Fight with my girlfriend; haven't texted each other all day?

I've been with my girlfriend for over a month; she's 17 and I'm 19 living with our parents if it makes a difference. We got into our first fight this week. Her last boyfriend didn't let her smoke weed, but I don't mind such things so she's started back again. I was surprised to find out that she's actually kind of a pothead. She called me asking could I buy some for her and she'll pay me back on her payday. I had to make what money and gas I have last so eventually she started relentlessly asking her brother could he take us and I can ride with them so I did. Come to find out she buys weed from this house that several guys live in. Either her older sister or brother takes her typically. She told me one dude hit on her sister, and they asked my girl herself if she had a boyfriend and she said yes, and they said "If he messes up then FWM". When she came out with it she said the guys asked did all of us want to smoke inside knowing her boyfriend was in the car apparently, but her brother wasn't having it. When we were alone later that night I told her I didn't like the fact that she went to some guy's house for weed and told her to just let me get it to her from now on. I also asked her how would she feel if I bought weed from a bunch of girls who asked if I was single and did I want to smoke with them. She never gave me a straight answer to the question, instead she just explained she didn't want to bother me to get her weed cause I act mad about stuff like that sometimes, which is true, but I'd rather her bug me than do that. When I realized she wasn't gonna straight up apologize and agree to not go to those guys anymore, I told her "night". She tried to kiss me, I didn't kiss her, she asked me "So you're not gonna kiss me?" and I ignored the question and said something about she needs to get in. Neither of us has texted in 24 hours since. I don't want to give in and text her, since she's in the wrong, but this is messing with me. I need opinions.

Well, we went all of yesterday not talking to each other and she hasn't messaged me today either. I guess she's trying to do the same thing I'm doing: Hold out and make me come to her first. I'm not willing to submit to her when she's the one in the wrong though. I'm not the one who regulars a house filled with members of the opposite sex for weed here. I'm the prosecutor, she's the defendant, and I feel if she can't reach out to me then she must just not care.
She finally messaged me angry at me for ignoring her, so we ended up having a lengthy discussion about it and resolved things. She's not going to go to that guy's house anymore; we have an understanding. I'd say, all in all, we made it through out first fight unscathed.


Most Helpful Girl

  • Are you really sure that you want to be with a girl who smokes weed? Seems that you're a really nice guy. You deserve someone better.

    • It's not really a big deal to me unless her life just starts to become consumed with marijuana and it's affecting her life in other ways than just a recreational high. This situation is more about the other guy's house than it is about the weed, the weed is pretty much the McGuffin of this story in a sense. It's like, here I am offering to make sure I get it to her, and she's still saying she wants to go to these guy's house because it's more convenient and probably quicker. Now if she needs weed so bad, that she can't even potentially wait a little longer to get it courtesy of her boyfriend, then at that point she is putting the weed over me, and that's a problem.

    • I know it makes you feel bad to think that she would choose something else over you. I guess you really love her because you are willing to put up with all this stress that she is causing you. If it makes you unhappy that she doesn't agree with what you want to do, and if she keeps doing what makes you unhappy, what's the point of staying in the relationship?

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What Girls Said 2

  • You're both in the wrong. Despite the moral and legal issues of what she is doing, it's her choice, not yours. You can't change her. If you can't handle this, she's not right for you. She also doesn't seem to respect you, nor does she seem to care how her habits are affecting you.

  • Well, you know girls get real bad when they smoke weed.. If you know that it's not good, Then why do you let her smoke again in the first place? So it's not just her fault.. Don't blame her for all this problem.. You're the one that started it.. But I'm not saying like it's a bad thing... I'm just saying it in my POV.. So do you love her? I know you do.. But does she feel the same way? I'm not sure.. She disrespected you by smoking with guys.. But I think she's not herself.. She's the immature, smoker kind of girl... Not the kind of girl you fell in love with.. Right? :) So, I don't ask you to force her to stop, because you have no right to do that, it has to come from her... But you can confront her and ask this very common question that 90% works in every relationship... " It's either me or the pot " ;)

    • Again, I don't even think smoking weed is a bad thing; I'll do it with her. If anyone on here feels like it's a bad thing you are entitled to that opinion, but you're missing the entire principal of the situation. The problem is the fact that she's going over to a group of guys that I don't even know to get it (not that me knowing them would make it okay either). I told her to just let me handle that for her and don't go to their house. I don't mind her being a stoner and I'm not trying to make her quit weed. Once again, i just want her to stop going to that house full of guys to buy it. But you are onto something with the ultimatum you recommended giving her. Either she gives up going to those guy's house to get her weed and just lets me handle it instead, or we break up.

    • I know that you wanna be protective and all, and it's a good thing... But think, why did she goes to a house full of guys and buy weed? Because you let her smoke in the first place !! You should care that it'll affect her health and her social relationships... She's hanging out with a bunch of fucked up people !!! But if you want to handle it, then fine.. Just go, tell her how her behaviours are affecting you, and tell her that you really care about her, tell her that you wanna help her.. and all those things you meant.. But if she stills do her thing, then I guess you can only pray and hoping that she'll stop one day...

What Guys Said 3

  • I wouldn't cave in and text her, if you do this you'll appear weak in her eyes and this will cause all manner of disrespect on her part towards you.

    I would argue that she is already disrespecting you and is refusing to take into account your feelings, she's young, she's naive, she's immature, she's 17. That's all there is to it.

    If I was in your shoes, I'd break up with her. You're 19, you're young, you've got so many good years ahead of you, so why waste those years on a girl that clearly isn't worth it? Just my 0.02.

  • You're wrong for withholding your love (kissing), when you both non verbally agreed to drop the issue. She is wrong by putting herself in that situation tho.
    If I were you, I would text her apologizing for how you took it, but not for what you said. She shouldn't be putting herself in a situation like that. She can always have the guy meet her publicly to make the trade.

    • I didn't agree to drop the issue; I just had nothing more to say for her since she didn't want to admit the error of her ways or say she's going to stop. I don't care if she smokes or not. I know some people think it's wrong and the legal ramifications of it, but that's not the issue I'm concerned about. If she wants weed, she should have me arrange for her to get it, not go to a house filled with a group of guys that have flirted with her. I don't care if she think it's more convenient to just go to them than to have me set something up, because I feel like that's disrespectful to me as her boyfriend and she wouldn't like if I did the same to her with a house that a group of a girls live in. It's not a matter of whether she should smoke or not or what's the most convenient way for her to get it. It's about her respecting me as her boyfriend and not doing stuff like that. I'm not trying to change who she is or what she does. If you're gonna smoke, let me arrange it, don't go to them.

    • That was my point. By just dropping it and not saying anything, it's pretty much agreed that whatever the disagreement was about is over. You can't hold it against her if you aren't going to deal with the problem.

      But yes, she shouldn't do that. You should text her and talk about it tho.

    • It's deciding between being right or being happy.
      It's better to get the conversation going than not open up and talk at all

  • She sounds immature, which is to be expected, dont pussyfoot around either, let her know if she's not going to respect you or listen to you then you are done with her, but also give her a 2nd chance she didn't really do anything that bad. Also should probably lay off the weed