When a girl says 'yes' to a guy, its it usually due to 'mercy' ?

I have often wondered this. Impressing a girl and make her feel attracted to him, is one of the most arduous tasks for a guy in the modern era. And this 'attraction' is almost always a hit-and-miss, because she is either attracted to him or she isn't. There's no middle path. To make it worse, guys are always expected to make the first move, in spite of so many changes in gender roles and woman today being able to do everything which was once considered 'man's domain'. A common estimate is that a girls often rejects a dozen guys for every guy she accepts.

Considering all this, do you feel that more often than not, when girls say 'yes', they just do it out of mercy and sympathy for the guy rather than attraction, because its just so damn difficult for a guy to make a girl attracted to him?

Both guys and girls are most welcome to vote/answer.

  • Yes
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  • No
    Vote B
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Most Helpful Girl

  • WOOOOOW... wow wow wow wow wow wow.

    Very contentious question here. Very contentious. And it all depends on circumstance, her history, her objectives, her priorities, Many many things. Her self-esteem, even.

    If I had to write a book, maybe this would be a good topic -- The sort of girls who reject or accept different types of guys, and what it all means for them and you.

    It's not even all about looks. (Definitely not). Or how much moola you have in your pocket. And no, I wouldn't say there is no middle ground. Always, I will reject those guys whom I feel are creepy and just not good looking enough. Then, there are guys who are OK-looking. I'm not immediately attracted to them, but I don't think they are ugly, and they may have some very nice qualities, so if they were so wonderful and to borrow a line from Jerry Macguire "complete me", then maybe they may become my love of my life. Conversely, a lot of men who are very nice-looking, I'd definitely hang out with as much as I can because nice-looking men always make you feel happy being around them, but I just had one last month who wanted a relationship really soon after meeting me, and I said no. His personality failed from the get-go. Sometimes (and I'm sure this happens for men too), you look at a person and they look amazing but you just can't see them fitting in to your idea of a happy lifelong relationship.

    More importantly, to answer your question more directly, girls won't say "yes" out of mercy. The thought of having to deal with the heartbreak and rejection tantrums of a guy you are not attracted to is nightmarish lol.

    • Wow, thanks for the well thought out answer! Much appreciated!

      What I meant was, since women are so damn picky when it comes to guys that it often borders on being ridiculous, they only say yes to some men out of mercy because the kind of men they 'expect' are very few anyway.

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    • I don't agree... YES, it is harder to let love back in when you have taught yourself to harden up in the face of rejection. BUT, for ANYBODY, in any area of life, learning to cope with rejection is a very valuable skill. And guys who can deal with rejection get brownie points. And then extra brownie points if he can maintain is sensitive side despite a history of rejection. Or recover it, if it needed CPR after a few palpable blows.

    • And from personal experience, rejection makes you more appreciative of what you have around you. It doesn't make you "settle" for less. It makes you more appreciative of things you'd have otherwise gone through your life taking for granted.

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What Girls Said 6

  • i personally can find a man attractive just for trying (if he is trying hard enough). or the way guys get around girls they like... its cute and the awkwardness makes it feel genuine.
    but then again, even if i made my mind whether its yes or no, his actions/character CAN change it
    if i say yes to a guy, and after i say it he starts acting like a total jerk, id feel like this is the real him and the yes will simply turn into a no
    same goes with a no, lets say we started off on the wrong foot, but then we start over or something clears up the mess that happend... and the no can turn into a yes

    but saying yes out of sympathy? no, no
    because if im really not into him, when i say yes then im telling him yes you can get even closer and more intimate to me (even though im not interested and dont want you to)
    and its not really fair to the guy... at all. the whole false hope and then break up thing is just a little too cruel

    p. s: sorry for my bad english, not my first language its also 4am lol
    anything not clear just ask
    and this is my own opinion but i know a lot of girls out there feels the same (even the vote is all "no")

    • "i personally can find a man attractive just for trying" - Lady, I salute you for saying this! You're one of the very few girls who actually appreciate guys mustering up enough courage, with the fear of rejection looming, to express themselves to girls. Most other girls are hypocrites who behave like rejection is no big deal and advise guys to 'deal with it', when they themselves would have no ideas how much damage a rejection can deal to a person's confidence and emotions.

      How i wish more girls thought the same way as you. :(

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    • That's because 9 out of 10 times, its the guys who make the first move. Which means, they're much more likely to face rejection. Girls hardly, if ever, make the first move. The daring ones who do, are usually quite bold and confident so they are unlikely to get rejected.

      And if someone keeps getting rejected by EVERY girl, then his confidence is sure to get shattered. It may seem unlikely, but believe me there are guys who experience this even if they don't have any flaws.

    • wow i didn't know that

      and lol i never approach guys lol but im a jerk magnet sometiems so no guys ever say it straight out so i can say yes or no lol its usually mind games and i also "reject" them (nicely) with mind games haha xD

  • First of all, you can't CONVINCE a girl to be attracted to you. She is or she isn't. End of story.
    And you can't convince her to like you... girls can ALWAYS tell when a guy is trying to hard to impress her and he ends up embarrassing himself and looking stupid. It sounds cheesy but the best thing to do is be yourself and eventually a girl who come along who likes who you really are. After all if you purposely act one way to *try* to attract a girl, eventually she will see who you really are.

    Anyway, no, girls don't do that. I've agreed to go on a date with one guy just because he was super nice and I was on the spot and didn't wanna be mean, but it was just one "date" and I didn't even treat it like a date and I didn't talk to him after that. That might be as far as this "pity" thing goes, like one date...

    • Yeah, i do understand that when it comes to girls, she is either attracted or she isn't/ So if she says 'no', it will remain a 'no' forever. I wonder why guys don't think the same way, like they're quite 'flexible' in terms of what they're attracted to, and nothing is set in stone for them.

      So, any reason why you went out with this guy in spite of you not being attracted to him, even if it was just one date? Was it the classic case of "I'm not attracted to super nice guys because nice guys are obviously boring too"?

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    • A 'respectable and kind' dude wouldn't gawk at a girl in a swimsuit in a pervy way, nor would he try to sleep with the girl so damn soon after the first date.

    • I didn't say he gawked at me in a "pervy" way, but he was staring at me, for your information, in the face. And of course I don't think he's kind and respectable NOW. He didn't wear a t-shirt that said "I'm gonna try to sleep with you on the first date" nor do I have a crystal ball.

  • When a sweet guy I'm not attracted to asks me for my number I usually give it to him because I'll feel otherwise. Although I usually try to remember to lie and tell them that I have a boyfriend and ask if they still want it regardless. That way the know that if they get it, it'd be just friends.

    • I'll feel bad otherwise*

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    • Yeah, that's what. In general, are you attracted to very few men, only those who have those exact characteristics (in terms of looks and other aspects too) you desire?

    • ?
      I don't desire any specific characteristics?
      Sorry, I'm not sure what you're getting at.

  • I'm a slow poke during initial relationships. I have found not to trust first impressions. Letting things just happen works for me.

  • I say yes to guys I'm not attracted to because women are told over and over to "give guys a chance" and that real women see the good in people. So sometimes you just really push it despite having a lower interest level.

    But also say yes to guys I'm genuine excited about.

    It's never about mercy, but sometimes about hope.

    • Why does it matter what women are 'told', because apparently that's not what's happening? I mean... the expectations of women from a potential partner is so high these days, that most common men have no chance at all.

      And about 'giving a chance', I guess you're amongst the very few women who actually do that. Most others go around like "You're a really awesome guy but you don't have that perfect jawline I desire, so I'm not attracted to you". or something equally ridiculous.

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    • i think he's just worn down a bit and acting out from hurt, not conceited. Life can be tough. But rage like that is counterproductive, despite being a common impulse.

    • @been_waiting
      I don't believe in 'luck'. And I'm not 'blaming' women. Like I said, they've made their choice about me and I have made mine about them.

      @Opinion owner
      Yeah, I'm hurt. Very badly hurt. Its just that over the past few years, I have numbed my pain to a certain extent but sometimes my emotions come out of the blue (like how it happened in this question).

  • out of mercy? no way! has to be attraction or nothing.


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