What makes a guy want to commit? I have never had a guy like me enough to commit to me?

I think I should tell you what kind of girl I am. I don't date casually (would like a serious interaction), humble, I am objectively beautiful, my dress sense is classy, I love wearing heels, I'm a goof and extremely funny, philosophical, kind, always smiling and a good friend (sociable). These things I know because my friends describe me like that. I am highly intelligent (doing a PhD) and enjoy helping people. I have throughout my life.. met several guys and been asked out by several men. However, when it comes down to it... guys never like me enough to start a real relationship with me. Guys will say "You're special" .. don't know what that is supposed to mean but I'm clearly not special enough for them to want me haha. I accept that guys don't like me and I have tried for years to change myself and improve myself. I've asked my friends and dear ones and they say its not me, I'm perfectly fine and amazing but its the guys. But I believe it is me since I am the common denominator in this. Guys will always have dated the last girl or next girl but somehow I am not worth that commitment. And then people get surprised when I say no guys never like me (usually as a response to friends who think I have had boyfriends or have one). I have given up and know that even when it feels right, somehow it'll never happen for me. I met the absolute perfect guy and he did everything for me. One day we kissed (he kissed me) and he suddenly decided that he doesn't want to take it further with me. I never pressured him, he chased me and he claims we had a click. So I wonder what is so hideous about me that a guy would'nt even want to give me that place in their life. A part of me is dying.. because I am exhausted by this failure. At one point you realise, you're just never going to be good enough for a guy. I'd still like some insight as to what makes a guy want to commit to a girl and why they don't commit to a girl even if they seem to like her?


Most Helpful Guy

  • I am going to see a dating coach, David wygant, I suggest you do the same. To me you seem too straight-laced and thus boring. I like a girl that stands out and is different but every guy is different. You should find out what makes you you and different from all the other girls and go from there. Why should a guy commit to you rather than any of the other girls out there.

    • Thats a constructive point, perhaps I am just someone who is fun to be friends with but not worth more. I don't know what to but I'll definitely pay attention to that. Thank you :)

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What Guys Said 3

  • For me I cannot explain why I want to. I usually want to commit to someone when I have some type of infatuation and get to know them.

  • The world is spinning and we are breathing. Breathe now and give. The rest doesn't matter. Just loved someone and give it a value.

    • :D Also true...

    • :D Yea and we must believe this truth and ı think ım nervous. Im sorry :D

    • haha no worries, what you say is actually quite profound but its much easier said. To be so selfless, especially when you have been hurt!

  • I'm pretty sure you're wrong, phD or not, you're either blind to something simple or you lack people skills so you can't see what would be obvious to someone else.

    You dated guys, fair enough - how long (on average) before you slept with them?

    • I've had one boyfriend and waited 3 months to have sex since I lost my virginity to him. After that I dated another guy for not too long since he did get needy and obsessed. But he is the only exception. You can take my word for it, I have very good people's skills and I am always fun. I used to have problems allowing people in but I have learned to do that on an individual level with guys. I'm not drama or crazy and I don't believe in waiting for a guy to commit, since I know he never will if he hasn't now. So you're right, I am blind to something. But so are my friends, I have a lot of friends and a few very close friends who are brutally honest with me and even they don't see it so I don't know.. even after spending years trying to figure out why I am so unattractive for a relationship. But anyway, perhaps you could answer what does make a guy commit? Or why he doesn't when he seems to like the girl?

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    • No, I'm pretty sure it's the sex. By the time you're approaching mid 20's to 30, most guys who are still dating do not expect to be treated like a teenager and told that sex is off the table until they've somehow proved themselves.

    • could be, thank you for your insight :)

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