Should I give up on ever having a boyfriend?

I'm 19 and haven't had a boyfriend or even hugged a guy. I guess you could say I'm as inexperienced with romantic relationships as you can get. Part of this is due to my shyness and insecurity, another part is due to coming from a highly dysfunctional family. Going on dates and doing normal teen things was not something my family did. Another thing is, not dating has never bothered me because there were no guys that I liked... until now.

He's a guy who I never expected to have feelings for, but it ended up that I did after I got to know him. I don't even want to look or think about other guys. None of them are interesting to me except for this one. Let's say that he did like me back... I feel as though I cannot even date him because:

-I have a bad family
-I have no friends
-I'm shy and extremely insecure with major self esteem issues
-I'm very thin, but VERY ugly
- Again, I have no friends and that's weird
-I don't really talk to people except at my job and I have social anxiety with strangers
-I have basically no life--I don't do anything fun
-I have bad social skills and think I'm boring sometimes
-I feel depressed and worthless every day

I am not looking for advice on my depression and other issues. These cannot be resolved right now. I've tried counselors and all that...

I go to school and work and that's it. I talk to people at work... that's where I met this guy. I have trouble making friends because I have trouble connecting with people (may be due to bad past). It's also because I'm shy and introverted. I'd rather just sit at home than go out and party. What do I do? I feel like I'm not good enough to have a boyfriend and that no guy would ever like a girl like this. It wouldn't bother me so much if I didn't like this guy as much as I do... please help..


Most Helpful Guy

  • You can't expect anyone else to love you until you can love yourself. As much as you like this guy, you aren't really ready for a relationship at this point, because you've got a lot of work to do on yourself. And maybe until now, you've never REALLY been motivated to do that work and "buy in" to the things you needed to do and face to get beyond the issues in your past. Now, perhaps you have found what you need to motivate you.

    Right now, you are broken, but you are FIXABLE, IF you decide you really want to be and then do the work to make that happen. It's not your fault you are broken, and you didn't ask to be, but you are the only one who can fix you, so if you don't, no one else will, or even can. Once you fix yourself and forgive yourself and everyone else for your past, you can move on without the baggage you're carrying and be present in a real relationship. Until then, if you try to be in a relationship, you'll end up destroying it because your past will continue to haunt you and distract you.

    I'm sure this isn't what you wanted to hear, but it's the truth, and it's something you have to face eventually.


Have an opinion?

What Guys Said 3

  • These kind of questions piss me off. And I'll tell you why.

    You complain about not having a boyfriend and liking this one guy, but don't think it will work because of your laundry list of issues.

    You then proceed to tell people not to give you advice on resolving those issues, you just want the boyfriend. It's like me being a High School kid and saying to you "I want to be a doctor, I don't want to finish High School, go to college, or Med School, but help me be a doctor".

    Not resolving the issues IS the reason you don't have a boyfriend. So you have given those on this website who wish to help you no way to help you with your restrictions in your question. It's unanswerable.

  • Nothing you listed has any bearing on you being 'good enough' to have a boyfriend. Those are signs of introversion with a bit of clinical depression, nothing more. That's surprisingly normal. Some self-esteem issues are so normal that I think it is surprising when a young girl doesn't have any, not when she does.

    If you like him, and you are that shy, then you are probably just going to have to take the plunge and ask him out. You may be coming across as being unapproachable, or that you are not interested, and if he does happen to like you he may be hesitant to ask. Just flat out say "hey, would you ever consider going on a date with me?" You'll know pretty quickly whether you have something to go on or if you should just move on.

  • Yes please and give up on life too, thanks!


What Girls Said 2

  • Girl I bet your not ugly at all you just have self esteem issues what you need is a girlfriend to do your hair, makeup and go out dancing and having fun with you. Suck it up if you want friends then you just have to put yourself out there, if your getting coffe and there a girl beside you doing the same thing then smile and say hi:) then you can just walk away. Be friendly but not creepy. Smile at people you don't know. Put a good vibe out there. Trust me you'll be absaloutely fine. If this guy likes you then smile say hi and wave at him:) he need to know you like him too. And you can ask him out. If your alone together for a minute just be like hey, do you wanna get some coffee or tea if your not into coffee. Just be cool calm and collected. Don't worry it'll come to you :):):):)

  • well, first of all, you should believe in yourself more, it doesn't matter what other thinks about you as long as you are happy with yourself. honestly i was always away from love life as i don't want to get hurt, i got hurt once and it took me a long time to heal from it and it was really difficult for me,, and after that i never let anyone into my life so i won't get hurt.

    You should try to make changes, changes that we are afraid off are the most amazing changes, what do you have to lose if you try to connect and have a social life, i know at first you will be uncomfortable, but by the time you will get used to it,

    I only had one frd and when i left school i lost her, but i made some changes have a lot of frds and fun life,

    Basically you have nth to lose, you are 19 its the best time t have fun, and if you don't see yourself beautiful no body will, i dont think that you are ugly,

Loading... ;