I'm really confused about what is really going on here?

I have been seeing this man for a few months now and nothing was ever expected to be beyond having sex. We texted a lot over time? He did from time to time encourage me to seek other guys we weren't exclusive or anything its not like we could anyway. He knew I hung out a lot at this one bar and said maybe i should find someone there. Things were like this for a while and everything was all good up until recently he started acting out of the ordinary in various different ways. First of all he eventually told me he is not comfortable coming over having sex with me and leaving and I respecting so its like okay let's just be friends then and text and what not. Not too long after that went out and actually did something together other than hooking up in the bedroom each time he saw me. He asked me if I wanted to go hiking. of all the people he could have spent all of the hours he had available for the day he chose me. After that we went and walked around a store for a while then left and he kissed and hugged me goodbye. It was a wonderful day makes me think he really does like me and shows signs he wants to step things up. After the date he seemed to be pushing me more to get with a guy at the bar I hang out at often. at the same time he shows that he doesn't like it that I go to the bar so much and tries to convince me to go less often. I'm very confused because first he takes me out on a date we had a great time, then he keeps pushing me way more than he used to, to find a guy to hook up with at the bar, but yet at the same time he tries to get me away from going there as much as I do. I'm just confused and I need help trying to figure out what's really going on here?


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What Guys Said 1

  • Sounds unusual. Is he bipolar?

    • Not that I know up. I think it might boil down to figuring out whether he really wants to be with me or doesn't but his behavior indicates both. I do question that him pushing me toward finding another guy at the bar is he even serious about or is it really about something else? Can you be more detailed on your opininion on this question?

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    • Don't blame him for "not having the balls" (a particularly misogynist saying, used often by women!) to tell you. Because he might not be willing to admit it to himself.

      I once had this girlfriend in college, whom I was rather attracted to. Or so I thought. It was only much later that I realised that in fact, I wasn't willing to commit. Probably because at the back of my mind, I felt she was not the right one for me. And wasn't quite ready for a relationship yet, but was just getting pressurised by what my friends were doing and what she wanted.

      So I worked in a way that it failed :-) This is how our subconscious decides for us!

      The other possibility is he's trying to send across a deeper message. Is he trying to test you? To see if you'll sleep with someone else, just to see how committed you are?

    • Him seeing if I would sleep with another guy as a test to see how committed I am to him is something I had thought of. I also think at the same time he wants to keep up his interest in me especially if I really am committed to him. The only other part that he hasn't seen is me going to the bar less often. Now if I did that by getting involved with something closer home. I live 5 minutes away from where he lives. The bar is a 20 minute drive. He wants me to be doing things more often in our small town which makes it easier for us to establish a relationship. If I'm at the bar all the time it just won't happen. If I'm really committed to him I gotta do two things. Continue to not get involved with another guy and get involved in things closer to my town. I don't mind doing it. Its not just for him but I do care about him and will do what it takes. Might I also mention he not trying to get me to stop going to the bar completely just less often. Shows he's not selfish.

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