How to tell a guy is desperate or not?

We met on a dating app. He asked me to be exclusive in two weeks after our first date. During that time he contacted me daily and we had at least four dates a week. i also met his friends.

He just got divorced less than two months before he met me and was separated about a year and half before the divorce was final

And I was his first gf since the divorce. Was he just desperate

Maybe desperate is a bad word. My real question is... since his divorce was so recent was he just lonely and that's why he got into a relationship so fast? Because after a few months of dating he seemed lonely.


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What Guys Said 2

  • It depends how you define "desperate."

    I like to think of "desperate" as someone who doesn't have too many good options available, and therefore, has a very low threshold on what he or she is willing to accept for themselves. The flip side of that coin, is people who are insecure about either being or potentially appearing desperate, and try to convince themselves or others that they're not desperate by adopting unrealistically high expectations.

    You can usually tell who is desperate just by recognizing someone's value in the marketplace based on the qualities that add value to them.

    As an analogy, consider people in the employment context. As an employer, you pretty much know who is desperate or not. A "confident" cover letter isn't really going to hide or make up for the fact that the potential candidate lacks a decent degree, or gpa, or honors, or work experience, or skills, etc. Similarly, a "modest" or "non-flashy" cover letter doesn't mean than someone who graduated summa cum laude with honors and distinction and has a boat load of skills that he's bringing to the table with quality experience is "desperate." You don't even really need to "interview" to get an idea of how "desperate" (how much or how little either one of those people would reasonably be happy with) each of those two candidates are, because you already have an idea of their other available options in the market place based on what they're bringing to the table.

    Do you really need to "date" a rich good-looking guy to have an idea of whether or not he's "desperate"? Similarly, do you really need to "date" an "average" looking and "average" income/wealth guy to know what his willingness to accept is in the dating marketplace? No, you don't. Because, if they're "too high," it doesn't mean that he's not desperate - it means he's out of touch with reality and life will eventually teach him (or he'll continue living in a delusion).

  • Doesn't sound desperate to me. Sounds like he just doesn't play around.


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