Being ok my bf and I may not get married? Is that a red flag?

I have a bf of 1 yr and I'm still 3-4 years from when I want to be married by. Recently I started having thoughts that it won't be the end if the world if I did not marry my current bf. he's definitely a great guy and I love him and this is a recent thought. Id love it if our relationship did lea to marrige but I'm now less fixated on that than before meaning I have become less concerned about that recently. I hope this isn't an unconscious sign that he's not "the one" if you know what I mean. Is this what healthy relationships feel like or am I just lukewarm and unconsciously think or know I won't marry him? Any thoughts?


Most Helpful Girl

  • I can only talk about myself, but I met my bf when we were 22, and early on we talked about getting married at age 28 and having kids etc. So for me it was always clear he is the one (I guess that's why we are with them).
    However, turning 27, I suddenly started having doubts. When he turned 28 half a year before me, he said he wants to have kids now, and I freaked out.
    This really made me think and showed me there is a red flag. I could not imagine marrying him anymore.
    Do you think he is not the one, or do you just think marrying is not just such a big deal?
    If you imagine your "wedding day", do you necessarily see yourself with him? Or is it more about the day itself? Can you imagine standing at the altar with him and saying yes, when looking into his eyes?
    I realised at age 28, my bf could be replaced with a lot of guys I fancied, so it was not meant to be.
    Perhaps, in your case, it all still seems far away, if you anyways have a great relationship, I would not through it away because of some distant thought in the probable future. Perhaps your level of infatuation has just vanished and therefore the romantic feeling of a wedding day becomes less glamorous.


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What Guys Said 1

  • Are you two having sex? For a man, there's nothing more intimate. In his mind, he may be wondering where the relationship can go from here. To him, at this point, marriage might just be a piece of paper, that is, if you two are already having sex.

    • Are you saying in his mind if you are having sex you can't be closer than where you are now?

      But guys are willing to have sex with just about anyone...

    • Yes, that is what I am saying, as a guy... There's nothing really we can do with a woman that is more exciting, or intimate. Nothing...

      If you make us wait, it weeds out the guys who are less interested in getting to know you as a person, and more interested in getting to know your body. It also helps us to respect you more (because we have to work for it, now)

      You said it yourself, most guys are always willing to lay anyone who won't run away. It doesn't mean it is a good or healthy thing. Lots of guys put sex first, then wonder why their relationships fizzle out.

What Girls Said 1

  • An amazing guy will make you feel like it won't matter if you are married or not. The guy I'm dating I use to worry about him labeling our relationship boyfriend and girlfriend but he is so amazing that I feel happy just to be there with him and I told him that.
    I went through a lot of hell and I feel like a lucky girl to have met someone like him