Why can't I get a gf? What am I doing wrong?

For my whole life I have struggled to get a gf, and I just don't know what i'm doing wrong. I'm black, 5"9, very well built, good looking good dress sense, nice personality and British living in america. I've been told these are all great features for a guy to have, but I've still struggled to get a gf. I've never even hugged/kissed a girl never mind talking to one.

For those of you who will reply that i'm not outgoing, there's a reason. The last 7 times I thought I had a chance I was rejected from all of them. Originally I thought maybe it was because I was black, or ugly. But when I see some of the ugliest kids with pimples all over their face, getting the prettiest girls without even trying, it just makes me feel like a failure. I know there aren't a lot of Black people in my school, but even they have had no trouble dating.

Can someone please explain what i'm doing wrong? My feelings are mixed with anger, sadness and confusion at this point.


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What Girls Said 1

  • Confidence is everything. Maybe the guys you see getting girls are more confident than you--which means they are better at "selling" themselves to people. You have to work on getting your confidence up and trying to meet the right kind of girl for you which maybe is not in the same setting you are in now. Other clubs or organizations or different places where you can be yourself more.


What Guys Said 1

  • Simply put, you have to lose this hurt. You wear this hurt like a cloak. Women see it as clearly and plainly as day.

    Most women want a strong man who lets stuff slide off of his back. Most women need an anchor in their lives. If a man is easily offended or internalizes all of his pain, she knows he is closed off to her.

    Yeah, I know, it sucks. I know, because I was extremely sensitive. I wore my heart on my sleeve (Open, vulnerable).

    But I toughened up and got over it. The truth is with your British accent, if you get tough, if you brush off your pain, and you get confidence, you WILL get a woman.

    Now, listen to your instincts. Every woman you see will give you a reaction in your gut. Learn to ignore your little head, and your big head, and sometimes even your heart, but listen to your instincts. They are never wrong about a woman, ever.

    Praying and asking God for help does not hurt, either. I would counsel you to practice abstinence in your relationship, because sex will corrupt your ability to see her as she actually is.

    • Thanks for the advice, really appreciate it!

      Just to add onto the last part, I have been constantly praying to God for the past 3 years. I read the bible and I know the principles on sex before marriage, and do not plan on doing any of that. No matter how much I pray and try to show him i'm worthy of being given a chance, I still fall into the same situation :/

      But ur advice really helped, thanks!

    • You are very welcome my friend! Keep your head up, keep going. You WILL have a break through! Do not let fear govern your life, instead push through it. Even if you make the wrong decision, sometimes it's much better than doing nothing and continuing to be alone.