2nd date, third time not the charm?

This is the first post I've made but I'm curious to know from another's point of view.

Dating has not been a big thing for me at all. Even when I thought about it, never really acted on it. So it was flattering when a guy who I've known for a time asked me out on a date. Since I haven't been on a date at all (I'm 24), I stepped out of my zone to take a leap. No way am I even in the ballpark of being a date expert. I feel both dates went smooth. We had a blast with going out both times. We had good conversations, quite a bit of laughs through the night and enjoying each others company. We even made future plans to do something for next time. Almost two weeks pass by and I haven't received a call or text. I'm thinking I said or did something wrong but I usually tend to overthink situations. I don't want to seem like I'm so desperate to go out again so I've decided to move forward with life.

What would make you not want to go past date two? If something similar has happened to you, how did you handle it?

Thank you guys and gal who responded. Gave me quite a bit of insight!

We realize we're better off friends which works. Something's don't pan out but it was a learning experience. Moving on with life by finishing school and keep all options open!


Most Helpful Girl

  • First of all, good for you for stepping out of your comfort zone and going! It took some time for me to get comfortable with the "typical date" type situation, and lots of people still get very nervous about them. Second of all, even the most experienced of daters feel a sense of rejection when something like this happens. You think everything was great, and then start questioning yourself. The best advice I can give you is not to overthink it or beat yourself up. It could have been any number of things that you could not have controlled.

    For example, I took a leap and went out with a guy I met online for the first time. Long story short, we had what I thought was a great time, kiss at the end of the date, a text when I got home saying he had a great time, etc. etc. He continued to text me for maybe 2 weeks after that date, but never asked me out again.

    For a while I was super confused about what happened and how I must've messed it up. I felt maybe he was continuing to talk to me to "be nice" since we'd talked for maybe a month prior to meeting. Anyway, I found out later he's just very inexperienced with dating (he'd been in a 5 year relationship), and wanted me to be the one to say something. It didn't have anything to do with how I acted, it was on him.

    This happens a lot. Sometimes it's something outside of your control. Sometimes it just wasn't a match made in heaven. Either way, take comfort in knowing that he is one guy in a sea of other guys who would have wanted that 3rd date. It's never easy dealing with the "unknown" in a sense, but it'll get much easier the more you date, I promise. You'll learn more about your likes and dislikes, you'll become more comfortable, and you'll brush off the experiences that didn't work out so great. It's not always personal.


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What Guys Said 4

  • I like what vmw2008 said. I see nothing in your story that shows anything went wrong. I think may be he just didn't feel a spark or a connection with you. This doesn't mean you did something wrong, it just means he wasn't the right guy for you. Many people can have no problem connecting for a casual date or two and genuinely have a good time with them, but you just know in your heart there is no relationship material there. I would just use this as a learning experience. When you go out with someone, I would like you to just be your regular everyday self. Don't try too hard to impress me or flatter me. If it is meant to be the right guy will find you very attractive and be really interested in you based on your regular behavior. Worse thing you can do is try to be someone you're not to try to attract men. Good luck!

  • based on how you described the night I would be up for a 3rd date. nothing would not make me go past the 2nd date based on your description. there could be something I don't know though ya know? he's probably playing mind games, trying to get you to like him more or want him more. do exactly what you told yourself, move on with your life. if he likes you he'll panic that his plan isn't working and come around.

  • First of all, as hard as this may be for someone that's new at dating, please don't take dating personally. Dating is very similar to succession planning and trying to find the company's next CFO or CEO. It's a bit more serious than a construction worker looking for some $200 a day manual labor "job" that day. We're talking about the potential to control or strongly influence the direction of the company, legacy, shared values, stock options, a golden parachute divorce settlement package if things so south... that's where "dating" is headed... not "thanks for installing my dry wall, here's $200, now get out of my house."

    Secondly, one key aspect to any relationship is that it is "mutual," not just "consensual." If the interest isn't mutual, then that relationship could fall apart rather quickly, and more importantly, not be as beneficial to the other side that was initially interested and enthusiastic about it.

    So, with that said, as a guy, if I don't find the girl even remotely attractive (i. e., on a drunk day, completely love-struck, is there any remote possibility that I would stick my penis inside her without wanting to barf or go burn my penis off and kill myself thereafter), then I don't even approach her, or interact with her past token niceness if she interacts with me on her own.

    The reasons I wouldn't call back after the first date are that I think the girl is being "fake" with me, or that I'm convinced that there's no real chemistry there.

    The reasons I wouldn't call back after the second date are, after giving much leeway to the first date, I reassess whether I find her attractive (and conclude no), I reassess how she conducts herself and how comfortable or genuine and honest she's being (e. g., incongruity in her behavior), and if I'm still not feeling some connection or spark by the second date, then it's just not gonna happen, so there's no point in having things drag on until we get divorced 8 years later.

    • Man, just have to say sth, hope you don't take it wrong. Your initial argument is kind of off: "First of all, as hard as this may be for someone that's new at dating, please don't take dating personally. Dating is very similar to succession planning and trying to find the company's next CFO or CEO. ".

      In what way dating is not personal? And how do you compare that to a candidate hunt for an executive? I apologize, but it just didn't make sense..

    • Well, it's not necessarily an "absolute" reflection of who you are as a person in an objective sense. It's simply someone's "subjective" assessment of values they find the most important, and with the weights they assign to each of those values. So, if you're not a match with someone you really like, don't take it personally, because it doesn't mean you suck OVERALL or in an absolute objective sense, but that you simply weren't the right fit for THIS PERSON right now.

      As far as the CFO/CEO analogy, it's not just about the resume'. Great job, good schools, nice looks, fine manners, all pre-requisites, but none of them golden tickets to the kingdom. It's about being a "good fit" into the company, the culture, its values, its goals and vision. Personality conflicts make or break mergers up on top. See, Disney v. Michael D. Eisner, et. al. (2005).

  • There are tons of reasons, hard to just zero down on what may have happened but then again, we don't know if he's calling you or not. I would say, do you think he's not interested? Have you guys talked at all in the past 2 weeks? If nothing happened, then why don't you try to contact him? You won't sound desperate by just sending a text. If you don't get an answer though, well it might be he's just not interested and there's nothing wrong there, sometimes even with great dates going on, things don't click for one or the other one.


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