My friends with benefits likes me as a potential gf or as a friend?

My friend with benefits is my good friend. We're in more "gf/bf without label relationship than FWB. But before everything started (1,5 months ago) he said he doesn't want relationship. We got much closer to each other since then. This is what he said:

"You can take care of people around you in a way 98% won't be able to. I value your aspiration to do something kind to a person, cheer up or help to sort out something. i like it. and it's not only about me."

Does he like me as a girl or as a friend?

*He said it yesterday


Most Helpful Guy

  • When a guy says "I don't want a relationship", BELIEVE IT. Sure, he may recognize that you're an awesome person, and he may enjoy is friendship with you, and of course having sex with you, but that doesn't necessarily mean he wants the obligations and expectations of a relationship - that changes the whole dynamic, and many guys don't want that, especially when they're already getting everything they want.

    Most girls (and some guys) simply can't handle a friends with benefits relationship without getting attached. Not their fault - it's biology, but girls need to understand that most guys do NOT get attached the same way girls do - guys generally either fall for a girl immediately (i. e., as soon as they get to know her) or not at all - it's rare for a guy to know a girl for a while and only after a while fall for her.

    If you want a relationship with a guy, you need to ACT like you want a relationship from Day 1, and that includes not having sex until you GET the relationship and have been in it a little while. Now, you've given away any leverage you might have had to make him want a relationship.

    Sure, you might get REALLY lucky, and he might be the rare exception who is okay with changing a friends with benefits into an official relationship, but the odds are very much against that.

    In the future, when a guy says "I'm not looking for a relationship", understand he's telling you "we can have sex, and I might even be your friend and hang out and stuff, but don't EVER expect a relationship with me." And if you can't handle that situation, then move on and find a guy who is looking for a relationship. In most cases, you can't have it both ways.

    • Thank you for such useful advise. I really needed someone to say these things. We talked today and he indeed does not expect any relationship in the future. He said he wants to be good friends and that's the most important to him, the rest (sex) is not as important. He's a very "fucked up" person. Very closed to other people, not very emotional, has a low self- esteem, was seriously heartbroken before. I'm on the other hand very open, friendly and helpful.
      I still don't think it's very fair of him to give me signs of attraction and behave like my bf (not in public). I only had 1 bf in my life and there are not many options now. 99% of guys only want sex from me. I do nothing with them, and I'm okay with this kind of attitude to me. But now and then comes a moment when I need someone to love me. And when I see that no one wants to date me, I feel miserable.

    • "99% of guys only want sex from me."

      While I'd guess the real number was more like 90-95%, all that means is that you are exactly like every other attractive girl your age, because most guys your age are in Party Mode and don't want relationships, but they all want sex. And, unlike women, guys don't need an emotional connection to want or enjoy sex.

      If I put you in a room with 100 guys, you'd be interested in a relationship with maybe 3-6 of them, and that's roughly the same if I put a guy in a room with 100 girls (assuming everyone was age-appropriate). But girls only want sex with those 3-6 guys (and maybe not even every one of them), plus perhaps one or two really hot guys who they don't want a relationship with. Where guys are different is that they want sex with every girl they find attractive, which is 50-60 of those girls. That means of the girls they want to bang, only 10% at most ever had a chance at a relationship with them.

    • Most girls either do not understand this concept or are in denial about it - they assume that guys work just like they do, meaning they want a relationship just as much or more as they want sex, and that they'd only want sex from girls they'd want to be in a relationship with. That completely incorrect thinking leads to a lot of bad assumptions and bad decisions on the part of girls.

      Guys are simple to figure out and think and work mostly the same, but too many girls refuse to accept both how simple guys are, and that they think and feel and act so much differently than girls do - they convince themselves that guys MUST think and work like girls do, and that leads to SO much FAIL...

Have an opinion?

What Guys Said 1

  • friends with benefits degrades your value, people do that to dee if can find something better in the mean time the friend fills the void... just find someone that truly wants to be with you


What Girls Said 3

  • He was complimenting your personality. Guys are much more straightforward than women, or at least tend to be, so he probably would have outright said it.

  • In his eyes y'all are good friends, but sounds like you want more. Be careful, this a main reason many get hurt. But I learned when a guy say there not ready for a relationship believe them.

  • I think he's just saying you're a kind person.