We had sex, and now I have a sinking feeling in my stomach that I may have been played. Have I been played?

I met a guy at an event. He approached me, talked to me, got my number, and I gave it to him because he was cute. He texted me every day. First date was a day date with a museum tour, lunch, and drinks with a couple of his friends. Second date, we went clubbing with his friends. Third date was dinner, drinks, then we went back to his place and had sex. The following morning, he was just obviously feeling awkward. I mean, don't get me wrong. He wasn't rude. He was a perfect gentleman - got me breakfast and drove me home. He wasn't even cold or anything like that. But there was no cuddling, no holding me, no sweet nothings. Our conversation the morning after was like a conversation between 2 buddies hanging out. There was no talk of us or what happened the night before. There were two instances when it looked like he was about to hold me, at one point his arms started wrapping around my waist, but then he pulled back.

He did text me asking how I was a few hours after he dropped me off. That was on Saturday. I didn't hear from him on Sunday. It could be premature, and I could be overreacting, but post-first-time sex, I and most women are in a really vulnerable state. So now I'm thinking, was I played and just used for sex?

I can handle it if that's the case. I'm an adult, too old for this actually, and my self-esteem is intact enough that I can recover from this pretty quickly. But it would still sting if it turned out that was all he was after.


Most Helpful Guy

  • It sounds like pretty normal behavior. I would say at this point you're overthinking.

    • Really? Is it normal for a man not to hold the woman and just have a friendly conversation after a night of intimacy, without even mentioning what happened the previous night?

    • Maybe he was just awkward and didn't know how to react. I honestly don't know him or you. he could have been behaving normally (according to his patterns) but you were expecting something different after the sex.

      He took you on three nice dates, not hookup dates, and it's only been a day or so. Talk to him today and see how he is.

Have an opinion?

What Guys Said 1

  • Your age is late thirties? ?
    It is complicated

    • Yes, we both are in our late 30s. I'm divorced, no kids. He has never been married. This is my first time back in the dating game after a LONG time. I don't know the rules.

What Girls Said 4

  • maybe because its just your 3rd date? do you go out with him other than in dates? do you spend time with him? some regular quality time and get to know eachother time works best

    tbh this is why im not into fast relationships, in many countries this may be the norm but its too fast in my opinion

  • Just ask him out for another date. See how he responds. If he keeps finding excuses not to see you anymore, you've been played. But it's only been a few days. Don't worry about it, yet.

    • He has always been the one to ask me out. He initiated all contact since we met, planned our dates, etc. For me to do the asking out after this would be telling.

    • So? All the more reason why it could be your turn next. Just ask him if he wants to grab a coffee or something. No biggie. At least if he finds some excuse, then you'll know for sure that you were played... instead of waiting for him to contact you for weeks. It would be over and done with.

  • I always believe, if you think you are being played, you probably are. I go with my intuition, its your inner GPS and directs to to the right conclusion, people may lie, we can even fool ourselves sometimes, but intuition never lies, intuition feels what the eyes can't see, listen to what your inner voice tells you!!

    • But that's it, before sleeping with him, I never felt like I was being played.

    • sometimes it can take a while before you realise you are being played, be thankful that you didn't end up with the person you almost settled for. You deserve so much better. Everyone has been used in some way or another, and it does hurt, at least you have the insight to know when you may be being played. The positive side to it is, this has taught you one thing about yourself, this isn't the type of relationship you want, and next time you may see the signs earlier, and get out. You sound like a strong person, and you obviously know your own worth, good luck

  • Well a big red flag for me is that your previous dates have all been with his friends. And that one time you guys go out alone, you end up in bed. Unless you guys have great telephone conversations, I'd say he isn't that interested to get to know you, I could be wrong. Whether or not you're being played depends on what you ultimately want from the relationship...

    • Actually, the first date was one on one. It was only during the last hour of our date that we met up with a couple of his friends before parting ways.