I met someone I like a lot, but I'm afraid of a guy too close to me right away. What should I do?

I met this guy in a group I joined at my university. He's the most attractive one in the group, very outgoing, lots of tattoos, very edgy and different. And then he started to gain interest in me, so we started talking more and when we hung out alone for the first time.. we walked around town and kissed on a roof (very romantic). We talked about ourselves what we thought of each other and he is actually really really sweet. Like more sweet and down to earth than I imagined.
And this is a problem, because I'm not looking for anything serious or to the point where I want someone to get to know me. i have commitment issues, and my ex still talks to me and makes me feel bad for talking to any other guys. It's just weird to me how fast me and this new guy are getting along, and how similar and drawn to each other we are. and I'm not ready but he is so sweet, and I like him probably as much as he seems to like me (he seems really interested, and treats me like a woman and not an object).
Weirdly, I was hoping he would be more of an aloof, distant person because I'm only looking for someone as a casual partner. I really like him, and I want to get close to him but I'm afraid of him not liking me and my imperfections...

Any advice? or personal experiences?


Sorry the main question is: I met someone I like a lot, but I'm afraid of a guy getting*** too close to me right away. What should I do?

Typo :)


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What Guys Said 1

  • Personally I've been hurt by someone for similar reasons. It was going well but they had issues and weren't ready for a relationship , which I was fine with. I waited a while for them, gave them the time they asked for, but over time they just distanced themselves until I took the hint; which at the time was quite confusing and upsetting but that's life. But in my opinion you've got a few options:

    1. You tell him you don't want a relationship, point blank. You can't play with the guy and lead him on, if you're not looking for something long-term, and he is. If you don't tell him, eventually he'll put you on the spot and ask, or he'll feel hurt and inadequate when you dont commit; and he'll leave.

    2. You tell him you're not ready for a relationship, but you don't want things to end with him. He could turn round and say no that doesn't work for me, or he could turn round and say that's works perfect for me. But you'll never know until you ask.

    3. You could give him a shot. If this guy is how you describe him, and he makes you happy, and you can't see this changing (although nobody can predict the future) then why not take a risk? Have you ever thought that this guy wants to get close to you because he doesn't care about your imperfections, and genuinely cares for you?

    At the end of the day he's taken a risk by becoming involved with you. Unfortunately, if he is that handsome, sweet and down to earth, you will not be the only person who knows this... You have to take risks to seize life, or you can hide away and regret.

    On a side note, your ex sounds like a pretty negative influence in your life and I don't know why you would still talk to them. You should move on and focus on someone who will actually make you happy; they're your ex for a reason remember.

    But the moral of this post is that you have to make something you're not happy/comfortable with known to the other person (regardless how long the relationship is). If you don't you can't fix it.

    • Thank you for this. So thorough and helpful. I think I might take the risk, regardless of the fact that he might have so many other people after him and that I'm afraid of getting too close because of my insecurities and perfections. I'm thinking of getting close to him as a friend/crush and develop a mutual closeness with him before I decide to do anything sexual with him. I want to wait until I'm comfortable and be sure that I'm not just another easy partner (which im sure he's had in his day because of how attractive and kind he is). My ex can deal with it because I deserve to be happy. But im the type of person that needs trust to develop before anything else, is very important to me. Thanks again :)

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