I am absolutely scared to lose this man out of my life?

It all started shortly after I decided to leave my job in which we both worked together. This guy and I had totally hit it off over the last 1.5 years, building a solid friendship. At the time we met, he was in a long-term relationship, and I was also seeing persons here and there. Toward the end of leaving, I broke my relationship off knowing my feelings for him were becoming increasingly stronger day by day, him feeling the same.

All in all, he ended up ending a 7-year relationship to see how things would go for me. I know how awful this sounds... I have been in a long-term relationship like that and it takes time to heal. He immediately tried to jump into things with me, even after I suggested he take time to "heal." He adamently denied he didn't need time to heal as she had cheated on him some time ago, and he had never been able to get over it.

Everything was great for the first month. Amazing, fabulous, fun. The second month set in, and his insecurities strongly came through... and he started to pull back. Way back. Back so far, that it scares me... because it's almost as if he's emotionally non-existant. He cried the other day when I wrote him a letter trying to explain that I was getting toward my witts end and felt I might need to break this off because he wouldn't talk. He cried for 75% of the 2-hour conversation because he knew his insecurities were pulling him away (and I think perhaps more). He was scared and didn't want to lose me.

Update : My big fear is what do I do now? I don't want to lose him out of my life forever. I want to be with him so badly... but also think he needs to heal his heart before he can accept my love. We have SO much fun together and had an amazing friendship for 1.5 years prior to dating.



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What Guys Said 1

  • Communicate clearly your feelings "only if" you want the friendship to either end and turn into a relationship. Once it ends, and you don't turn it into a relationship, it will become awkward or complicated, or fixed up again, perhaps. However, it should really be in his place to tell you you things. Maybe you need to be patient enough for him to heal, but also consider that you don't want to wait around forever for someone who may not be "the one." So, have a good chat, lead him so he can initiate it, and see where it goes. Rationally speaking, it is better be daring and risk your opposite-sex friendship, because those are harder to maintain in your adult life. So, go out there and get some answers!


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