Is it normal to fight in a relationship?

Recently I've been having fights with my bf but we didn't fully make up, or solve it, we just try to forget about it. We started dating 6 months ago but he seems to get offended when I don't agree with him... and this has happenes 4 times, 3 of them in the past month.
My friend said that fights would eventually happen. But when I asked a q here someone said that if we fight we're not meant to be together. What's your view and please tell me your experiences and how it was solved.


Most Helpful Girl

  • People seem to have this retarded notion that fighting in a relationship is normal.

    It's not. Just because certain couples do it often, doesn't mean it's the norm - it means these people suck at being a couple: different opinions, lack of communication, attitude issues and so on.

    Having a disagreement here and there is fine. You can fight with a friend too or you argue with your family members.

    The key difference is how often. If you end up in +3 major fights per month, your relationship is shit. Sorry to break this to you, but if you argue so often, you two are clearly not compatible as people.

    I can count on one hand how many fights me and my boyfriend have had over the last 3 years.

    To avoid fighting BOTH people need to address the issue. If he gets easily offended, you can avoid fights by never questioning him about anything - but will that make you happy to never ever be able to speak your mind?
    He needs to realise that the problem is with both of you and that way you can try discussing how to compromise in disagreeing situations.

    If he chooses to blame everything on you and says only you need to change, I'm afraid your relationship is indeed doomed.

    I don't know you, though. Maybe YOU'RE the the main instigator of said fights and don't even realize it. But either way BOTH of you need to be open minded and evaluate the constructive criticism from each other instead of turning to a defensive position.

    Let him tell you what he dislikes and take it in to reflect on yourself and see, if what he says is true. Don't view his criticism as an attack on your character, but as a means to improve yourself.
    And give versa, tell him in a calm way what is bothering you, but don't go off on a tangent. It needs to be a discussion of compromise, not a game of pointing fingers.

    If this doesn't work, time to look for another relationship.

    • Show All
    • @SandPlanet

      And as OP mentioned, the guy just ignores the problem rather than properly make up. That is very bad practice - both of them will build up the anger, then explode like a nuclear bomb.

    • Yes, swallowing everything for the sake of avoiding conflict is the opposite extreme and just as harmful to the relationship as constant fighting.

Have an opinion?

What Guys Said 4

  • The question isn't really whether you'll have disagreements - sure you will. Sometimes even about whether you want pizza or kebab. The question is how you resolve the quarrel. Do you discuss the issue and find a solution, or do you call each other bitches and cocksuckers and not get anywhere?

    • I try to discuss it with him but he wants to avoid or forget it and talk about happier things. We don't insult each other or try to hurt each other.

    • Not the best alternative, not the worst alternative. Still, if it's frequent, that is a problem. Glad to hear you guys aren't calling each other names, though. That would be an indicator of pretty bad things.

  • if you fight why are you staying together?

    • I'm still new to this and I like his personality. I don't want to give up.

  • Fighting happens in all relationships its the ability to pass them and move on with each other learning from it that makes it a relationship.

    • Oh I see. I'm finding it difficult with this guy as we both believe that we ourself is right. My friend said that he has self esteem issues and he thinks that I am putting him down so he becomes defensive. I'm not sure what to do about this

    • use cold hard logic for the big issues and let him win some of the smaller stuff sometimes.

      Pick and choose your battles.

    • Oh okay. Thank you for your advice. I'm not like keeping it against him or always bringing it up. But he says that he's scared of me and it feels that he's avoiding me now.

  • Having fights is a normal part of relationships.

    • Ah I see. Thank you. Have you had fights before? I'd like to know how people have solved them.

What Girls Said 2

  • i think its abnormal not to fight in a relationship. they only make the love stronger if the couple can get through it.

    lets put it this way. say u hav an exam. you can only answer all the easy questions, but half the exam is hard questions. so say u only get 50%

    if i apply this to a relationship, which u want to be at 100%, not getting into fights doesn't prove its full potential with regards to sacrifice, respect, loyalty and commitment.

    • I see. Thank you for your answer. We don't really solve our fights but I think he is trying to forget or not think about it. I hope it doesn't cause problems later...

    • i think u should hun. a lot of men r like that. they hate confrontation, but until he learns to realise that some things just need to be sorted out, it will continue like this... and possibly spiral out of control=/

    • Oh... My friends said that I should talk about it with him. We were able to talk normally today. I'm not sure if it was a fight but more like an argument or disagreement but we both ended up in tears... they were things like how I didn't like certain things he does but it seems like I'm trying to change him.

  • I probably sound like a broken record to some people because I've said this a few times, but it doesn't matter THAT you fight. It matters HOW you fight. Do you get into screaming matches or call each other names? It's a little concerning that you can't resolve the issue and since you've had 3 fights in the last month it sounds like whatever that issue is better get worked out soon.

    • All of them were over the phone as we can only see each other on the weekend and he lives far. We sort of raised our voices but we weren't screaming or calling names. We weren't trying to hurt each other. It might've been more like an argument but it made us feel upset and unsure of each other. Most of them started about how I wanted him or the things he did to change. I didn't like how our dates were repetative or how he was often bragging or doing other things. Then he got offended.

    • Thank you for your opinion

Loading... ;