I think I'm a nice guy?

No matter how much I tried to fight it, I guess I really am I nice guy. I finally know that I really am just completely pathetic. I mean, I'm bitter, sad, I constantly contemplate suicide, and I feel like I just hate everything about myself. Me, I don't even know what I am at this point, other than a loser. My friend actually said he wants to be like me, but why? Sure, I can flirt with girls a bit, but that only works if I don't care about hem, and that's mostly because I have social skills. He thinks I'm assertive and confident, but I'm not, I hate myself, I hate my life, and my "assertiveness" is just me trying to hold back my aggression from being screwed up in terms of integration with other people for most of my life. Then, I finally realized, I am one of those nice guys that girls complain about. I met this one girl, and I ended up liking her, mostly because she was kind to me when I was at my worst mentally, and believe me, I tried to fight it, I tried not to like her, but I couldn't help it, she was nice, most of the girls I met at my school, the ones I really fell for, they rejected me cruelly, but she was nice. Months passed, and I eventually distanced myself from her to fight my inevitable rejection. When we finally started talking again, I rushed things and told her how I felt quickly, and got rejected. The thing is, she still sat next to me in class, still tried speaking to me, and, things got a little better, I even thought I might turn things around. Now I see, I really don't have what it takes, I can't turn things around, I'm really not that great. Now someone other guy entered the picture, they're not dating, but have good enough rapport, so I really don't stand a chance, I may as well just give up now, see, I am pathetic. I know I won't like any other girl, for a long time (and how I feel, I don't want to wait around to see) because I've seen more attractive girls than her, and still didn't even remotely like them. I don't know what to do anymore.


Most Helpful Guy

  • Here's a hard lesson that I had to learn, and that you'll have to learn as well. Girls want a bad boy up until they finally realize that bad boys/assholes just aren't worth it anymore. It was until I turned 24 to where girls that I was interested started to notice me. I've got good looks, a high paying job, a stable life, travel, and love being spontaneous, but my downsides are that I just am a nice guy like yourself.
    I hate to say this, and girls like to deny this, but it's true to the tee. That girls just don't realize the potential of the "nice guy" until their mid to late twenties. So, be patient, and wait it out for a bit. Work on yourself, your career, and enjoy life outside of dating like I did. After I switched my concentration from girls to school, my career, working out, friends, and church. That is the point to where I bettered myself and then when girls started to come of age. They started to flock to me more so than ever before.

    So just let it go for now, cheer up, and if not getting a girl makes you suicidal. Then you really need to work on yourself. Life isn't worth giving up. If you're giving it up, because you can't live hinged to the idea of dating that specific girl or getting all the "chicks" like some guys do.

    • The girls thing is just the ultimate form of my failures. I've failed a lot in life, and girls are something I have completely failed in, which is why it always puts all my other failures into perspective.

    • Put your focus on one subject at a time. If you're in high school, then focus on something else beyond girls. Trust me, it'll truly pay off later in life.

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What Girls Said 3

  • She thinks you're great. That's enough reason for you to feel good about yourself. I know those things don't just happen 1,2,3, but it's a start. The line between being friends and lovers is quite thin -- just a matter of the spark that flips over or not. If it doesn't, it's best that you do what your feelings tell you. Be honest with her and say that you can't be friends with her anymore, or be friends with her and try to cast your eyes at other girls, who are not /just/ attractive, but nice as well. It could take three years for you to get over her, or three weeks, but moving on is the best thing to do. Either way, the girl you have a crush on, thinks your great on a friendship level, which is, in my opinion, so much better than a relationship level.

    I hope this helps.

    • Not to me, every girl I like likes me on a friendship level, and I just don't like the girls that like me, they either come off as desperate or just have pretty bad personalities, or, as I said, they're just not her, like I said, I've seen better looking girls, and still liked her more.

    • Show All
    • Don't force yourself. This stuff happens, or it doesn't. Try to force yourself to eat as much ice cream as you can, or walk as far as you can, or drink as much vodka as you can, or whatever. See how it works out. Experience things, tell people about it, and before you know it, there's this cute, funny girl saying: "hey! I'm far better at drinking vodka/eating ice cream/walking a distance' than you.

    • The thing is, the girls that did like me ended up being either a bit psychotic (getting very jealous a day after meeting me even though i only talked to them once or twice) or just seem desperate, or they're unattractive. Either way, I'm starting to think that, generally, attractive, sane, non-desperate girls are way out of my league.

  • Well, you could stop feeling sorry for yourself and seek guidance and help.

  • You've got get your serious self esteem issues under control before you're attractive to sane girls instead of vice versa. Whatever baggage a person projects out there is generally what gets drawn to them.

    • I guess, I just don't know how, and, I don't want any girl, I want one that I care about in the way I do for the girl I like now, that I don't want a prettier girl, because I, well, I care about them and them alone. I'm afraid that I can't di that again. When I feel hurt like this I tend to get cold, I close people out, and this hurt was worse than any other rejection.

    • Nearly everyone has a heartache like that at least once. It's horrible, but the pain wears off and you fall in love again. It just takes time.

What Guys Said 3

  • I don't think nice guys quote themselves as "completely pathetic. I mean, I'm bitter, sad, I constantly contemplate suicide, and I feel like I just hate everything about myself. Me, I don't even know what I am at this point, other than a loser."

    dude im sure you're nice but you're a certain type of nice, the wuss type. no offense man this is just the harsh truth.

    real genuine nice guys don't care about scoring cause they are nice out of habit and they can still get what they want in life. there's different kinds of "nice guys" out there.

    you just need to keep trying and up your game and you will move out of that "wussy nice guy" zone and on into the "real nice guy" level where you will have girls that like you because you're nice, you treat them well, and you portray confidence like a boss.

    • I don't mean real nice guy, I meant Nice GuyTM, I'm too bitter, and, while I do get joy in helping people, when I'm really sad or angry, I'd take just as much pleasure in hurting them.

  • Dude, I'm in a similar situation, but, it's not that girls don't like me: It's that they like complete douchebaggy idiots who will cheat on them within 5 minutes of being exclusive. Then, if they come to me and ask where it all went wrong, then I point out the clear signs that the guy shouldn't have been a potential option in the first place.
    I just make friends with girls. I mean, sure, I would like a relationship, but, I get the idea most people aren't quite up to my rank on the maturity scale yet.

  • Nice? Who or what defines nice? Are you good to people? Are you funny? Do you volunteer and give to charity?

    nice is a bland and generic term, people thought Hitler and Stalin were "nice"...

    • Well, I'm not rich so I don't give to charity (not to mention I don't have a job in the first place), I try to be good to people and help people, I'm considered pretty funny and fun to talk to, and I volunteer occasionally. And I meant nice in a Nice GuyTM sort of way.