I attract the women I'm not interested in, but I'm having a hard time attracting the ones I AM interested in. Help?

I'm a 23 year old guy, and I'm having a crazy hard time finding a woman I WANT to be with. I've NEVER had a girlfriend, for starters. There was one girl in particular that I met in High School, my Senior year, that I just thought was absolutely flawless. She was so beautiful. Words can't even explain. I'll call her "Nicole" on here. The feeling I had when I saw Nicole was indescribable, it was like a movie. I HAD to talk to her, and I did. We hit it off instantly and we had a lot in common. Basically, long story short, she cheated on her boyfriend to sleep with me. It lasted 5 months. She told me she loved me, but didn't want to break up with her boyfriend yet blah blah. Obviously a girl that cheats usually isn't good news to begin with. She broke up with her bf eventually, disappeared off the face of the earth with her manager at work, and I never spoke to her again. It's been 6 years since then. I've slept around with a lot of girls since, but not a single one gave me that feeling. YES, I know Nicole didn't care. But she was still attracted to me at the least. There's been a few girls I've been interested in since then, but they just flat out weren't interested at all. I feel as though I'm holding these women to the standard of being like Nicole. The ones that give you chills when they look at you. The butterflies. All of the ones that give me those, treat me like a bug, ignore my messages, or just look totally disinterested. ESPECIALLY the ignore part. I feel like I had just lucked out WAY too much with Nicole. When she was attracted to me, I felt attractive. I felt like my self esteem was through the roof. I don't think I'm ugly, but clearly I must be, if I'm ALWAYS ignored by the ones I'm attracted to. I've even tried lowering my standards just to get my self esteem back up, and a lot of those girls don't even act interested. Its fucking with me. Should I keep aiming high, or should I try to be with girls I'm not attracted to, and hope there's a spark?


Most Helpful Guy

  • My best advice is to keep on trying to pursue ones your actually interested in, but it is a good idea to know what your looking for in a girl it makes you seem more solid when girls ask you why your interested in them I know the feeling all too well the best thing you can do is press on, but I also would take a look at those interested in you who knows you may be suprised and find someone your interested in that you may have glossed over pursuing another Nicole they may not give you butterflies but you can be comfortable and happy and the right girl will always make your self-esteem go up because you know the women likes you for you.


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  • i feel like you, i haven't had a gf yet either but i believe i could have had one a long time ago if i lowered my standards