Is it bad that I want to hang out with my "cooler" friend(s)?

I have a good friend whom I've roomed with for the last 3 years at college. I was a pretty shy/reserved person before I met him so he was sort of my first good friend since I started college a while back. Anyway, although we have things in common and hang out quite a bit, he has a lot of confidence and self-esteem issues. This is troubling because at this point in my life I'm trying to become more confident and outgoing, because I'm 25 and I haven't yet even kissed a girl or had a girlfriend. He quite often puts himself down, saying he isn't good-looking enough for girls to like him (he complains about his weight, hair, lack of social skill etc.)

We've gotten two new roommates within the past year, the most recent one moved in a couple months ago, and they are both way different. They are both fairly popular with girls, and have much more confidence and outgoing personalities. I've found that when I hang out with them, I'm in a much more fun and outgoing mood, since they always seem upbeat and confident. My unconfident friend jokes about how 'we' need the one roommate to hang around us because he's really tall and good-looking (he gets a lot of female attention). While it doesn't hurt to have a friend like that I don't want to "sponge" off of a friend just to get girls, I want to gain more confidence myself.

So my question (finally, lol) is how would you handle this situation? I've been friends with this guy for a while, but when we go out and try to meet people it's like his poor self-esteem and lack of confidence is draining for me. I just feel like I need to be around positive, confident people like my other two roommates. I try to tell him that he just needs to think more positively, but he doesn't try and spends a lot of time by himself locked in his room on his computer. I WANT TO GET OUT MORE AND HAVE FUN/MEET GIRLS LIKE EVERYBODY ELSE!


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  • There is nothing wrong with that. You shouldn't let his down and up beat attitude effect you, if you feel more confident with the other guys, then that's who you should surround yourself with. If you want to, you can see if you and he could hang out with the other "cooler" friends. But its good that you want to gain confidence on your own, your already on the right path.