Witholding information is the same as lying to someone your dating?

Why do many feel if they don't ask I won't tell. What happened to being completely honest.

( I have a guy that believes that and of course I found out that he was a cheater, he had a baby on the way and basically wanted to live a double life after doing my research on him of course) lol

Do guys/girls not understand that witholding information can negatively impact relationships, or do they just love avoiding serious conversations. 😕💔

Why lie.

A little backround we dated for a month.

He brought me lunch to work I met his friends. He visits etc. And then i find out on social media he had a girl pregnant and then cheated on her (August.)

I started talking to him the 1st of October and we dated that whole month.

He doesn't feel like he lied. But I cannot trust him. How do you forget to mention a baby. I see that I probably did not mean much to him at all. But he still is reaching out to me. It hurts because I was honest.
Thank you for your responses. Everything makes much more sense now. I guess this is why women have trust issues. 😔


Most Helpful Girl

  • Withholding information is his whole game. Sadly, it's not the same as lying, because "lying" is "intentionally conveying a false truth". He didn't tell you anything untrue by telling you nothing. In other cases, with people who are not cheaters, the past is the past and should stay there, unless the past can potentially come back to bite you. Like STDs. If you have one of those, obviously you should share this. And kids. If you have kids, even if you're not in their lives at all, you should tell your partner. I'm adopted. I wanted to meet my biological parents. That being said, either of them could have gotten surprised by me suddenly showing up.

    This guy had no real intention in building a serious meaningful relationship with you, no cheater ever wants that while they're sill sleeping around. Therefore he didn't care about the negative affect he was potentially setting up. Decent, non-cheating people won't withhold important information from you.

    • Wow thanks. I figured he didn't think we would get serious. It hurts tho cause we were talking for a month. Like and I met his friends. We went out. And for all that to happen. It made me feel like he wasn't who I thought he was.

      Thanks for the answer. It brings me much clarity. 😳😔 I hate feeling used. But better now then later.

    • Show All
    • I will try not to beat myself up about it.

      We never had sex tho so why did he even bother. I told him from the beginning, that I wasn't going to have sex with him. Why would he still pursue me when I made it clear.

    • He either thought it was a challenge, or he just wanted to ego high off having two women.

Have an opinion?

What Guys Said 5

  • All the information about someone is not socially done; I have a rich history and haven't told much about my life to anyone because there was never a reason to. Why would I bring up memories of my first day at pre k? I'm not withholding it or lying since it not something a person would usually ask about.

    People seriously love avoiding those serious conversation since it's the easy way out. While withhold information since it can break the relationship; if you knew that this one small piece of information can stop me from being hired I'll never speak about it.

    • Thanks for the response. But if that information can affect a relationship. I think you owe it to that person, To let them know. But I guess that means nothing to guys now.

    • Guys and girls withhold it because they see the relationship perfect and no one wants to lose a good thing. You're right I think people are do answers; before you entrust much time

  • Frankly because we have learned that girls actually like to be lied to (most girls..).
    Witholding is not the same as lying... i know because i stopped lying to girls years ago. I didn't care that girls like to be lied to. (until they find out its a lie). plus.. you girls lie all the time... so.. c'mon, its even.
    as for a baby on the way, that was important info, that was a deep lie, thats serious.

    • We don't like being lied to. I think we like to hear nice things. So it's not being lied to that we enjoy. I am honest and understanding. I don't lie when in a relationship. Even if it hurts to talk about it.

      I know. He fucked up it hurts. Like how would he feel if I was pregnant and I failed to disclose that information.

      Thanks for responding tho.

    • oooh.. nice one... but you failed using the pregnancy example... thats permanent. we are talking about white and brown lies... not real (can't change it lies)

    • I can see both sides here. Woman have a double standard in a lot of areas. We want the truth, and we only want to hear certain things. We demand an answer to questions that have ugly truths and we demand the truth, and we demand a pretty answer. Women get too caught up in image alone, and assume that men can't love them if they're not pretty on the outside. The problem is, no two people, have the same opinion on what is beautiful. So asking your man if you look pretty in a certain dress when he finds the dress hideous will give you a false positive. He still think YOU look pretty, but not with the horrid thing you're wearing. LOL In any case, most people learn to look past superficial beauty when they grow and mature, and women need o learn to accept compliments for what hey are and stop reading too much into every little damn comment!

  • I agree. Not telling, while not technically lying, is just as harmfull and should be reated equally. I'd rather want to know about your crazy ex BEFORE he attempts to murder me.
    The past wil always return to bite, so i'd like to know. Also, ignorance may be bliss, but eventually it'll come to the day, and then it's no longer ignorance.

  • Why lie? Lies get you further than just what you want if you like correctly. If a guy told you he's a virgin, that lives with his parents, and don't pay rent cause he ain't got a job... Would you really want spend 50+ years with this guy. Why not say he had 2 girls before, lives with his roommate, and he got a job. Lies to get what he want... Sounds a bit Bette right. Well that's the only reason just to answer your question. Just make an imagination possible.

    • It depends how he says it. If he is content with his situation then it's a problem. If he has goals and aspirations and have been through things I feel like I would be understanding. But that's just the kind of person I am.

  • no it's not you are technically being honest and not lying but your aren't being transparent it's what politicians do all the time they aren't necessarily liars but they aren't candid.


What Girls Said 3

  • Because sometimes it is the best decision, other times it isn't. It's usually only the best decision when it has the unknowing persons welfare at heart.

  • he's cunning, devious and deceitful, witholding that sort of information tells me he's not just a liar, but that he's probaby a sociopath,

  • Some people lie because they want to protect themselves and stuff or either to keep the truth away from the relationship so they can be with you rather than you leaving them in a relationship but what most people don't understand is that either way the relationship might end because a relationship built on lies isn't good. Anyways it's jsut human nature for us to lie, everyone lies and no one hasn't lied in their entire life.

    • Right. But I am a open person and I adore honesty and being able to communicate with a man knowing he is telling the truth. I hate the feeling that everything that we had was built on a lie when I was honest. It just hurts. But thanks for your response.

    • Totally agree with you! I've been hurt by a guy who wasn't being honest with me as well.