My friends with benefits is avoiding me. What did I do wrong? I'm hurt.

I have a distant friend who I met in university last year. We went out on a date last month. I like him and he likes me too. But a serious relationship was not an option for both of us since we're both trying to establish a good career and he was trying to get settled in our city. Before we hooked up, he told me that he likes me and I was getting the feeling that he didn't want to do it with me. But we still ended hooking up. After the first hook up, I got caught by my parents. My parents were really mad and disappointed at me and the situation got out of control. He was still nice to me after that and he offered me help and advice and he listened to me the whole time. Then, I let things cool down at home for about a week or two. Then I asked him if I could come over to his place to discuss things with him and apologize to him. He agreed. So I came over, discussed the stuff that happened and gave him my sincerest apology. At that point I really wanted to continue where we both left off since I really enjoyed it. He accepted my apology and I asked him if we could do it again. He said he likes me and and he respects me but he was hesitant to do it again. But after much discussion and seduction, we ended hooking up again. Honestly, that was the best time ever and at that point I wanted to do it again and he seemed willing to do it again. And the best part was we made a promise to each other that we won't do it with anyone but to each other. The next day, i asked him if was still mad. He said no and told me to just forget everything. I thought everything was going fine until the next day. I asked if he wanted to do it that day. I got no reply. few hours later, I asked him what's wrong and he said he's flying back to his home country early next day and he has no time for me and he'll talk to me in a month when he's back. I doubt he flew back. Coz he's been replying to our friends on Facebook constantly. I'm bothered. why did he lie to me? what did i do wrong? im hurt

This guys is very experienced. He's done it with 19 women. He is 27 years old. Im 25 years old and was a virgin before this happened. I thought he is really respectful. He didn't want to do some of the dirty stuff that people do in bed.


Most Helpful Girl

  • The parents thing would've freaked me out, if it'd been mine or his.
    That's terribly awkward and I'm glad you guys seemed to get past that.
    It sounds like he's just done with you for the time being.
    If he is flying back or if he's not, he seemed to get quite cold with you... he could've been friendlier or warmer about it all, no need to be like, "Peace, I'm out" and just bounce.
    That being said, he did make it clear that he didn't want a relationship, so maybe he feels you're getting clingy, so he's backing off to avoid leading you on, making you think it's more than it is.
    He also seemed to act hesitant about having sex at all, which was either him playing around, or he was genuinely hesitant because he didn't want to lead you on when he's not wanting a relationship right now.
    I think you guys need to have a serious talk about what you want out of this right now. If it's just sex, then make sure BOTH of you can handle that. It sounds like you're wanting more, and maybe he sense that and it's causing him to take a few steps back.


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What Guys Said 3

  • Maybe you weren't ready for a friends with benefits relationship. You misunderstood the relationship as a RELATIONSHIP with meaning and heart behind it. All he wanted was a little nookie on the side and that's what he got. My advice is to question what you want and expect out of the relationship. Clearly he's not respectful.

    • Thanks! Very helpful!! im just baffled why he would say that he likes me and he thinks im beautiful and all that crap. there's no need to say those coz he knows he'll get it anyways. If anything, it just let me to believe that he wanted more when its clearly not the case.

    • Show All
    • Thanks! lesson is definitely learned. sadly, i learned it the hard way.

    • Good luck.

  • friends with benefits relationship, that is what you did wrong, oh and hooking up with a guy who has done many other woman. You are just #19 or #20.

  • Maybe he finally "grew up" or decided to get out of the situation so he wouldn't become "emotionally compromised", both are smart reasons for getting out of such a situation.

    • Thanks! Really helpful! I remember him saying he was scared and stressed out when I told him I got caught by parents.

    • You're welcome, 😌

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