What are the cons of a polyamarous relationship?

What are the cons of a polyamarous relationship?
Are there any pros- can it work?


Most Helpful Guy

  • Well, one of the biggest cons is the massive amount of misinformation regarding it, and the fact that people will judge your relationship without any understanding of how it actually works in practice.

    Can it work? Yes, of course. I know dozens of people personally that have successful long-term polyamorous relationships. They can be immensely emotionally rewarding. But they are very difficult to handle if you are not emotionally mature.

    Biggest pro is that it lets you experience unconditional love. That is the game-changer, and that is the appeal to a lot of people. That is something that you cannot get out of monogamy, by definition. As soon as you say "I will love you IF AND ONLY IF you agree to not love anyone else, regardless of you may feel" you are introducing a condition, and the love cannot be unconditional. So that is the biggest pro. Another would be the fact that you don't have to be everything to someone, you can just be you, and play to your strengths. As a gamer, I like to have a partner to game with. But if I have multiple partners, I don't need them all to be gamers. If someone isn't a gamer, it's not a deal-breaker. They can just be them, and we can do things together that are in their interests. It allows everyone to just be themselves and to grow and foster their own personal interests, while providing ways to learn about new things from other people.

    Additionally, the level of honesty and open communication required for polyamorous relationships to work introduce a level of transparency that is missing from a lot of monogamous relationships, so that is generally a pro as well.

    As for the cons... it is a lot of emotional work required to get through the learned fears associated with monogamy. Jealousy and possessiveness are fear-based emotions, and most people's initial worry about poly is that they will be left behind, replaced, or compared. That fear is reinforced by society, and is therefore incredibly difficult to work through.

    • I agree with a lot if what you are saying but I think it's wrong for you to say it might be difficult if someone is not "emotionally mature". Emotional maturity doesn't come into it if you don't agree with polyamarous relationshipsm

    • Show All
    • Good point. I'm glad you balanced the argument.

    • Thanks, I try to see all sides of a discussion whenever possible. Polyamory is one that gets a lot of people confused though. The general ethical viewpoint is essentially that:
      "An ethical life if built of integrity, honesty, kindness, decency and the belief in truth, justice, honour, love, respect, compassion and working together to make life better."
      Obviously a non-poly person can have a similar belief system. The difference is that monogamy has giant social constructs in place that help a relationship muddle along if both parties do NOT live that way. For polyamory to work, all parties HAVE to work that way, or the relationships deteriorate.

      There is a huge focus in poly relationships on honesty and self-responsibility, so the relationships, when successful, are generally highly ethical.

Have an opinion?

What Guys Said 3

  • In my opinion it harms your chances of having a successful monogamous relationship in the future.

    Relationships are built upon beliefs, values, and principles. These are standards people live and grow by. We practice and reinforce these beliefs through our interactions with other people.

    If you aren't living by them in a monogamous relationship then how will you be able to find someone who remains faithful and accepts you for who you are.

    The main cons:
    -Makes you less appealing as a long term partner.
    -Often devalues and makes sex seem less intimate.
    -Higher chance of STDs.

    • Very good answer.

    • Thanks, it's also pretty much all but encourages jealousy and envy.
      It's a no win situation.

    • Uhhh... polyamory is about the REMOVAL of jealousy and envy. That's pretty much the exact opposite of how it is practised.

  • the cons are basically for the guy. It's hard for guys to find random girls to have sex with, so having 'permission' from your spouse is actually the easy part. Also, financially it may cause some resentment: if the guy is supporting the house entirely, for example, he may get annoyed seeing his girlfriend eat and sleep on his dime, and then go out and fuck whomever else she wants. Of course, the same is true if the girl is the 'bread-winner,' though there is less risk because (again) guys have a harder time getting laid.

    But, if both are relatively equal contributors, then it shouldn't be an issue. You only have to worry about the imbalance of sexual partners, but this can be partially alleviated if the girl organizes FFM threesomes or something..

    • oh, you could establish a rule that you can only sleep with people who are also in a polyamorous relationship. While this is very limiting, it evens the odds and diminishes the chance of outside attachment.

    • Another really good point.

  • CONS - collided with any modern cultural value and morality
    PROS - assuaged the ambivalence came from manifold personalities as human soul is made with poly incompatible traits , Contradiction is inside the body and requires to ceaselessly meet its desire one by one and balances all needs and primary.


What Girls Said 2

  • I can't think of any pros, to be honest. The point of love is finding the one person you feel everything for. You don't have someone's full love or commitment.

    • I agree to be honest, I'm forward thinking but this is too much. I'm all for monogamy.

  • If I were in a relationship like that, my biggest worry would be STDs. Condoms don't protect against everything, and all it takes is for one person to lie!

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