Should I go for the guy my friend is obsessed with? :/Please read details before answering the poll!?

So I'm 18 and I have this close friend who is 14 *I'll call her Hannah* and obsessed with this guy * I'll call him Sam* she apparently had a thing with. So she's gotten me to text him a fair bit, to organise things because she's not allowed to talk to him... because he is 25..

I've since become pretty good friends with Sam, and he's said that she's making it up and exaggerating the story... So anyway.. this was 7 months ago, but Hannah is still like in love with him, never stops talking to him...
But the problem is Sam has asked me to take me out sometime and he's being really nice to me and I kinda like him... But I know I can't really go there with him because Hannah would hate me...

It's just annoying because even though Sam has talked to her saying nothing will happen and that she has to move on, she won't listen and still thinks he loves her... I've tried telling her to move on, because I can't actually handle her talking about it anyway. It's really tiring because I'm going through problems to but whenever I mention a tiny thing she goes back to hers...

So here I am, liking this guy that she's obsessed with and Sam asked me to dinner, but I haven't a clue what to do...

Please please please help.
I don't want to be a horrible friend but it's not fair that she won't move on after apparently nothing? And she's 14 and he's 25! Ugh.. Just please help..

  • That's cruel, don't do it.
    Vote A
  • Yeah, don't worry about it..
    Vote B
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He said that when they texted she was acting obsessive as well. Apparently she texted him heaps and he just replied sometimes...
But he just told me, to get her off his back he told her to wait until she was 17.. So she's holding onto that
Alright, didn't work out anyways guys. Thanks for everyone's opinions! (:


Most Helpful Girl

  • In the last few weeks, have been 'Most helpful' in Answering Bud blood, and it all comes down to the same thing: If you Both are as 'Close' as you say you are, almost like 'Besties,' then yes, it would hurt her deeply, and she most likely would never forgive you. However, your case is a bit 'different' than my usual ones, for she is only----14.
    I don't like the idea that 'Sam' has been leading her on in his own indirect ways. This is giving her false hope, making her hang on longer for dear life, and it is putting a monkey wrench into his Own Love life. Even if it were with another girl, there sits poor 'Hannah,' on the sidelines, pining and waiting for her Prince Charming.
    Let's start with a new approach here. Sam needs to First Off, level with Hannah and explain to her that he has done some soul searching and it feels it best that being he is Much older and wiser, that he has decided that he doesn't want her to 'Hold on to that,' and please, Do not Contact me again, he should say. That means: No more accepting her texts, block her if he has to, and just absolutely Nothing that means she can hear or feel he is close to her heart.
    With that being said, let it ride for awhile. Then, slowly, and it really Is no one's business, go out with Sam as a friend for now. Tell him on Hannah's behalf, it is Only out of respect. And don't let on to her that you are seeing him... Be discreet. This will give her a chance to lick some war wounds, and of course, you will have to be there for her.
    In actuality, starting out with friends with him, you don't really know where it will go. And if it ends up to be a serious saga, then Later... Sit your friend down, for by then she may have moved on and maybe even had found a bf, and explain to her what had happened. Tell her because she wanted You to be involved, it took another twist of things.
    Good luck. xx

    • Yes I agree. We aren't THAT close. I've mentioned that I've only known her about a month and it's 1 sided. All for her own benefits, she doesn't really care much bout me.
      Also. He doesn't contact her anymore. She messages him, he ignores them. He blocked her on social media, and all of that stuff. And they have not been in contact for about 7 months. She is stubborn which is why she hasn't moved on. Me and my friend *Hannah* met up with him the other day because he wanted to sort out it all. Which he bloody made himself clear. He said to her, it's not going to happen. There wasn't really anything and you need to move on. Me and *sam* even started suggesting other nices guys closer to her age!! One in which she has been texting LOTS recently. She's admitted to having a crush on him but she's saying she still loves *sam*.
      After we left, and *sam* had explained to her pretty well that nothing will ever happen, *Hannah* said to me "He's just saying that, he actually does want me..."

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    • Haha yeah, Thank you for your help.. I'm not even sure it's happening anymore which is fine, but I appreciate your help :) xx

    • You're so welcome... Well, at least it would be clear sailing to know Sam is the Captain of his own sip, and you a---Potential mate if it might end up to be... At any rate, you are both free agents here... It's your choice... xx

Have an opinion?

What Guys Said 4

  • does no one find it strange that a 25 is associating with 14 year olds like this?

    • He probably acts around 19, hangs out with 18-23 year olds. And the 14 year old is a family friends. Their parents were good friends.

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    • the only thing different from 17 and 18 is the fact that you can buy cigarettes. and the only difference between 21 and every other age is that you can drink. i'm 24 and when people ask me my age it honestly takes me a while to think of it because i feel much younger. almost like i'm 19 or something

    • Well, here you can drink at 18 to.. but I don't mean ciggies and drinks, I mean now that I'm 18 I can start thinking about moving and getting out of this place. But I'm still a bit young.. I kinda need more experience with work etc, to be able to move states, but 19 is my aim :)

  • wow, judging by the votes... women here are selfish as fuck and really bad friends!

  • i wouldn't trust a guy who would make a fourteen yearold fall for him

    • Apparently they just texted a bit cause their parents are friends.. and then apparently she just started texting him all the time... Idk!

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    • Yea, that's a good point, thanks

    • Your welcome

  • Only if you have the intention of pissing her off


What Girls Said 10

  • What the fuck... Wow. I am surprised by the female votes. If you are her friend, don't go for it. Throwing away your friendship over a guy is cruel and it shows that you don't value your friend. She trusts you and she doesn't expect you to do something shady.
    You met him through her. It's not like you both met the guy at the same time. Plus, you are not talking about an acquaintance or an enemy. You are talking about a beloved friend. Are you honestly willing to throw a friendship away over some guy who is probably not even worth it? Remember: He was texting a 14 year old.
    At least, if you decide to go for it, tell her beforehand. Don't stab her in the back like a selfish coward.

  • Look she is 14, she is not really in love with him, obsessed maybe, but no relationship is an obsession... I can tell you this because I am 16 and I get it, falling in love with a guy is great, but she needs to at least find a personality that resemebles hers and closer to her age. Dont tell her you are going on this date, honestly dont tell her anything until it becomes official. After some time tell her or show her that making friends with guys is more important and only then can she have a relationship with guys closer to her age

  • Your friend is young and will meet other guys if you to like each other why not. I predict she will probably be mad but maybe if you tell her the truth she might get over it quicker plus in my opinion she's not a very good friend if she's only will to talk about her and will not care about you.

  • How DOES someone have a friend who's 14 when they're 18?
    Strange thing No.1.

    She can't possibly think he'll ever go out with her.
    Strange thing No.2.

    You're liking this guy of 25... not that strange...
    Go out with him if you must, but remember, friendships last a lot longer than first relationships (usually)...

    Is she your sister? This is the only thing I can think of when an 18-year old hangs out with a 14-year old. o. O

    • Well rather then just sharing that you think it's strange, I actually was seeking help with this haha.
      I'm actually not sure how I met her, it was through other friends.
      She does think he will, even though he has said to her he won't
      Also, it's not my first relationship, and my friendship with her isn't that great.
      This is why I needed help, but it's sorted now anyway. Thanks

    • Haha
      Yes, well if you're not that great of friends then I guess it's natural you'll go for the guy.
      What happened? =)

  • She is 14 years old!!! SHE CANNOT DATE A 25 YEAR OLD!!! THAT IS ILLEGAL!!! You'd be doing her a favour if you went out with him - you'd be helping her to find more realistic goals - like dating a guy who is 15 or 16.

    • I know, it's ridiculous the age gap, but she says she acts mature so it doesn't matter? Idk, I feel horrible for it but annoyed at her because I like him!

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    • I know she should. But should I just find another guy, I mean it seems a bit cruel.. would you just date the guy then?

    • It's up to you, I'm judging by what you said but I don't know the whole situation. If you think this is cruel then don't do it.

  • 1. If you were a good friend you wouldn't even be asking this question. Whether or not Sam likes her, you KNOW she'd be crushed if you ever went out with him. So what else is there to discuss? Are you really willing to knowingly hurt your friends feelings for some guy who probably won't even be around in a couple years.

    2. He might be telling you that nothing happened with Hannah, but don't assume he's telling the truth. Girls don't just fall in love for no reason. He did something to give the impression that there was something between them.

    3. 25 year olds aren't "friends" with 14 year olds. The fact that he texted her for so long should tell you he had ulterior motives. He was probably planning on taking advantage of her because she's naïve and will believe anything an older man tells her.

    4. Any guy that's willing to get in between two friends isn't the kind of guy you want to be dating.

  • If I was in your shoes and she was my close friend I would tell her what that due said about the whole thing.

    • I've told her what he's said

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    • Don't worry. I'm not one to have sex with anyone, I disagree strongly with that. He won't be getting anything until I trust him

    • Good girl :) and I hope I helped. :)

  • she is WAYYY too young!!

  • I'd try to get your freind to meet people HER AGE. And go out with him! 14 (my age too) Is WAY too young for him! Hell we should/can barely date a guy our age.. Don't tell her until (if) you guys are official. Hope this helped.

  • Wtf is a 25 year old doing hanging out with 14 and 18 year olds?
    Where are said 14 year olds parents while she's hanging out with 25 year old men? I think her father should find out so he can whoop some ass.

    • Their parents were friends

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    • Yeah I know, I try to tell her about these other guys, closer to her age. But she is really REALLY stubborn...

    • Just act like you yourself think they're hot and she'll probably end up agreeing.
      Like when we were young, I once got my friend off of crushing on this awful guy by getting her mind on a next one. While we were out, I just pointed at a guy and said Ohh he's cute, she agreed and I went up to him and did the whole "my friend likes you routine" it's still ok to do that while you're young lol. I practically forced my friend to move on lol, but it worked.
      It's even quite dangerous for her to be like this with such older guys, she's just lucky he's a family friend and not some random pedophile.