Is this a turn off to guys?

So I am the type of person to think... a lot. Sometimes a little more than I should but I like to be prepared mentally and emotionally for hypothetical situations. I don't dwell on things but I do think many things through to the point where I have a clear understanding of potentials.

So I ask you, is that a turn off?

If there is a habit that my partner has and I am completely aware that I would not be content with this being a continuing habit if we one day start a family together, I am going to tell him. Not to ask him to change, but to let him know that my lifestyle I wish to have has no room for that habit and if they continue in this relationship with me it needs to be known now prior to things getting to the point to where we have no turning back. So I let them know my hearts desires and feelings about it now before it even becomes a problem because I think about the hypothetical situations if we continue to be together...

I think it is good for foundation...

  • Turn Off. I would hate that.
    Vote A
  • Turn On. Good communication skills
    Vote B
  • Results/Other/Explain
    Vote C
Select age and gender to cast your vote:
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To be more specific so you all have an understanding of where I am coming from...

I am dating a guy who smokes weed on a regular basis. I don't mean a couple times a week... I am talking every day. & I don't have a problem now bc he is together.
He has a good job, is active, smart and so forth. I use occasionally too. However, if we have a family one day, I would not be okay with him being high constantly around our family.


Most Helpful Guy

  • I wouldn't mind that at all, its good for both of us if you think about it, which I know you already have hahaa :D it definitely gets things out in the open and saves time.

    • Lol Yes! So he isn't going to think I am nuts when I tell him my feelings?
      I am glad one guy understands where I am coming from. Thank you.

    • Show All
    • :) Haha I appreciate your time in talking this through with me. You are awesome!

    • ooh noice:D TyvM!:)

Have an opinion?

What Guys Said 1

  • Other: I appreciate the analyzing and evaluation but the expressed inflexibility is not ok. Though it's good communication, a healthy relationship takes compromise on both sides though at times one side will need to compromise more than the other. Regarding your update, I think this ultimatum could have been worded and presented better but I agree that he would need to make a dramatic change.

    • I dont really think it is an ultimatium. There is someone for everyone & there is someone out there who will be more accepting to his lifestyle choice. I am not being demanding in the thought of it... Just want to be honest. I can see your point though. Thank you.

What Girls Said 2

  • I had a feeling that would be the habit. I also have the same feeling on it and had this conversation with an ex. While I see where you're coming from, I realized I was the one at fault.

    He was not asking me to be anything other than what I was. And I knew who he was and what his habit was going into the relationship. I was the one asking him to be someone different before I would be willing to commit to him. He hadn't done anything wrong or different. The issue was with me.

    I now choose not to date guys who smoke weed preferably ever, but certainly not as often as my ex was. A rare occasion would be acceptable to me. That's my choice, and I'm not asking anyone to change. Some guys have tried to convince me to date them despite their habit since then, but my rule is the same. I don't ask them to change.

    If you want to keep dating this guy then by all means, but recognize that you can't make him change or ask him to. He is who he is and who he has always been when you started dating him. All you can do is make a mental decision not to take him seriously in the long-term.

    • I completely agree! I just don't feel like it is right to lie about me being okay with his habit long term but I don't feel like it is a relationship I should just drop because I don't necessarily know the man he wishes to be as a husband and a father. I know for a fact he doesn't smoke around his nieces, mother and grandmother... I just feel as though it is good I am aware of what I want long term and it definitely should be discussed. If we aren't on the same page then we aren't on the same page and there will be someone out there who will love him and care for him just as much and likely more than I do... Those two, they will be on the same page.

    • I am just nervous he is going to think I am crazy for thinking so far ahead lol. I don't go into relationships for the heck of it. I know what I want and need in a man... I don't want him to be blind sighted as soon as we say "I Do.".

  • Well, why would you date a guy who smokes weed regularly when you know it will bother you in the future? That's more on your fault that on his. Date someone who's habits don't bother you so much.

    • Which is why I want to tell him that. I cannot imagine him being a man that would constantly be high around his children or family, but I feel as though I should tell him before we move further in our relationship. He may say that he smokes now because he doesn't have that responsibility and that is why he is honestly waiting for marriage and kids. Because he still wants to do what he pleases and not have to sacrifice. Nothing is wrong with that.

    • & honestly, I didn't know he smoked so often until my feelings were already there. & I am starting to become more aware of it now. I cannot even tell when he is high because I don't see a difference. I just feel as though that when you are high consistently things turn into a haze... & I am speaking from experience when I was an avid user... I just don't want memories and family time in the future to be a haze or a blur... Those are things to be cherished. That would break my heart. You know?

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