Please don't laugh at me but.. would like your help?

Most people say they’re either waiting for the right person or because of religion, but that’s not my excuse.
Due to mental issues and childhood trauma (not to sound too emo but; molested, bullied, neglected, beaten etc…), I never got round to dating women. When I turned 16, I started getting symptoms for social anxiety disorder.
At that time I wasn’t smart enough to understand what was wrong with me. I pretty much had no one in my life that wanted to help or understand. I spent years in limbo just thinking to myself. I left college because of this problem and in future when I’d try going back I’d make the same mistake again. The Anxiety was too overwhelming. Although I still worked, I spent a lot of time just keeping it to myself till I finally understood what was wrong with me.
I spent a lot of time in depression and never took part in anything, never made friends or attempted to approach women. I went from being pretty confident, to a complete mess.
A lot of my family are responsible for this condition as well. I’m from an Asian family and I was taught on how I was to save myself for an arranged marriage, even though I stopped believing that, all the brainwashing and lack of information about sex, gave me the impression that it was wrong almost. Though I didn’t believe that, I was still very uncomfortable and. I was never able to talk to anybody about it. Everybody else bragged about it; I had an uncle and an older cousin who would spend a lot of time with us and all he’d talk about is how I’d never get with the kind of girls he was with and on how he was god’s gift to women. I found it all very intimidating. What kind of a loser likes to show off his past life to kids.
I'm going to be 31 soon, and it really saddens me to say that I've only started to make genuine changes to my life.
It’s really embarrassing for me to admit this, but {continued}

{continued}... but even though I have seen interest now and again by women (although it’s difficult for me to believe that, since I have very little self-esteem and belief in myself) I have no idea what to do.
I’m too afraid of messing up and the fear of my family and the humiliation throughout the years just creeps up on me and stops me in my tracks.


Most Helpful Girl

  • as someone who suffers from anxiety and who was also molested and is afraid of failure. I understand where you are coming from. my advice to you is to rewire the way you think.. instead of asking why does this girl like me? say I know this girl likes me... it may sound silly but it truly works. just because you dont understand why someone likes something doesn't mean it isn't true. try not to dwell too much on what you haven't done and what you can mess up and focus on the moment... everyone makes mistakes and if you are finally living life you are bound to make a few but not everything will be bad.. you may want to seek out a therapist you can talk things over with (youd be surprised how different you comprehend things when you say them aloud to another person) they can help you change the way you think.. and help you deal with your past and your family. also do not go by what your family thinks or tells you. . you are your own individual and you need to form your own opinions and beliefs but the only way to do that is via experience. .. its never too late to start making a change! keep it up and dont let yourself get in your way


Have an opinion?

What Girls Said 1

  • how can i help you dude?

    • There was a lot more i wanted to put in but couldn't. basically i just wanted advice on how somebody like me should approach and on where to go but i'm gonna delete this thread

What Guys Said 2

  • First, Today you will live for today. Your past is that, only your past. There is no excuse to not live for today. Second, You are so focused on an illusion, (the what ifs) and that isn't healthy nor productive. You have to concur your irrational belief about yourself. So that must come to an end. I met in my life time many people such as yourself and honestly I see them letting time go down the drain and that isn't healthy. You were given gifts from the heavens. You are a man and nothing less. Thoughts are like behaviors, the only way to change a thought is to replace old unhealthy thoughts with new ones. There are many ways of doing this but the best way is to read. Rather you read quotes, or books. It isn't where you get the information from; it is all about do you believe the information. It will take time but I suggest you start to read on Albert Ellis. He created "The Ellis ABC Model" to help people concur irrational thoughts and behaviors.

  • dude sorry to hear that you went through that stuff, best advice I can offer you is if you can surround yourself with positive helpful people. Also simply just take baby steps with the situation man no one will rush you into anything you dont wanna do and never forget your only human your gonna make mistakes in life it happens even to the best of us buddy. : )

    Keep your head up out there and try your best buddy !