Girls: How do I get her to open up about her feelings?

I know her for 3 years. We're best friends, seen each other date other people, hang out 2-3 times a week, know everything about one another, practically to the point where while we don't finish each other's sentences, we know when there is something wrong with the other, when there's something on the others mind that we need/want to talk about, or when we're holding something back. (This creeps me out, but is also kind of comforting in a way.)

I'm the kind of guy who's not good with words, but I know how to show I care for you. (She actually says that I'm very charming when I talk, but hold judgement) 3 months ago I gave her a kiss... she threw me the best birthday party I'd ever had. About a month and a half ago I decide to risk it all and ask her out. Having seen her shoot down plenty of other guys I was ready for anything but I knew I was different by the way she treats me, but I wasn't sure on her wanting to build a relationship with me... but I decided to risk everything for her.

So I ask her. Granted, I'll be the first to tell you I really botched asking her. We went out to dinner and had a great time, but my timing was off, and I was really nervous (she sensed that something was on my mind) before I asked her. But I did it! She was caught off guard and asked for time to think about it. Things got awkward for about 4 days, but we promised each other that this shouldn't compromise our friendship, and we worked things back to normal.

I know her well enough that if you give time/space, she'll tell what's on her mind. So I don't bring the topic up again, but we continue to hang out 1-2+ times a week. Flash forward a month after asking her. I invite her to hang out at a bar, and she asks me if its a date (all via text). Side step the question and ask her about it later. "I wanted to make sure we're on the same page." - Which is? - "I'm still thinking about it". We talked out a lot very comfortably, but I sense there is more. How I get her to open up more?


Most Helpful Girl

  • I think she probably is afraid of ruining your friendship because she cares about you and doesn't want to loose you. It's posible that she likes you back but she's afraid that if you start dating it might get awkward or end terribly. If I was in her place I would probably be really scared about loosing someone that knows me that well and with whom I have a relationship like yours.

    I suggest that you ask her to hang out one day and take her to a place you both feel comfortable in and you can ask her directly if she's afraid and simply talk things through...
    An opcion is that you can do like a test drive. you date for a month or two weeks and talk about how you feel after that and decide what you think is best for both of you. And agree that there won't be any hard feelings and always feel confident that you can say exactly how you feel.

    • Thanks.

      I kind of feel like we "test drive" already. We hang out a lot 1-on-1. For all intents and purposes... all of our friends invite us to things as a couple, we do things as a couple (wine tasting, walk her dog in the park, movies, dinner). A LOT of things just the 2 of us as good friends.

      It's really funny to say this, but we're pretty much a couple, BUT we don't kiss, have sex, or other acts of intimacy. She'll put arm through mine and we'll walk arm and arm, share one ice cream cone, etc.

      At first, I couldn't tell if she was using the "let me think about it" to put me down softly, but after she brought this up this last weekend. I'm convinced she genuinely is thinking about it. And if she's scared... don't you think I am too? Can I admit to her that I'm scared? Will that get her to talk about it?

    • yes you definitely should tell her that you're scared too but that (from what I can tell) you have a feeling that this thing you have could be amazing if you let it. Also I think it's always better to regret doing something that didnĀ“t work out that livign wiht the "what would've happened"?

      You really should tell her and talk things through calmly and leaving nothing out. Like everything you guys are feeling just say it and maybe you are both feeling the same things and talking may help you see what is best.

Have an opinion?

What Girls Said 1

  • why all this time and you haven't made a move on her? is there no passion there?

    • I have made a move on her, but I didn't get any response. To which I told her that. For instance, when I kissed her, I knew I'd take her off guard, but I was sure I was going to get some kind of reaction. She didn't push me away... but she didn't embrace me either. She asked me about it when we talked, and like I said... It's easier for me to do something to let you know how I feel than to say it. So I kissed her, but I didn't get a response, I told her that. So I had to man up and tell her with words and ask her out... and I still haven't really gotten a response yet. But she opened to me this time and we actually talked things out, but I sense there is more to how she's feeling.

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    • It's actually really funny, because both of us hated each other when we first met.

    • wow, this is the stuff of great romances. dude, don't give up! good man! sounds like you're doing everything right. now let's hope she's the "right" girl too. good luck!

What Guys Said 2

  • Your'e in the friendzone big time.

    • If that's the case, then explain to me why I didn't get rejected the first time... like everybody else.

  • Dude, I'm in the exact same boat. I wish you luck.

    I'd say give her time, but not too much.

    • What's happening in your case?

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    • Are things moving in a positive direction?

    • Ups and downs-that's life.

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