I can't imagen myself being a relationship ever. Why?

I just feel like i am to independant and i dont need anyone to lean on, i mean i would love to fall in love but it hasn't happened , im 22 years old and never had a boyfriend , I've dated 2 guys for a "long" time and its always been complicated.
The thought of being in a relationship scares me, what am i going to do with a boy? keep him in my closet until im bored and take him out?
I go to school , i work a lot and i travel etc, but when i see my friends having date nights etc with their loved ones, honestly i do wish i had a bf but than the fear of opening up to someone scares me.
I grew up with no father, my mother has always worked several jobs to provide for me and my brother, so I've been used to taking care of myself and always being alone and depend on myself. I buy whatever i want but than the thought of someone giving you flowers or suprising you is something i want but i think that its not for me and it won't ever happen to me, those things aren't ment to be for me. So I've stopped dating. I feel like sandra bullock in the proposal
Why do i feel this way?


Most Helpful Guy

  • Why can't you imagine yourself in a relationship? You answer that yourself: "I'm 22 years old and never had a boyfriend."

    You can't imagine it because you haven't experienced it. You don't know how the 'day to day' would work, other than your attempted 'complicated' relationships, so you can't imagine how it would fit into your life. Your life right now is structured for you, and you alone, so you can't see how someone would fit into it because it isn't designed for two.

    It is the same thing as me telling you there were two extra colours of the rainbow, quilist and dawatrin. I could tell you to just imagine what those colours look like, but you have no frame of reference. Your brain is a pattern-recognition machine. Without a pattern, it fritzes out. It has no way to categorize the information.

    I don't think it's a case of you thinking 'this isn't for me'. I think it's simply a case of 'this hasn't happened yet, and I can't imagine how my life would function if it did, or how I could adjust my life to help facilitate it'. You feel the way you do because you don't know anything different. You haven't experienced it, and are having a hard time imagining yourself in the role. Just picture yourself in a dawatrin dress with quilist shoes and you'll get a good idea of what it is like to be in a long term, stable relationship. Or, decide you want to do something about that before it becomes harder, and start making some changes.


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What Guys Said 2

  • Because your habit is to be alone. To be with someone, you just have to change the behaviors.

    • How..

    • Work on changing your mindset. Rather than viewing a partner as a sex toy you pull out of the closet, you see them as a person who can enhance your life. Believe it or not, you're not perfect and there are things that another person can bring to the table that can make things better. You may not be good at planning, so a person who is good at planning could compliment you and together you can be better than the sum of the parts.

    • Start dating casually at first to get used to the idea.

  • me and you both but i'm older sadly


What Girls Said 1

  • Because you're afraid of change?

    • I would love to have a bf, but the thought of them not staying or the risk of loving and being hurt i can't do it

    • I guess the fear is natural when you grew up with no father. It makes you think men are unreliable and untrustworthy (especially when your mother consciously or unconsciously keeps repeating that mantra).
      My father died when I was 18. I got seriously messed up by it and didn't date for many years, because I didn't want to lose anyone I love again. To me, breakups are like death of a loved one. And realistically, I feel like 99% of teenage, early-20s relationships don't last, so I wasn't in a rush. You're just realistic about your fears coming true.

      When your desire to be loved is greater than your fear of losing someone you love, you're ready for experiencing love and you're ready to deal with the (eventual) breakup. I think those who weren't really ready or realistic about the latter are those who can't get over their (sometimes very short) first love even if it's been years since the breakup.