When hooking up with a guy, why do some say nice things and make sweet unnecessary promises?

Just for the record, I've only had sex with 7 guys in my entire life.

I've had some say to me, " Oh let's continue this being friends." "I'm not the type to hit it and quit it." I had this one guy, who I knew from hs go on and on about how I'm the type of girl he would date, how we get along so well. He even started mentioning "signs" of why we should date.

Me, I never developed feelings for these guys nor was I trying to. I hate sharing my feelings with people because majority of the time, they assume wrong or they dismiss it. The whole of this point of this is, I hate when some guys talk about having more. I never talk about it or mention it. I don't expect it. However I hate when people bullshit me.
I know everyone do things like this. I'm only asking about some guys, because they are the main ones saying girls are suitable for hooking up/ being fuck buddies /fwb because of our "feelings."


Most Helpful Guy

  • Well, I can't really answer you from experience.

    A friend of mine is an escort, though. Some guys hire her for sex. Some guys hire her just to talk. And most guys hire her because they just want some female company that will somehow in some way involve sexual closeness. She's been doing it for about a year now, and what she realizes is that the clients who are just looking for sex and nothing but sex are in the very narrow minority. She's found that guys want the so-called "girlfriend experience," or just a general feeling of "closeness."

    Basically, you can't feel "intimate" with yourself. You can give yourself sexual release, but you can't experience "intimacy" with yourself. You NEED another person to feel "intimate" with someone. Our brains are hard-wired to want to feel 'close" and "connected" with another human being. Sex is one of the main ways that happens, because it's generally not something we do with "EVERYONE." We're somewhat "selective" about "who" we let into our lives that way. It doesn't mean that it's ONLY ONE person, but only that it's not everyone we would say "hello" to on the street.

    In the law, what defines "property" is the socially recognized right to "exclude others." By analogy, (i. e., cf.), "closeness" or "intimacy" only exists because of the fact that we "exclude" some people from experiencing that with us (e. g., we're not interested in experiencing that with them).

    So, sometimes she finds that she naturally develops a faint and weak feeling of closeness and connection with a few of her clients, whereas other times, it's completely fake, and she has to inject positive meaning into the interaction and roleplay her experiences with another client or man in her life with this client. The point is, when she acts a certain way or says some things, it's because she understands that for most men, even sex isn't just about sex, it's about "feeling close and connected," and "accepted" by someone. THAT'S what they pay fore.

    • Well that definitely explains the last two. They were affectionate but not looking for commitment. It felt a bit awkward, the closeness of them, because its not what I was expecting or looking forward to.

    • One mistake we often make when we're interacting with people is trying to conclude what they're thinking based on what they do. That "presupposes" that "they themselves know and understand" the "why" behind the "what" they are doing. That's not always the case, especially in a country as sexually repressed as the U. S., and especially with young men living in a recently post-feminist post-third-wave feminism world. The vast majority of men don't really understand sex, or why they want sex. More generally, most men don't understand themselves, and are not emotionally in touch with themselves. So, maybe he genuine believes (as far as he knows and understands) that all he wants is sex, but the reason you see that tendency to want to be close, is because he doesn't understand that the REASON behind him wanting sex, is because he really just wants to feel CLOSE and INTIMATE with someone.

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What Guys Said 1

  • I hope I don't run into a woman like you only 7 guys at your age, already see unwise decision making by that statement. Maybe the guys are just trying to be considerate. You're the one who has the issue. They may or may not be lying why even care if all you want is sex no relationship.

    Just ignore it, you got what you want. You aren't wifey material and you know it so just move on and hop in the bed ontop of the next guy. If you're really wondering why they feel okay about lying its because they don't care about you or respect you. You're in essence a tool just to satisfy their short term need. Like a disposable item. : )

    • I know I make such a great slut ;)

    • Why not be a disposable tool for them, if they're going to see me as that , long before I lose my virginity. Every one has a role in life. I have accepted mine. If funny how men like you are quick to slut shame a woman, but disrespect her if you can't get your dick wet. Plus y'all are so quick to give sluts a chance , you guys over look the good girls. And don't give me "I'm not like that." Men like you are such liars, you and your double standards.

      I don't need a man to be "considerate " of me. Just be straight up, and give me the sugary bullshit. And you wonder why women get all emotional. You set them up to be.

    • And if I catch something, so be it. Everyone has to die some day. doesn't mean I'll spread it.

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