Should I just forget trying to "find a girlfriend" and live my life?

I am thinking about just living my life and working towards being happy on my own, getting some friends, etc and instead of trying to look around and see which girls to ask out, to just accept that when the time is right, she will naturally walk into my life.

Other than that, if I develop a crush, I'll talk to her and see if something happens. If there's a girl that starts talking to me and showing interest, great. If I by coincidence bump into a girl and we hit it off, great.

But I think I am done trying to chase and actively look for girls. It's emotionally and mentally draining, even when you haven't gone on a date.

I'll just stay true to my dreams and know that when the time is right, life is destined to allow my girl to enter my life.

From what I hear, some people say that doing this is actually more likely to make you run into a COMPATIBLE partner because you're being yourself and then the girls you attract as a result are attracted to the true you so it all works out and makes sense and is aligned.

What do you think? Is it better to just forget "dating" or trying to "get dates", live life, and accept that when the time is right, the girl of your dreams will come into your life?


Most Helpful Girl

  • Live life man! Serial dating leads to 2-month I thought we loved each other relationships. Then every girl is a comparison to the past girl and the girl that you imagine to complete your true love fantasy. Not to mention I'm sure at least half of the girls you've dated complain about how many you've dated or slept with. Makes people really uncomfortable and that's where they start drawing conclusions and re-evaluating their opinion on you... Then the bad arguments and breakups follow. The I need to find myself speech. No one wants a serial dater their views on relationships are skued because of it. Relax your heart, mind, body, and soul. You'll land on the right flower bumblebee!! Salut!

    • Actually, I haven't dated anyone because I haven't been able to get a date, but like I said, I think I am done actively searching for dates, and when the time is right, she will come.

    • Show All
    • And I have been making the same mistake for the padt 7.5 months, especially because I am a left-brain kind of guy so it's only natural for me to want to plan things out and control my life.

      But you can't control romance. You can do things to make it more likely to meet him or her, called putting yourself out there so you are in more positions to meet the right people, but you shouldn't force anything with anyone. You shouldn't talk to girls or guys with "get a date with him/her" in the back if your mind. Just talk, and if he or she is right, it will all work out on its own.

      By the way, a girl who is happy on her own is much more attractive and interesting than someone who needs me. The, "I don't need anyone to be happy," attitude is much more attractive. It's called confidence.

      But as they say, don't ask for something you can't bring to the table. That's why I am striving to be that kind of guy too, happy on my own.

    • I have no life experience. I am just speculating and theorizing what I think is the best approach to landing a successful relationship.

      Also, take care of your looks, not just because you want a girlfriend or boyfriend, but because you respect yourself and have pride in yourself and to feel good. Feeling good is another aspect of confidence. In general, you should have a positive/feel good attitude. That is also attractive, but again, do it for yourself because you want to be happy and feel goof, which I assume most people do.

Most Helpful Guy

  • that's not a bad way to go, especially in this society. im doing the same shit bruh. focusing on my life but just dating on the side to keep options fresh. im not heavily investing in a girl more than my career.

    • Well, the difference is that I can't get a date. I have been trying to, but nothing has worked out and no girls showed any interest. I am thinking about just giving up and letting the dates come if they want.

    • that works too. when I stop trying completely it still happens lol.

Have an opinion?

What Girls Said 4

  • as they say, its usually when you stop searching that you find what you're looking for (i thinks thats how it goes) weather thats true or not is another thing.. just live your life, im sure that special someone with show herself eventually.. and dont let your life evolve around girls or finding a girl. it took me a while to find someone and even while dating him i tell myself to just live my life as it was before i found him

  • Well honestly, live your life and go do the activities you enjoy. Hopefully you will meet someone while you are doing your favorite hobbies. Usually it will happen when you least expect. Keep your options open. If you hit it off with someone that's great. I wasn't looking when I met my fiancé and we met at a roller skating rink. Just keep your eyes and mind open. There is someone for everyone. But if you ever do find someone that you like ask her out. If it's a no, do not let it get to you. Obviously they don't know the amazing person you are. I don't know you but everyone has good qualities. She's out there somewhere for you. And i don't want to say "oh well your under 18 don't worry about it" because I met my fiancé when I was 16. Good luck buddy!

  • You have to just live your life and be happy. If you go out of your way to find love, you won't. Love happens when you least expect it.

    • Yeah, though I think the reason I am afraid to take this approach is I am worried that if nothing happens for another say, 10 years, I'll feel like I wasted my life and maybe if I had just tried to date, I would have found someone.

    • You are still young you are under 18. Dont wait 10 years. There will be girls I am sure that will come along some may not work out but thats how life goes.

    • Well the idea of this approach is to wait indefinitely, until a girl shows up. So theoretically, if I don't crush on any girls or bump into any girls or have any girls crush on me in the next 100 years, there's a 0% chance of getting a girlfriend, unless I live past 116.

      But of course, we know that there is basically a 0% chance of THAT happening.

  • yeah. It's important to be happy just with yourself first.


What Guys Said 3

  • I think your decision is sound. I agree with @Tashhh. When you're not looking for love it will pounce on you. Also if you've been trying hard maybe you looked desperate. And not to mention all the energy and emotion dating can suck from you.

  • If it works for you then great, but I've been doing this my whole life and have never had a GF.

    • Well, then again, you're under 18 so...

    • You are too m8

    • That's why I am asking this.

      No, my point was that it doesn't really mean much if YOU haven't found someone yet using this approach because quite a few people don't until later. If you were 25 though and saying the same thing, then that would be something to consider.

  • You're under 18 nothin to worry about. Just be yourself

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