Can't he just answer this question?

I've been dating this guy for a about 8 months and so far things have been good. We have fun , go out, talk on the phone and all of that cute relationship stuff... so last night something came up in conversation and after one thing lead to another he ended up saying he would never call me fat. I asked him if he would never call me it , would he think it? He didn't even bother answering the question both times I asked. He pretended to be oblivious to what the topic was. Does his silence mean he has thought and won't admit it? Am I just overreacting?

Just to be clear I didn't bring up the topic , he had started it.


Most Helpful Guy

  • To me this sounds like you've set him up for a "pest or cholera" question, a situation were no matter what he answers he will loose. It's like those girls asking "which of my friends would you invite into a threesome" and when he answers that he only wants her she follows up with "but if you had to pick one?"
    Girls, let me tell what you gain on this! 1. a reason to be mad at him (admit it, there's no way he can not make you mad, seeing as you try to force him to admit he'd fuck one of your friends if he had to). 2. An annoyed boyfriend.
    Trying to manipulate our toughts or trick us like that srves no good. IN your case it's like you're trying to fish for attention, and silence him from speaking up aginst something that can be a serious problem (overweight).

    With questions like that you are litterally putting them in an imaginary loose loose situation! To return to the threesome example; if he really was loyal enough to only want you, why the hell would you force him into a threesome?

    I'm sorry if i sound mad, but i feel like i'm speaking on behalf on most men when i ask you girls to stop doing that. You're achieving nothing, and only run the risk of fucking up.
    As for why he didn't answer. He had two options; 1. Tell the truth and admit he could speak up if you end up overweight, thus giving you a reason to call him selfish and sexist for going after body (what if he just cares about your health?). 2. Lie either to you or himself, and then be forced to, if you ever become overweight, either ignore what's a medical risk or lie to himself by pretending you're not overweight.

    • That's the thing though, I didn't put him " between a rock and a hard place." He put himself there when he brought something up that was completely out of context to what we were talking about prior. A person doesn't ask or mention something without being prepared for what the answer might be. I asked him that fully prepared for the worst case scenario! I know he would never answer it but you see, I was prepared by knowing what he said ( if he answered) could possibly hurt me. So if he wasn't prepared to answer something why even mention it in the first place? I think it's common sense for him to have known his topic wasn't going to end nicely anyway.

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    • No I haven't. This is literally the first time he didn't answer my question and the first time I asked something knowing I might get hurt by the truth. I've never put him in those situations.

    • Well, kudos to you for not doing that. But you mibght be right that he has something on his mind he won't admit, possibly because he's afraid of hurting you.
      Don't force him to talk by pressuring him, instead ask why he became so silent and say you'll at least try to understand. Make him nuinely trust you, and make sure to not missuse this trust. He's putting himself in a position where your reply can and will affect his psyque (and his future chances of being honest with you), so don't get mad at him. Be understanding and accepting. If in doubht, ask to make him explain.
      If you pull this off (which isn't too hard if you're open and tollerant) there's a fair chance he'll trust you more, and maybe open up a little more when it comes to feelsy stuff (yes, we gus can feel sad too. we just don't like to show it)

      I hope it helps, and do feel free to ask either here or with a pm if you need clarification or aditional advice.

Most Helpful Girl

  • Hard one.. i would feel weird if he didn't answer too but you did put him in a very horrible position. How would you have felt if he said yes.!


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What Guys Said 4

  • He probably did think it in some moments but he literately doesn't want to let you know because he is ok with it and doesn't want to hurt you.

  • Well if he's like me he's probably tired of hearing girls worry about getting fat. In all honesty I really don't want my girl to get fat. I'm just being 100%. I like some bigger girls but most of the time I don't. And that's the fear. Every guy in the world knows that most girls have a decent personality but there's a reason we don't date every girl we meet. Having a good friend is great but having a good friend you're also attracted to is also great. And every guy thinks about marriage. Guys know the longer we stay in a relationship the more hurt you'll be if we leave. So what happens if he tells you this. You start to worry about him not loving you if you get fat get upset and leave. What if he lies and says it won't bother him. You probably won't believe him you'll worry and leave. What if he honestly doesn't care. You probably won't believe him, you'll worry and leave. Every guys been hit with the will you love me if I'm fat question and the truthful answer is we don't know but we can't tell you that. Pretty much any answer we cook up is going to make you worry about being fat so we just keep quite. We avoid it and we hope it goes away so we can get back to enjoying the now. Women and their weight is like a vampire to men. You can't kill it and it keeps draining the life out of you. He can't fix your insecurities.

  • You're over-reacting. How can you not be? You're trying to tell a guy what he's allowed to think, for fuck sake.

    There is literally nothing more insecure and pathetic in the worlds of relationships, than someone trying to control what their partner thinks.

    It's like you're begging for a fight.

    • How am I telling him what to think by asking a question? Its not like I brought up the topic in the first place. He did though so he should have known better and been prepared to follow up in a topic he brought up.

    • How are you telling him what to think? Don't pretend you're that stupid - no one could be.

      "I asked him if he would never call me it , would he think it? "

      And he's supposed to go - "Yeah honey, I always think you're fat, I just never say it." ?
      There is no way he can answer that any way honestly where you won't explode. So he didn't bother answering it.

      The only winning move in such stupid mind games, is not to play.

    • Yet him bringing up the topic isn't considered stupid? Why mention anything at all if he didn't want to talk about in the first place? In any case he was looking for an argument and decided to late in the conversation that he wasn't up for it anymore. I had been talking about work before he mentioned anything! One topic had nothing to do with the other... The topic shouldn't have even been mentioned. I don't see how I'm the stupid one.

  • Your overreacting you like many women put him in a no win situation. Either way he answered that question you would be mad admit it. Give the guy a break. And ladies please quit putting us in those situations their is no good answer.


What Girls Said 1

  • major overreacting- I do this a lot

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