Boyfriend Deleting His Texts…From the same girl I was worried about…Am I being paranoid?

My boyfriend and I just recently got back together. He has always had trouble keeping girls as just friends. There is always something inappropriate being said, although he never physically touched them while we were together… there were still comments and flirting that went too far.

There is a girl who we've had some trouble with recently. I don't trust him because of the past and he knows this. However, this girl and him have started to become "friends." The quotations are kind of necessary due to the fact that she has an obvious crush on him.
They were texting and messaging each other over Facebook every day, and the argument started not because of that, (I thought I was just being too jealous), but because of the fact that he had an hour and half phone conversation with her late at night while I was at work.

He admitted this to me and we had an argument. He asked me what I wanted and called me controlling. I mentioned if there was nothing going on then I could meet her and it wouldn't be awkward. He got angry at this.

Pretty much, we solved it after a long conversation. But it is one of those things that isn't really being brought up.

Recently he left his Facebook on my computer. I am the worst I know, but I checked. The other day he and her were messaging.
A conversation about sex came up. She said rough eh, and he took it out of context and said I like it rough.
She said me too. He replied naughty, and then she said some consider me submissive though.
He then said Lol let's stop this now before we get carried away. She mentioned that he started it. He said word and then continued the conversation.

Following that, I was super paranoid because he's like screw this Facebook thing, just text me up. I look at his phone… and all of the messages from her have been deleted.

I don't know how to confront him about this…or maybe I was the wrong one? Maybe it's not even that inappropriate because guys say these things to girls all the time?


Most Helpful Girl

  • He is Obviously playing hankie pankie with 'This girl' Not in Question in your book nor mine,1234, and it doesn't take a rocket scientist, for you have been Getting one Hint And---Hit---One right after another----They are becoming More than----Friends here.
    You have had a history of problems with him, Recently reunited and already, Once again, the Subtle sparks are an eye opener for what is in sore for More with this show that is well on the road, not something that's from Outter space.
    There is Fb frolicking, texting and tooting one another's horn from where I am sitting, and no matter how you slice the pie, he is trying to have his cake and eat it too, by being with You again, taking on another cutie pie, and stringing you along with, Expecting you to Take it, Buy it, hook, line and Sure as hell Sinker with this Stinker.
    It's More than just 'Inappropriate,' it's a slap in your face, Disrespectful to say the least, and as far as I am concerned, Nothing with this Cheat sheet will be 'Solved' with Any 'Conversation' because a zebra doesn't change it's stripes, he is proving that he cannot be trusted with the texting and the Sexting Now, and even if you were to be the new sheriff in town with your own Demands to dump this damsel, he most likely would go behind your skirt Continue his problem child pattern Of------Comments and flirting that are Still going way too far And will Not Stop.
    I also feel no matter how you slice the melon that 'He never physically touched them' will be the Next not too much of a tall order in his crossing the fine line here with you.
    You need to sit him down and have a long talk. However, as I say, it probably won't help, just cause another fight in the ring again And he Will-----Get angry at this.
    Everything laid before you Should be Taken 'Out of Context.' It's written all over the walls, etched in stone in my book, and this cheating cheetah is Back on the beaten path of prowling again, maybe pawing down the line.
    Good luck. xx


Have an opinion?

What Guys Said 4

  • Hm... if i'm to be honest that sounds like you got a legit reason to be worried.
    Sure, i mess wih my best friends who are in a relationship, but when i do it's always about the couple. Deleted messages tends to be suspicious, i'm afraid, especially taking his rep into account...

    trouble is, by confronting him you admit that you've been snooping arround. Wait it out, and see what happens, i'm afraid. COULD be nothing, and it'd be a shame if he broke up if he felt you were controlling...

  • I think it's time for you to shit or get off the pot. Either you put up with a guy who likes flirting with girls through text or you don't.

  • You'll never leave him because your way too crazy about him. He could be the biggest asshole and you'll hang around.

  • From what you described, it sounds like he probably will cheat on you with her in the near future... if he hasn't already.


What Girls Said 1

  • It is definitely inappropriate and he shouldn't get away with it BUT... this is the problem about checking your bf's Facebook behind his back... You can't prove your accusations without admitting your initial trust issues (and thus being at fault too).
    To me, anything he doesn't want his girlfriend to know about is called "cheating" (being a flirty conversation or anything else). He can have as many girl friends as he wants as long as they stay in the friend-zone. And this isn't what's happening here.
    I know it isn't easy but relationships without trust aren't healthy, and you obviously don't trust him (legitimately). My advice is to tell him upfront that if he wants to have a relationship with her, he is most welcome to do so, and you'll be out of his way. Don't tell him to stop texting her, it'll only make him want to text her more. Just give him a choice, in an mature way.

    • How do I bring it up though?
      We've already had the conversation and he always asks me why it has to be brought up again?
      I do feel like the more I bring it up the more it makes him want to talk to her.

      I also just don't understand… this girl knows he has a girlfriend. Why doesn't she see this as inappropriate?

    • She's not commited to you, he is :/. She's not the one to blame here unfortunately.
      What I would do is this. Whenever her name pops up again, I'd casually tell him "I noticed you guys have been close lately. If you feel like you'd be happier with her, let me know and I'll pack my stuff. If not, I'll be waiting for your call."
      This way, you keep your dignity AND make him understand that he cannot do both. No drama, nothing. He'll also see that you won't put up with anything he decides to do regardless of your feelings. You have other options, show it to him, don't be afraid to leave.