Has anybody become so hurt or so sad that they lose the desire to date?

I am sure millions experience this and I never thought I would. After 2-3 years of endlessly searching for a boyfriend, falling for guys who never liked me back, and being rejected I just gave up when I met a person who I really liked and they just left me, ditched me, and hurt me. I think it was the "last straw," of course here and there I see nice guys in public who are cute and may try to speak to me (?) not really for a pick up and it makes me want to find somebody again but sometimes I am just so hurt and it just seems like nobody's worthy of my love... that I just gave up.

Sometimes I feel like a deep sadness in my heart but luckily I've been distracting myself and kind of keeping myself busy that I don't seem to notice but its there :(. Does anybody else feel this way?


Most Helpful Guy

  • lol this is like, everybody. You are in good company, trust me. It's a perfectly natural feeling and it can and will pass. I feel for you, and I'd try to comfort you if I could. But it's something you have to work out on your own. If it becomes something you want to work out with someone else, then you're getting over it.

    One thing to consider is why you are searching for this boyfriend. Take some time to reflect on what you're after, why you want it, and what it looks like when you get it. Use this time in your life wisely, and when it passes you'll be better for it.


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What Guys Said 6

  • I felt like this after the second time I was cheated on by a gf. I just kind of had that feeling of hopelessness in finding a girl who would be true, honest, etc. so I basically swore of dating girls. I had a friends with benefits situation during that time but wanted nothing to do with a relationship. I got past this but I remember specifically feeling like I had no desire to be in a relationship with a girl because I didn't think they could be trusted

    • What got you past it, just time?

    • yeah. time tends to heal all wounds and that was certainly the case. getting over things, realizing that it's silly to project the behavior of a few on to an entire gender, etc

  • I don't really feel a "giving up" personally but I do end up taking really long breaks or trying new aspects of it. Lately over the past 2 year so years I ended up just hooking up with no desire to date and honestly loved it tons more than dating itself. With dating I just kept meeting train wrecks who are looking for god knows what. Plus when I'd read the dating profiles it was clear the girls were looking for things that wouldn't make them happy and were into playing games.

    I have been considering dating again but without the online part of it but am taking my time with it.

  • Yeah, I feel you. I've had two passionate relationships that both ended in disaster and I'm just... hesitant to date again.

    I spend most of my time listening to rap, writing, walking, working out or learning new skills. I'd like to earn more money and travel/move on to bigger prospects, but I know it'll come along eventually.

    Honestly, when you look at all the people in relationships... some of them are REALLY unhappy. I think it's just because people are afraid to be alone. And? GIRLFRIENDS ARE EXPENSIVE.

    I don't care what anyone says, to be in a relationship and participate in even 12% of society, you need a $20 bill every once and a while to go to the movies or something. I'm all for love and no money, but I can't ignore reality.

    Take a lesson from little B and STAY BASED until then!

    In an interview with Complex, little B was asked what “based” meant.

    “Based means being yourself. Not being scared of what people think about you. Not being afraid to do what you wanna do. Being positive. When I was younger, based was a negative term that meant like dopehead, or basehead. People used to make fun of me. They was like, ‘You’re based.’ They’d use it as a negative. And what I did was turn that negative into a positive. I started embracing it like, ‘Yeah, I’m based.’ I made it mine. I embedded it in my head. Based is positive.”

    • God dammit GaG always does this. His name is L i L B but it always corrects it to "little"

  • Yes. Sometimes I feel everything is pointless and I'm just going through the motions. The thrill of meeting someone new, getting to know them, the first kiss... so far that makes it worth it not to give up. I've been ditched and dumped and all sorts of shit but I enjoy having a smexy companion too much to give up forever.

    I'm not always the best at finding one, though, and tend to just keep myself busy and occupied while alone and contemplating.

  • i don't have any desire about dating... but me hurt or sad? hahah never

  • Yes. Lots of people do, myself included. I've come to terms with being alone. I don't get female attention, though, so I don't really get the urge to attempt dating again.


What Girls Said 4

  • Very sorry about that.
    I think the key is to never give up, never.
    I refuse to be defeated at anything.
    Lose a few battles sure, but the war is mine at the end.
    Trust me finding the right guy can seem like a war.

    I promise to think of you tonight. So will my boyfriend.
    We're that way.

  • Yes after being hurt by so many men you kind of wonder what is the point? Also, I think it's bias for some people to tell you to never give up. Everyone deserves time to themselves to discover what they want. When I was heart broken for a long time men and even some women couldn't understand that I didn't hate men and find them repulsive. I could still look at a man and find him aesthetically appeasing but that does not mean that I wanted to pursue dating

    Also I think it's awful that people assume that just because a girl chooses to take a break from men that she's automatically a lesbian

    Not ever girl wants to fuck every guy they see like most men do

  • I'm so sorry you're going through this!

    I, too, have basically reached the end of desire.
    Not the end of my desire for men or sex, but the end of my desire for taking the risk of letting someone "in". I've been burned a lot and it's getting harder and harder to feel that the risk is worth it. I keep trying to find the logic in it; why did this happen, what caused it, is it me, is it them, etc. Honestly, I don't really know anymore.
    I have a very hard time trusting people. I don't keep THAT a secret and I think some people just get tired of trying to "break down the walls", which is understandable.
    Other times, I'm like a conquest to them. "Oooh, there's a girl who never trusts anyone. I must make her trust me!" And they push and push and push their way in, and when I finally feel safe, they vanish. That's happened several times, even recently. It's almost like a self-fulfilling prophecy where the more I think people are untrustworthy, the more untrustworthy people get. Or the more I think people are untrustworthy, the more those untrustworthy people try to "get in" with me.
    I'm honest about my reluctance and that in itself has destroyed relationships, or budding relationships.
    The fact remains, the same people claiming to be "different" are always the same, they end up doing EXACTLY what they said they'd never do, what they knew I'd already been through before.
    That kind of maliciousness is just exhausting and I'm tired of crawling through mud, trying to reach some imaginary goal that is only in my head.
    I'm at a point where I feel paranoid, nervous, and skeptical when someone is nice to me, thinking something dark is just around the corner, betrayal is but a minute away.

    I don't know when or if I'll crawl my way out of this abyss, but I'm REALLY hoping that you do!
    I think it's important that we take responsibility for what's ours and NOT take responsibility for what's not.
    Don't let others decide your value!

    • Some very good, heartfelt advice. =-)

    • Show All
    • Dang, I feel like I just read a confessional essay. I suppose I did. Very nice.

    • Thanks @JackKerouac77

  • Of course. I have. I'm exactly the same as you. Almost 3 years and been played with my emotions none stop.
    I hate when they lead you on then they basically tell you "Oops! Never mind! I'm not into you."

    It takes a lot of will power to shake it off and continue with life hoping you'll meet a new guy who will just end this curse of bad heartbreaks. Guess what? You do! Oh! He's so perfect and charming... then BAM! Gone. Leaves with no sign or just "I'm not ready for a relationship" or "I'm too busy" and what ever pathetic excuse.
    If you're like me, all you want to do is press that pillow on your face and scream your lungs out. No, not because he broke your heart, but because you were foolish enough to believe in his BS Love.

    Love and life isn't easy. I know that.
    And you may roll your eyes at what I'm about to say, but stop searching for love.
    We get so overwhelmed with what we want and what we need, and even though we got fooled may times, we still expected them to be different. We have all these expections and we don't even know their favorite color (the basic things about them)

    Just take a breather. Reanalyze and reorganize your life. It's not about them. It's about you. Are you ready for a relationship? Do you have what it takes to make one last? But mostly, WHY do you want a relationship? Do you just want someone to fill your emptiness? Then just get a pet if that's the case.
    A guy isn't going to solve all your problems.
    Maybe it's not your time. Maybe this should be a learning a experience. To put your foot down when someone is trying to use you. To make you have self respect and self loving instead of making yourself a doormat cause you're desperate for a guy's attention.
    Until a guy sees how you value yourself, he'll start valuing you.
    Would you like that or would you like to be viewed as a clingy, needy, desperate-to-have-a-bf girl?
    Use this time for yourself to improve every aspect of your life. Relationship can wait.