhood makes a lady confident, milf status, she probably knows what's important in life, she probably learned to cook, her kid might be awesome, she might live in yoga pants

    Cons: her schedule might be busy, there's always going to be one thing more important than you, she might be tired a lot


What Guys Said 2

  • Pros: literally none. Nothing about a woman being a single mom makes her a better person in any way.

    Cons: the biggest downside is having to financially and resourcefully and with your time, provide for a child who biologically is not yours and won't pass on your genes. Something I won't do

    Also the woman tends to be sluttier and more impulsive (why didn't she get married and stay married before having the kid?)

    And the woman tends to lack intelligence on average (usually she got played and tricked, and she was too dumb to use protection either or to want to use it. This shows her dumb emotional nature, her lack of planning, and her inability to take preventative measures.

    Also with having another kid she is likely to cheat with the "old daddy" and you are likely to be cursed out for not "loving her kid" and she will always see you as an outsider, which is BS because if any man is stupid enough and nice enough to take care of her kid with another man, that woman should be.

    Source: Yahoo Answers

  • Pros: she has less guys chasing her so your odds are higher.
    Cons: the kid will ALWAYS come first. I avoid single mothers for that reason alone.

    • You look just like Joakim Noah. Has that gotten you laid?