Should I ask her out? Should I just back off for a while and get over her? I'm so confused! What should I do?

So I told my crush I liked her, she said she thought about it and she really wanted us to date, but I am her only best friend, and she has trust issues. She apologized but I explained I understand. for the past few months we have hung out more and more. Honestly its hard for me to get over her when we are so close, and it tortures me. she doesn't know this either. We flirt a lot, sometimes when I get tipsy on the weekend I say some corny flirty stuff on the phone and she laughs. Its gotten to the point where iv met most of her family and they know me by now, and in my opinion its getting kinda weird for me, being the only person she hangs out with were not dating and her family trust me. My mother thinks were dating. rumors in school going around saying we are dating, and the rumors hurt me a little because I really want to have at least a chance with her, but I feel like nothing is sparking.. Honestly its been a very long time since the last time I dated, and the reason im so stuck on her is because she is so unique, and so down to earth. Iv been cheated on so many times, that its been hard for me to trust someone again, but I trust her and i'm I am so willing to have a nice relation ship with her. Sadly she only wants to be best friends (like I mentioned before) because the last thing she wants is to lose me forever in general (as a friend or boyfriend). I was contemplating what I should at first my first intention was I should tell her about the rumors and how I feel about whats going on and let her know the true magnitude of how much I actually like her, and my other friends said If I really wanted her that bad I would tell her how I truly feel for her and just go in for a kiss. Honestly I wasn't comfortable kissing her without her consent I don't know how she would react. What should I do? whats my best option? All or nothing? or should I just back out for a while get over her and continue being her "Best friend". Thanks in advance


Most Helpful Guy

  • Ok buddy. Here's my advice.

    First off, for your age and experience, you've handled yourself pretty well in most respects. But you are torturing yourself unnecessarily. She very well may be a great girl who is unique--but there are many other girls who are also great and who are also unique. You need to start thinking about other girls. Not the advice you want, I know, but right now, your friend needs you as a friend, not a boyfriend, and you need to get emotionally healthy again. And you are both very young--even if you date, it is very unlikely to be forever. Date other girls for a while, and just continue being her friend.

    But I have some additional advice. Clearly, your emotions for her are very strong. So I suggest you tell her the following: That you really value her friendship and want to continue being friends, but that you still have some feelings for her. That you need just a little breathing room for a bit, to spend less time with each other, just until your emotions are a little calmer, and then you can pick things back up. She may actually decide she doesn't want you to stop being around and date you (this is VERY unlikely--don't get your hopes up), but more likely, she will be very understanding and appreciative of how you are trying to handle yourself.

    But you won't heal if you don't try to date other girls--you'll keep having feelings for her. Who knows, maybe she'll help you find a girlfriend.

    Remember, your feelings are what you have to take care of right now. It is very unlikely she will date you, and I don't think asking her again will get you a yes. I think what I suggested will be the best option for you given the fact you are still in school and given the situation you described.

    Whatever you decide, best of luck ;)

    • You literally just told me what I was going to do 2 weeks ago.. I told her that I needed to talk to her, but when the next day came and she asked about it I couldn't help but remembering what she said "The last thing I want is to lose you forever." Without me she literally has nobody else to be with in the time being. I feel like the guilt alone would eat me alive.. is this a selfish decision? or is this by all means fair? By the way I just found out she used me as a cover up to sneak out this whole weekend.. I don't know if this is a normal thing or not... but uh I don't like feeling used like this, especially since her mom has trust in me..

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What Girls Said 2

  • ScruffyNerfHerder gave you excellent advice. I hear about "trust issues" all the time. I am NOT saying that it's isn't real by any means, but I will tell you this. You will be hard pressed to find anybody (of dating age, and has dated) that hasn't or will be at some point done wrong and will shake the trust of the opposite sex. Though some will tear your heart out, don't let it pull you down to where you give up on dating all together. We learn from our mistakes and over time you get better at spotting bullshit before you step in it. You (and most) will go through a lot or several people before you find the one that's right for you... and you will. I hope things work out for you. :)

  • if she wants space let her be for a while then if you feel she's forgotten bring it up again she might have a change of heart<3


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