Is it normal for a guy to invest this much time in a hookup?

I was seeing a guy for about a month and a half.

We met on tinder, an app that is known for casual hookups. I was not looking for a hookup and I told him that the day we began talking. He knew I wanted a long term boyfriend.

I didn't trust him because he was on the app and it was online so naturally I was cautious and I made him wait about a week before he could have my number. He was messaging me and asking me sincere questions and seemed like a guy who wanted to get to know me.

He texted me all day and night and when we met up he was still normal. Cute and not touchy at all. Seemed really interested and attracted.

Came on really strong in the beginning and said he wanted a relationship and all this cute stuff (I'm aware it was bull now) but when he said it he seemed to mean it.

I saw him just about every day for a month and we would be constantly calling and texting each other. He seemed really Into me.

The red flags came up towards the end, a few being him not wanting to commit at the moment and him getting touchy and pushing my boundaries and not respecting that I didn't want to go far with him physically.

He gave me a ton of mixed signals at the end, saying I was great and he wanted to date but not now. Just seemed like bullshit to me.

He seemed really attracted to me, I could tell. He just seemed to genuinely love my looks from what he said and how he looked at and touched me. Constant compliments and he got off really easily, that was obvious.

Is it normal for a guy to invest so much time in deceiving a girl like this? I think a month and a half of constant contact is a LOT of time to devote to a hookup, when he knew I wouldn't put out from day one.

Did he just find me to be really sexy and is that why he put in that kind of time?


Most Helpful Guy

  • You may not like to hear this, and he's DEFINITELY in the wrong for it, but it sounds like, to me, that he lost interest due to lack of sex. Any guy who tells you sex isn't a HUGE part of relationships to them (unless they happen to be asexual) is MOST LIKELY lying to you.

    You may not like, and it may not be right, but the sexual side of a relationship is extremely important to most guys, and it sounds like you were holding off on going all the way. So, while he may have been interested in you, he may have perceived the lack of... "sexual forthcoming" from you as a lack of interest on your part, and lost hope. Don't take this to mean in ANYWAY that you are in the wrong! Don't give it up just because some one wants it. Give it up when YOU are ready and comfortable, and if a guy can't handle that, then maybe he just wasn't right for you.

    • That is certainly possible that he lost interest because I wasn't ready for sex, but there was a definite liar side to him.

      He would feed me such cheesy lines all the time about how great of a match we were, how much he loved making me happy, how much he cared about me, etc.

      I believed him and when I ended it with him I told him now all those things led me on and he seriously did not give an f. He blamed me for the situation and even hung up in the middle of the call because he said he saw someone he knew...

      He really did not seem to care in the slightest that I was hurt. I gave him a huge list of signals that made me think he really liked me and he said yeah I did find you attractive. That's it! He didn't agree with anything else he said to me.

      He didn't even do anytbing nice for me on my birthday, at all! He would keep crossing my boundaries and touching me when I was obviously uncomfortable and he knew I didn't like It but he would still try. Even when I pushed himaway

    • Show All
    • He probably just really wanted to sleep with you. If that's all he wanted from the relationship, he should just go find a hooker or one of those "forward girls" you were talking about. Some guys also have a thing for getting with "hard to get" girls because it makes them feel better about themselves. I really don't know, as I'm not like that (or at least like to think I'm not), so wrapping my head around such behavior proves difficult for me.

    • Makes sense lol. He's a really odd and bad guy. I was just curious why he would bother giving me so much time if all he wanted was sex.

      He did want it bad, I could tell that for sure.

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What Guys Said 0

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What Girls Said 1

  • Yes not all guys but some do invest a lot of time in this.

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