Serious question? Think my much older boss likes me?

So I am 20 & my 34 year old boss has been what appears to be "flirting" with me for over a year now & brushing against me as he walks past for about 9 months! I think either he is too shy to say he has feelings for me or he is just doing it for fun. I got a membership at the gym he goes to & was "accidentally" running into him there after work nights & a few other days. This went on for a couple of months. Now it's just back to him brushing against my shoulder or back when he walks by several times at work. I truthfully am interested in this man & think there could be some serious chemistry there... however I have been stuck for quite some time now due to the fact that he has a girlfriend & they have a baby! I am even more torn because he talks about how much they fight & hints around about his friends dating much younger women. They do not live together & have been together for three years now & she wants him to propose but he claims "a ring is too expensive" but clearly he doesn't want to marry her. I never in my life thought I would be in this situation. I cannot come out & tell this guy I have feelings for him due to the fact that he has a girlfriend & child but I feel like he is teasing me & leading me on, & I have not been able to get him out of my head for months & it's actually becoming unhealthy. Can someone please not judge me but give me some good advice and consider both sides of it? (Me being with him and me not being with him) I really need help. Thanks.


Most Helpful Guy

  • He is walking an incredibly dangerous line with sexual harassment in the workplace. In fact, just brushing against your shoulder and back all the time could be considered already crossing the line with some stricter interpretations of the law. Would he brush against the shoulder of a big burly man that was a coworker too? The thing with sexual harassment is that it is more than just the boss and the one coworker, it can be a problem for others in the office too. What if you get a promotion over another coworker? Are they going to think that it is because of your skills, or because you are the bosses pet? If it is a woman that you get promoted over, she would have a legitimate labour concern and could claim that she didn't get the promotion because she wouldn't let the boss touch her.

    It is not uncommon for a woman to 'fall' for her boss. The stories of 'the secretary on the side' have arisen for a reason. It has to do with 'getting to know him as a person' combined with a position of authority and the alpha male tendencies that go with it. It's appealing on a very fundamental level.

    He is clearly leading you on, and it could actually be considered illegal. And there is a reason that it is. Believe me, I am not judging you, I understand completely WHY you feel like that, and you can't help that, but acting on it would be a terrible mistake.

    Also keep in mind that this guy is not a good guy. Do you think he tells his girlfriend that he 'brushes' up against you? Do you think she would like him flirting with you? She is thinking they are close to a permanent commitment, and he is not only avoiding it but flirting with other women on the side. "A ring is too expensive" is about as bullshit an answer as you can give, as you can always get a cheaper ring to start and a more expensive one as an anniversary gift later. It's a lame excuse and indicative of a manipulative, evasive personality. Plus, you can't have a relationship of equals if he is your boss. Ever.

    • Well another girl jus got promoted over me and she had been there only two months longer than me and in my opinion it am a much harder worker. So I am even more confused now.

    • That's exactly why sexual harassment is not allowed. It brings too much ambiguity into the workplace. Is she getting promoted because of something other than work? Is it being done to punish you for not initiating? So many questions. None of which would ever be asked if it was a professional environment where that sort of thing didn't happen.

      You need to shut down the sexual advances, call him out on it when he touches you. It is a professional environment, make him act like it. It's the law, lol. If he wants to flirt with you he can ask you out and do it like a normal person. They are confusing signals, and he is making them confusing on purpose. Most likely to see if you'll come around, while still maintaining just enough safety to cover his ass if things get out of hand.

Have an opinion?

What Guys Said 1

  • I dare say he is attracted to you but at the end of the day he has a girlfriend and a baby.
    If he doesn't want to be with them then he shouldn't be and he definitely shouldn't be playing games with you.

    In my opinion, you should try your best to get over him and distance yourself from the situation as much as you can because as you say, it's becoming unhealthy.

    Unless he leaves his girlfriend all you're going to get now is an affair and that's a whole different story altogether.

    Hope that helps


What Girls Said 1

  • Yes he likes u! Ur probably his fantasy! Altho he does it 4fun &successfully I might add. Dropping hints about dating younger women, the teasing &flirting is doing jst wht you said it is, leading you on! Cuz aside frm this fantasy he has w/u, he's got a reality that'll most likely remain unchanged - GF/ soon 2b wife &child in his life (thtWILL be in his life 4EVR). U think he dsnt wnt 2marry her &thts wht he wnts u2 think! How is it u evn know she wants him 2purpose, he tell u? (lol) Listen, NO MAN wld evr so much as breath the subject of marriage 2a woman he didn't hv some intentions of spending rest of his life with. I also highly doubt it was her tht looked at him one day &said, "lets get married!" As NO WOMAN is tht stupid! Its more likely the suggestion came from him! Except she's a smart woman (giving her benefit of doubt) who probably knows her man better thn he knows himself (as we all do) &so said 2him, "Uh yeah ok honey, when we can afford it after you get that raise/promotion" and/or "stop being such a flirt... THEN we'll get married!" And is the real reason thy'r not married already. Jst know its certainly NOT because he dsnt want2! Trust me if any woman evn thought the man thy'r with (& father of child) didn't wnt 2marry her she wldnt be wasting her time w//him! So mk sure uv swallowed tht dose of reality b4 goin any further w/this (may as well be married) man! Dnt let him fool u in2 fooling yourself &you'll be fine. With tht said if ur really in2 him &want a ride on emotional roller coaster sch af-fair has to offer, thn by all means DO IT! I'll admit I wld hv at ur age, lol! Not like you hv anything 2lose &sure its possible he MAY fall in love w/you, leave his gf &child 2live happily evr aftr w/u (but I doubt it). I mean, if he evn thought there was such possibility of tht he'd hv initiated somethn w/u already but he hasn't! Why? Cuz knows he's got more 2lose thn gain. No offense but true ¬ until he see's u (as more 2gain) will he evn tk tht chance!

    • Thank you so much this really made me think about a lot! But why does he continuously do it if he never plans on taking it any further? I am being teased and it's not fair. I feel like I'm being taken advantage of. I don't know if he expects me to ask him out or what. I don't know what he wants from me... from his brushing and his comments.

    • He does it because he's a man with a penis and you're a young beautiful girl who's attracted to him, which he knows im sure! And you're making work fun for him but he'll not initiate anything (& hasn't for over a year now) since he's the boss who happens to be in a relationship! Yet it doesn't mean he's not gonna drop hints & flirt in hopes that you might (ask him out)! And he'll do whatever (with you) the opportunity allows. So if you want him that bad, and your job doesn't mean that much to you & think you can 'play' with him w/o your feelings getting involved, then go ahead and give in to your desire but you gotta do so knowing if anyone's gonna end up hurt from this, its most likely gonna be you!