Her family sucks... But is it fair to her for us to date?

Dated this girl for over a year, her parents meddled completely. Didn't like me despite all the nice stuff I did even for them.

I broke it off 4 months ago and she came back saying she's changed due to counseling and hasn't stopped loving me.

She wants a guy her parents accept, yet she struggles with the reality that she'll never find a guy to make her and her parents happy.

The counselor has taught her to create space between her and her family, and tell them when they're "trespassing", but not boundaries. But I think she doesn't want boundaries from her parents, so is it fair to her for me to date her?

  • It's her choice, not mine
    Vote A
  • Just see how things go
    Vote B
  • You're beating a dead horse, man
    Vote C
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They didn't like me because they're controlling, even their 28-y-o doctor daughter


Most Helpful Girl

  • Although she has gone for counseling, still has these feelings of so called "Love" for you Yet in her heart, bottom line is, no matter Who, no matter What-----She'll never find a guy to make her and her parents happy.
    It's an open and shut case with "Mommy and Daddy Dearest" comes First. And if she dares to cross the boundaries of That baby bond, it will break the bough that would cause her cradle to fall and she will not Stand for That.
    I married a Muslim out in Egypt. And living there for awhile as I did, I found out fast enough that a wife is secondary and that with "Meet the parents" I met my match, for They superseded me in every way.
    If she loves you, wanting this relationship to start up again, she should make you both two birds of a feather. However, I see her swimming in the same old pond with her other two fine feather friends, Donald and Daffy Duck, causing Again-----For you to break it off and This to just go dead in the water.
    It's a dead horse, NuclearB., Nothing will change, it only get worse. Her parents won't change their minds about you, there will be More 'Meddling' and minding the store and even if you would walk down the aisle someday, it's More of the meeting of the minds and a Family Affair, especially if there is a bun in the oven.
    It's your choice, your call. In 4 months time, you have gotten your life together and kept it 'Together' like glue. Why fix what doesn't have to be broken, only to go back to the same old redrick and Drama Queen routine? She loves Only Them unconditionally and anyone who crosses her path And Theirs, it will only end up down a beaten path of War of the Roses. You will be put on a back burner, while they stay on top, in front, a Top priority and anyone else is just put on her pay no mind list, no mater What Quack tries to 'Disagree with me.'
    Good luck. xx

    • What future does she hold then? She wants a strong, manly type... But I don't know if one exists that's willing to be a doormat for her parents? The guys they have liked, she hid the truth from them, like cheating for 3 years

    • Show All
    • I told her tonight... "If you learn anything from me, I want you to believe and accept that your dad does not have a back bone. If your mom acts up, tell her that. If you dad complains, bring it up. The word backbone is important, no need to water it down"

      Well see how it works

    • You told her your own mouthful but I do believe it will probably go in one ear and out the other. xx

Have an opinion?

What Girls Said 1

  • It's none of her fault. Relationships with parents are hard. They can affect their child's opinion easily. If you love her- date her. Don't force her to change her relationship with parents. Let her decide it by herself.


What Guys Said 2

  • If you want to you can. She's asking you to.

    Now, why would you want to?

    You've talked to her about how a dog can't have two masters, right? You just end up with a confused dog, who obeys nobody (well, maybe bad example - so don't use that, but you get my drift, yeah?). A man with two masters pleases neither, is another quote.

    So, who is she more interested in pleasing? Her parents, or in having a working LTR?

    If you're down for the sex, or whatever, and don't care about the relationship - then tell her it's all good. If you want something better, tell her she needs to figure out what's most important, and how to draw boundaries, and do what's needed / most important.

    In reality, she's going to spend a good decade or 4 without her parents. Whether or not she has a husband and family during that time is up to what she gets down *now*, and she needs to confront her parents about whether they have her long-term best interests at heart, or are unreasonable.

    Which is going to be a tough conversation to have. But it's the rest of her life she's gambling. And your (perhaps) love for her - and her love for you.

    • She sees what's in store for her with her sister. The bro-in-law comes around for holidays, and basically takes his resentment out for her lacking as a wife, (she spends a lot of her dad with the kids and the grandma,) by lacking as a father (he doesn't help much)

  • don't give a shit about her family