Why doesn't he treat me the way he used to when we first started seeing each other?

I have been dating a guy for about 4 months. When we first met he used to surprise me with flowers and little gifts every so often. In return I would do the same and have contined too. In the last 2 months he hasn't been that same person I met. He offers to take his friends to leaf games and buys them expensive gifts and things like that and also spoils himself aswell. I've been so good to him and helped him out any way I can. He travels for work often and I watch his cats while he's gone and tidies his house too. I figured he would at least bring me something back as a thank you for watching his pets... But he never has. I'm not trying to say I should be spoiled or taken care of., but once in a while it would be nice to recieve something as Im giving my all and everything into the him and the relationship... Any advice...


Most Helpful Guy

  • Yeah, the advice I give you is to dump him ASAP!! He's a total jerk! He has grown tired of you and you may not be aware that he's found some other girl somewhere that he surprises now with flowers and little gifts ever so often like he used to do to you. I know, that's sad to hear this but he's not man enough to tell you the truth He wouldn't have had to continue to spoiling you at the same pace but based on the things you've been doing for him he most certainly could have been giving you some sweet little surprises from time to time. When a girl starts noticing a lack of interest from their boyfriends as compared to how he used to be, just know that there's a reason. It doesn't just happen because now he's "too busy" or "didn't have time" etc. I'd either have a talk with him and point blank ask him why his interest in your relationship has dwindled lately, or just dump him with a little explanation if you think that will make you feel better. A guy doesn't just go from being all sweet and giving his girlfriend flowers and nice little thoughtful gifts to doing nothing anymore with out a specific reason. It's your job to find out that specific reason or just let him go because it will only get worst. Or, by chance this could be a big wake up call for him that he's been taking you for granted and neglecting you and they try to make up. Good luck!


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What Guys Said 2

  • It probably is unlikely that he likes you less. What is most likely is that he doesn't know how to pace a relationship and set healthy expectations---in other words, he doesn't have good relationship skills.

    For example, if he didn't do any of those things at the beginning, but started doing them now, you would feel like the relationship was picking up speed and getting more intense, right? But since he did the opposite (and it's unrealistic to maintain that kind of frenetic pace he was doing) he set you up with unrealistic expectations of what a relationship would be like with him.

    Now, it's impossible for me to tell you whether his interest in you has faded or not, because what I described and what he would do if he was less interested would look the same or similar. But at least you have another possible interpretation other than him not caring.

    Although it is a little bothering that you've continued to do all those things and he hasn't, so give it a little more time to see if you can tell what it is for sure.

    • I have asked him if this relationship is something he wants, and his reply was to be honest it wasn't my first intention when I met you, but as I got to know you more I really started to enjoy seeing you and spending time with you. He also said that because he is recently divorced that sometimes he doesn't know how to be a boyfriend.. ( but he sure acted like one in the beginning) I know I have to talk to him about it but Does it seem like I'm only upset because he doesn't buy me things? I'm afraid that I'm making myself look like I'm some sort of gold digger.. But for the way I treat him I feel I should be treated differently

    • I don't think you sound like a gold digger at all, don't worry about that. Like I said, he started things off with a sweep-you-off-your-feet campaign, and there's no way to maintain that kind of behavior for an extended period, so it naturally feels like a let-down when the honeymoon fades (and he even admitted to not knowing how to be a good boyfriend--which may be something to think about).

      I suggest maybe doing a little less for him. When he said "as I got to know you more I really started to enjoy seeing you and spending time with you"--that phrase has me wondering, because he is doing less but you are continuing to do a lot. If you relax the amount you are doing for him, will he want to stay around?

      If he sticks around after you do less, then maybe the two of you may have something that you can work with. I would just suggest not to get too attached just in case, but hope for the best.

      Make sure you go out on a date or two without him, may get you feeling charged ;)

  • LEAVE. Seems like he's losing interest!


What Girls Said 1

  • The honeymoon phase is over. Thats all. Now you have to decide if you want to se show things go. Another thing you should be aware of is that he's apparently gotten pretty comfortable with you taking care of him, when its suppose dot be a two way street.

    • That's true is could have just been the honeymoon phase that's faded, and I do want to continue to see if things may change. He's made promised to do this and that and I want to see if he can keep his promises.. But if not then I guess he's just not the one

    • Exactly. But don't beat yourself up over it, just take it one day at a time.

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