Why do some guys not let you know if they can't see you instead of leaving you hanging?

I met this guy online and we have been seeing each other since late July. He said to me that he wants me to be his gf someday and that he really likes me. Most of the time he seems interested in hanging out and spending time together. At this point we are still not official. Things have been progressing slowly. He's kinda shy (it took us 4 dates before we held hands!).

He says he looks forward to seeing me each weekend and that it's the best part of his week.

He's been working on renovating his house for a while now. And it's definitely a lot of work. Everyday he works away at it.

We had been talking about when we would see each other this weekend, and I asked him what his weekend looked like. He said that he was free all weekend. So I asked him if Saturday worked for him. No response.

The next day I initiated the conversation, and asked him how his day was, etc... Then I asked him again. No response.

Saturday rolls around, I am busy working around the house myself. I see how he is doing, ask him how his day is. He responds, so I then ask him if tonight still works for him. No response.

I finally hear from him 5 hours later. He said "Sorry, I lost my phone." So I say, no worries and then ask him if tonight still works.

No response.

I understand sometimes people get busy. But this is not the first time this has happened. I get that sometimes people are too busy working away at things and guys aren't really into texting.

But is it really that hard to send a quick response saying they are busy and can't make it. Or even say next weekend or something?

It just confuses me because he shows signs of interest, but then doesn't respond to my texts.

I know I'm probably over analyzing this. But I try to be an understanding person. And I have been taken advantage of too may times.

Thanks for your help!!


Most Helpful Girl

  • Hello Hunnie,

    Unfortunately with online dating and dating in general some people "keep there options open" maybe he's not indicating it to you as he's keeping you as an option "playing the feild" .. "trying the cheese platter"
    im surprised he has not leaned in for a kiss as of yet after four dates. Usually as humans to actually obtain the more than friends feelings towards one another we need to have a kiss now and again.
    Sometimes there's always a rational answer to why men don't answer calls, texts, or even arrange dates. But your dates are not progressing i wonder maybe if he's trying to tell you its not working?

    Maybe if he's not such a coward you could get him to talk? if not then im afraid its time to move on to the next

    Good Luck


    • We've actually been seeing each other since Late July. We have kissed and make out on our dates. He also cuddle, and tease each other. We haven't had sex yet. But we're building up to that. We usually see each other on the weekends. He has made plans to see me before. But sometimes he just doesn't. But I definitely initiate most of the conversations.

    • Well he doesn't find you interesting enough. you need to stop making the conversations all together. If he never speaks then he didn't want you

Have an opinion?

What Guys Said 3

  • Girls do it waaaaayyyyy more and they could care less how a guy feels about it. Girls are way too flakey these days.

    • It seems that it's both sides. I've experienced this with pretty much any guy I talk to. People in general are flakey it seems. Even outside of relationships, friends, family, everyone flakes.

    • I can't stand it. At least let me know you don't want to talk or aren't interested

    • I agree with you completely. Sure some people will confront you back and be mad and perhaps say some not so nice things. But when it comes down to it, at least they were honest and respected you enough to stop wasting your time. By not saying anything, it only drags on the inevitable. I'd have more respect for someone who was honest, than someone who just basically left me hanging with no explaination.

  • its unfair to you, but sometimes it dosnt hurt to treat people like assets. why burn bridges when someone can be useful to u at some point.

  • Most of the time, people talk a good game, when meeting online but, when it comes down to it, they're scared shitless, and run... drop him


What Girls Said 3

  • From all the things he said to you I would have done exactly the way you did.. Playing the text game is annoying and needs to be avoided all together. You most certainly should not be the one initiating all the texts. You are a lady of value! You've both said you like your time together. So this part should be a breeze. He is making it utterly complicated and so that's not attractive.. You did the right thing is trying to make plans but from here it's on him. He is a grown man and has all 10 fingers to send a text. It will feel like "no i can just text him, just to say hey" no big deal! Yes it is! That is how you show your worth. You aren't going to be the only one making contact, making plans and such. That doesn't make you feel good. And you should! You seem like such a lovely girl that knows their value and worth. Do not settle for a man that doesn't recognize those qualities in you. It's not a guessing game what you need and want from a person is pretty straight forward. If not sit him down and tell him what you need for yourself to happen (hear from you via text, having an idea of plans because otherwise you won't know where his head is at." For you: Do not accept a date until example: Wednesday-Thursday morning =plans for Saturday. So Really if he hasn't asked you our 2 days before then your busy. You can be busy watching old movies or whatever because he waited to ask and a women of value and worth doesn't wait around to make plans on his clock, it's on yours! This isn't a way to be mean or anything negative. I think if you take a step back-see if he initiates text (if he hasn't in 5 days) DONE but let's say he did and you guys have been texting and it's all great but he hadn't made plans with you but then he texts you on Friday night or even worse the day of Saturday to make those plans. Well you are busy. He needs to recognize that you are a lady of value and worth and you aren't going to wait around for him. He will be shocked! So as hard as it will be to recline which it will. You tell him your busy, he doesn't need to know your plans. You show him what your worth and it isn't waiting around for him or for anyone. You should be treated with respect and it will be easy when you respect yourself too. He will get the hint and if he hasn't and it's been a while. Ask him to talk and let him know what you need to happen so you guys can continue dating and be on the same page! Let me know what happens :)

  • He's playing you. He uses the excuse of renovating his house to fill up his time (and I am sure he is doing that for part of the time but not all of the time). A man will commit to making plans with the woman he wants to see. In my experience if a man hasn't made firm plans with for the weekend by the latest Wednesday (he will get his request in early in the week to ensure that nobody else will get the op to take you out) then forget it. You are doing all the work here and he just responds or doesn't as the case may be. I am sorry to be so blunt but you are his backup in case no other girl is available. When you are asking about seeing him at weekends you get no response because he doesn't want to say no in case you say, fine, that's it. He needs you there as a safety net. I am sorry.

    • He usually responds. Its only sometimes he doesn't respond, so that's why I am confused.

    • Yeah I get that but he is not making plans with you. Making plans shows that he is thinking of the future. He is thinking, what can I do with my girl tonight/this week. He is not responding on occasion when you ask him about making plans. I am really sorry but I still think he is playing you.

  • Ignore him for a while since it seems like he's doing the same thing. I've been through that shit, too.