How to stop being seen as a hook up and be seen as a gf?

So I'm 19, in my second year of college I've never had a bf and basically any and every guy who talks to me, contacts me, meets me, tries to hook up with me and often I worry that if I don't they won't want me. If I say no they stop talking to me and it makes me feel worthless and ugly. I just want a boyfriend but every guy I want to date I mess things up by caving and hooking up. I'm a virgin though because I've always wanted to save myself for marriage but I was afraid that if I didn't do other stuff the guys I wanted wouldn't want me. However they just use me and end up leaving. My question is could someone teach me how to interact with guys with out them just using me because it hurts a lot and I just want someone to love me, I think I have good qualities and I'd do anything for anyone I love. I really just want to love and be loved but guys just get what they want and go. How do I make someone want to date me? How do I talk to guys? What do I say so they don't just make me a hook up? What do I do to get a boyfriend? guys what really sells you on a girl to make you want to date her?


Most Helpful Guy

  • Where are you meeting these guys? If it's anything that begins with "drunken" (i. e. drunken frat parties, drunken dorm nights, concerts, what have you) then you're setting yourself up for failure. A lot of college guys - all college guys - are hormonal beasts, swimming in a lake of women who may not be hip to the ways of life.

    If you want to find quality dating material, find it in class, at clubs, at the library, at meetup groups. Then go out on actual dates and get to know each other. Make a list of qualities that you want in your potential boyfriend, and dump guys who don't meet those expectations instead of bending your requirements to fit the guy.

    Let those requirements evolve as you change and grow into a woman. As a teenager, you're not supposed to have everything figured out, so you just have to try with lots of people. Don't give in to pressure! A quality man will stick with you if he sees your potential as a friend and partner and not just plaything.

    • I don't know to talk or act around a guy so that he will ask me on a date

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    • You also have to take into consideration that ALL guys want to hook up with you. You just have to put a line in the sand - for yourself - that you are NOT looking for a hookup. You are DATING material, and you are looking for a BOYFRIEND, not a fuckbuddy. This is a mental mode you must accept and project. Don't be scared to say "no" to these guys >> [If I say no they stop talking to me and it makes me feel worthless and ugly.] >> It makes me feel that way, too, when I start talking to a girl and she flat-out rejects me. But I'm not going to let someone else dictate my values or my worth. I just say to myself, "whatever, your loss, we had a chance to get to know each other, and you walked away - not my problem". Let these guys walk away, you'll be much happier single and looking for a standup guy than with a string of useless non-boyfriends. Focus on your studies and creating your own success story of yourself, and a great guy is sure to come into the picture : )

    • Thank you so much, I just wish it was something that could happen instantly

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What Guys Said 1

  • If a guy stops talking to you if you say no, that's a good thing cuz he is a piece of shit anyway. Try to think about it like that. You will attract who you advertise for. Word gets around and if some guys know you are "easy" guess who you will attract... If you want a nice guy, advertise for one and look in places you will find one.

    • That's true! :) I just want a nice sporty guy but they only ever want to hook up could it be that I'm too ugly to date but good enough to just hook up with?

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    • I'm just afraid that no one I will be attracted fo will respect me, I just want to get my first boyfriend

    • I can understand that but you aren't going to get a decent bf if you don't respect yourself first. There are decent guys out there that will like you whether there is sex or not. If you use sex to get a bf, its not going to work very well. You will be better off showing respect for yourself and a guy will come along that respects you too. If you don't respect you, why would anyone else?

What Girls Said 1

  • Look at where your meeting guys. If you meet them drunk late at night of course they just want to hook up. Try and meet a guy through friends or going out doing sport or something like that, some other interest. Maybe then the guy will see you as something more than something he can try to cum on, or in

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