I have manually created a lot of baggage for myself?

I have never been on a date but have the mindset of someone who's been hurt a lot in the past.

Over the past four years, on all sorts of forums, I have read thousands of stories of people getting led on, cheated on, dumped for no reason or GIGS. Or parental disapproval or other relationship-related malfunctions.

I have always wanted a girlfriend (since the beginning of my capability of romantic and sexual attraction to the opposite sex) and have had dreams, but now at the same time I am really scared of getting hurt and those stories I have read becoming a reality for me. It's like I have manually created unnecessary baggage and trust issues for myself now.

It's not like I have an opportunity to be in a relationship (since I am awful at talking to girls and everything that corresponds to relationships). I mean I am so bad that I can't even get friendzoned.

But even if I did, I would probably end up ruining it with all these insecurities and artificial baggage. I have this tendency to worry about bad things that may happen in the future, obsessively even. That's what I am doing here.

I am looking forward to getting therapy soon, and while I am happy that I am aware of all the things that can go wrong in a relationship, at the same time I am pissed that I already have this baggage, unnecessarily.


Most Helpful Guy

  • I've answered very similar questions here, please read both of them:


    I also want to add that if you want to find the highest quality of love possible, you must first be the highest quality of person first, this means working on your character, beliefs, education, ambitions and future. Once you've become the person you want to be, you will not only find better quality relationships naturally, you will also cherish and hold dear to you the ones that don't for the wisdom they imparted, instead of contempt or bitterness.

    The good thing is that you seem to be very intelligent, I'm glad you don't want to continue with this corrupted mindset. If you like what I had to say but don't think I cover everything, or have further questions, let me know.

    • I am actually the guy who asked if I will ever succeed in getting married. :P

    • Show All
    • Even then, it won't make a difference. The damage is already done.

    • Of course it would make a difference. You said it yourself, it is almost an addiction. Just like any addiction to get cured you need to stop.

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