Lying to potential date partners?

Okay. I've never dated before. In fact, until last weekend, I've never been on date before in my life. I'm over twenty years old. Every relationship I've been in has been with men I'd known for years upon years. And every relationship lasted over a year. My shortest one ended on our first year anniversary--I broke it off. Every relationship I've been in has been abusive in one way or another, but the last one was the worst. It was the second one to venture into physical abuse (the first one ended after two years, one year of being his girlfriend and one of him stalking me until I moved,) and I broke up with the first one and fought back, put him in the hospital several times, but he continued to stalk. The second one, most recent one, was somewhat worse. He started with emotional abuse, verbal abuse, and mental abuse. Criticizing me, doing things I'd told him I was uncomfortable with (Describing my nipples to his friends) and keeping me from my friends and family. Every time I wanted to go see my family, he would take a giant fit (we'd lived together,) and if I spent more than five minutes talking to a friend, or anyone, he would get jealous and angry. While cooking, every five minutes he'd have to have a hug. He'd yell at me for going outside without permission. We got engaged, I got pregnant. And then the physical abuse started. First with simply pushing me, so I didn't put two and two together. I had this ridiculous idea that it's not physical abuse unless it's in the face, or it hurts. But I have a high pain tolerance, so most things don't hurt. He choked, punched, slapped, pushed, jumped on me, twisted my wrist, headbutted me. None of it hurt, he hit like a girl, so it was hard to define it as abuse. But when he slapped me, I kicked him out the next day. I just started dating. Guys asked where the father was, and I first said I didn't want to talk about it. They kept pressing. So now I just tell them he's dead. I don't want to bring up the past. Opinions?


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  • No you don't say someone is dead when they aren't. Be honest. It sounds like you should seek professional help aswell to talk through what has happened to you. You seem to have gotten into a pattern of choosing bad guys and you should figure out why that is before even thinking of dating again.

    • Already did all that. I took a long dating break. I already know why I did it, and by dating, I don't mean anything ever serious. For a long time. I mean casual, having fun. And I really don't want to bring up the past with someone I have no intention of marrying, so I really don't want to tell them the truth. Problem is, even when I say I don't want to talk about it, they keep pressing for more information. Bringing up the past rarely serves a purpose. How do I get them to stop asking? I've tried everything from telling them I don't want to talk about it too walking out of the restaurant, too lying about his death. How do I get them to successfully drop a subject that I obviously don't want to talk about?

    • Just be honest. You don't have to elaborate but when people are evasive it makes others curious or concerned.

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