If a guy tells you he's not looking for a relationship?

So you meet a guy and you're attracted to him, you two talk, get to know one another, go on a few dates, and eventually have sex. The conversation comes up and he tells you honestly that his intentions weren't to get involved in anything serious, he admits that he has a lot of fun with you, but prefers it to stay the way it is. His intentions weren't to hurt you at all, or use you, but if anything he just went with the fact that the attraction was mutual, and didn't want to act like he wasn't interested. How do you usually feel when this happens? Do you respect the fact he was honest and continue to just have fun wit him? Or do you feel used and that he's just player and consider him a "bad guy"? Views from homosexual men welcome too :)

  • I respect the honesty and keep the way it is
    Vote A
  • I consider him just being player and that he's using me
    Vote B
  • See results
    Vote C
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Most Helpful Girl

  • well first of all, that's the type of conversation you have BEFORE having sex. if I am gonna lay down with you I want something more concrete before we even have sex. but if not, and we are just kicking it, then honestly I would not have even given you my number. if its a hookup then I don't even hang out with the guy. you won't get my real name (just a nickname) and you won't have my number, ill call you from a blocked number when its time to get down. I know that may sound extreme, but its how you protect yourself from catching feelings and getting played

    my issue is, there are 2 sides to every story. usually if the girl likes the guy and is looking for something serious she throws a lot of hints and signs that the guy chooses to overlook and downplay. so you have to be honest with yourself and really ask yourself if you had no idea this girl had feelings. most of the time when a guy is looking for NSA sex he has to be a bit of a jerk to even get it in the first place. its not like u had no idea the girl liked you and would want more, you just went with it and then told her how you felt. but had you been upfront and told her BEFORE you began your sexual relationship, she would have had more of an option to walk away. so my question is if you guys talked so much and got to know each other, why didn't you reveal that you weren't looking for a relationship before having sex? my guess is that if you had done that, you would have probably diminished your chances of sleeping with this girl, so you chose not to say anything until she explicitly brought it up after sex


Have an opinion?

What Girls Said 5

  • Intentions should be made clear BEFORE trying to get into bed with a girl, not post factum.

    Sorry, I have no respect for a guy, who's "honest" after he got exactly what he wanted. That's not honesty, that's deceit in its purest form.

    Hookups are fine as long as it's mutually agreed. What you described here is "oooooh, she's fine, better get some", then tell her you're not looking for a relationship after sexy times are over. How convenient.

    I've had guys approach me and were upfront about their intentions. I politely declined.
    THAT'S how you do it right.

    But you wouldn't do that, would you? Nope, because your chances of getting laid would significantly drop.

  • My guy friend told me personally that "not looking for a relationship" is guy code for booty call...

  • you should have said that BEFORE you slept with her, player

  • He was either just trying to get in your knickers and saw buttering you up with dates and being nice the way to do it.
    Or it is possible he was getting to know you as girlfriend material and decided your not quite what he is after.

    Regardless, he has already been honest and said he doesn't want a relationship.
    If you are comfortable with just sex and the feeling is mutual, great have fun.

    But if you like him or start too beware you don't hurt yourself. If he doesn't want a girlfriend you won't change his mind. He may even sleep with other people the same time as you or all of a sudden stop wanting to see you as he has met someone he wants to date seriously or get a girlfriend who he does want a relationship with.

    NSA is possible but it's all too easy to get attached in some way.

  • He should have said something before sex.


What Guys Said 2

  • Straight guy giving an opinion, because this is something every guy should learn how to do properly.

    I can see how you would *think* the guy is being honest here. But he isn't (at best, a bit clueless, at worst, dishonest). The girl should be told "I'm not looking for anything serious" BEFORE sex occurs (ideally, date one), that way she isn't being given false expectations/hopes. More women are open to this than guys realize.

    By telling her upfront, the guy would be *actually* honest, and gives her a chance to make an entirely informed choice. Not telling her until later is why many women get upset--they feel used. This is about managing/respecting feelings and expectations.

    What if you tell a girl "I'm not looking for anything serious" but then want a relationship? Well, then just start behaving like it's a relationship after the fact--if she likes you, she'll have gotten more than she originally bargained for, whereas the other scenario she comes out with less.

  • It's sad how many girls will consider him a player, when he was honest and didn't lead them on.