Online dating not working. Girls help please?

[Rant] So what is it now a days with online dating and people being creeped out about someone asking them to meet in person... Isn't that the ultimate goal? I much rather meet soon and avoid all that back and forth emailing, and know that it wouldn't work out rather than building all the expectation and wasting time.

I can have interested girls, we exchange a few emails, pick up on topics from her profile and ask open ended questions, yada yada, all ok, then after a few exchanges I ask if they would like to meet (go grab a cup of coffee, or a drink), nothing creepy (or so I think) and never hear back from them. They just stop writing... (From over a hundred emails I have sent, I have gone out on only 3 dates in the last 3months).
Girls, how should a normal guy with average appearance, healthy, intelligent, good career, approach you and guarantee to close the deal? Or at least improve chances. The more specific you can be the better. Thanks


Most Helpful Girl

  • I've been on and off online dating over the past couple years. Possible reasons they aren't getting back to you, may have nothing to do with the "creepy" factor.

    1. The influx of messages girls get in their inbox. I restarted POF a week ago and have over 100 messages. That's not me bragging, that is me pointing out that other girls are possibly going through the same ordeal. And a lot of those messages are asking for sex.

    2. As the other girls said, sometimes meeting up in person so soon is scary. Took me a couple of dates over the years to finally get used to the idea of meeting in person to be less terrifying. We all grew up with stories of girls meeting guys to eventually end up dead somewhere. Kinda scary!

    3. She's meeting up with other potential dates on the site. May be annoying to swallow this, but with the heavy influx of messages, they may be agreeing to meet up with someone else and if girls are anything like me on the dating scene, I don't usually like to go on multiple dates with different guys so soon.

    In terms of what may improve your chances… keep talking to them for a bit longer before asking them out. Make sure your pics aren't all selfies (makes me think you have no friends), smile in your pics (bunch of pics of a guy doing the same lack of expression does creep me out), show you with friends, or family, and NO bathroom/shirtless mirror pics (if you have a hot bod and want to show it off, have someone take a pic of you at the beach… looks less douchey).

    That's al my advice!


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What Girls Said 4

  • I've had a guy randomly added me on Facebook, and he asked if we could go out for coffee (He goes to the same school as me, but never saw him around.) I figured, "Why not?" And went for it. He was a nice guy to talk to until I met someone else, and started a relationship with him. That's not the point.

    The point is that some people are just not that comfortable meeting face-to-face that soon. Some could be. You just gotten keep looking. I'd rather meet the person face-to-face than waste time building something up when it's actually nothing. Another thing to keep in mind that some girls could be intimidated to meet, because it can be dangerous. It's scary meeting a random stranger. You just never know what could happen.

    Honestly, all you can be is yourself. Don't come straight out so soon, and ask them to meet face-to-face. It comes off as creepy, desperate and ew. You gotta take that time to actually get to know them, and talk for a while. That would improve your chances. Or slowly progress to the meet. Start with simple emailing. Then move onto texting. Then phone call. Then video cam. And then finally you can meet face-to-face. You cannot rush that sort of thing if you really want to get a girl.

  • You may be moving too fast. A woman's top priority is protecting herself and we've all heard the horror stories about online dating. I understand that you would rather meet sooner opposed to later, and I partly agree with you. However, these women don't know you from Adam and you proposing to meet in person only a few email exchanges into the relationship could be problematic because: 1. You only want sex 2. You want to murder them 3. They're not prepared for a face to face meeting (i. e., insecure; anxious). by the way this is not an exhaustive list.

    I think you should build an online relationship with a woman for about a month before you mention meeting in person, or at least until you're sure that she knows you're a genuine, harmless guy. It's all about building trust.

  • Your heading too fast. Take it slowly considering her feelings towards you maybe get to know her a bit more, talk to her over the phone and then ask to video chat her then you may want to decide meeting her.

  • Girls most definitely do NOT like to meet up right away. You suggest that to her too soon and she might run the other way. I sure do when a guy asks me to meet up in the first message... or the second. There isn't a number to it. I have to feel a certain amount of intimacy before I meet up with a guy. I have to feel out if he's crazy, looking for a hookup or desperate. Guys who ask too soon fall into any of those categories: crazy, desperate, looking for a hookup.


What Guys Said 2

  • Its all about the perfect combination of the profile, email, and photo gallery. If one of these slips at any point, it will end the game. It could be something you are unintentionally doing and there are tons of reasons that would be impossible to pinpoint from this question.

    My guess though would be that something is going wrong on your end with what you are saying in follow up emails. Check out this article I wrote, it may help you pinpoint something...

  • I would like to know this as well. It's so annoying. Great question. Girls, come out, we need help. I need an answer for this, because it's happened more than a few times.

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