When asking a girl out for the first time, should I make it clear it's a date?

I've actually asked the girl the question, and I said that I was "asking her out for lunch".

I don't know if I should have said it differently though. Should I have been obvious and said I was asking her on a date? I don't really know her that well though.

And any suggestions on what I should say for the second time if this first one works out?

  • Mention to her that it's a date
    Vote A
  • Don't tell her it's a date
    Vote B
Select age and gender to cast your vote:
I'm a GirlI'm a Guy
Okay, so this first one DID work! XD And we didn't just do lunch, we did window-shopping and movies, held hands (for a few seconds), and saw her home (we were out till dinnertime). So it ended up being a date without me saying so. :)

She rejected me when I asked if we should start going out for real, since this was her first time and she didn't know me yet, but she seemed really happy. So should I say it's a date for the second time? Or would it be pressurizing her?
The 2nd date failed... She was uncomfortable cause I said it was a date, and she started avoiding my messages. I tried to say it'd just be like the previous time, nothing's changed, but I don't think she read it or ever going to, because she didn't reply and it's been over a day.

I'm afraid it might be over..


Most Helpful Girl

  • good for you for the first date! :) is the girl younger than you? that may explain why she may be inexperienced. but hey, text her! (if you don't have her number, please get it :P). message her on facebook. or even whenever you see each other by chance and you both have the time, engage in conversations. she doesn't know you YET. but that can be easily changed just by talking to her! :) and then after knowing her a bit more, tell her (if you still want to date her) that you want to try a second date with her :)

    • Thank you! :) Yes she's younger than me by 2 years but she's about my equal in terms of career progression haha.

      And yes I have her number but I'm scared of texting her with nothing to say lol. I think we both chat far more lively and enthusiastically in real life. Especially her, she texts one-liner replies and doesn't start a new conversation topic, so the conversation stagnates. And I also have emotional/neediness issues with texting, from past experiences.

      So I thought I shouldn't leave a bad impression by trying to text (and failing horrendously). :) But I don't think it's a good idea to tell her that either (lol), so I figure I'll just text her occasionally and leave the chatting to real life. :D

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    • Thank you! I think I'll call her on this weekend hehe. :)

      Yes university is crazy tough near the end (first few years were just having fun lol), but if you love what you do you can pull through! And snatch up any opportunity to build your portfolio/resume too. :)

    • ugh, so much stress! :P good luck with the call :) she seems pretty awesome so she should be cool with it :)

Have an opinion?

What Girls Said 5

  • You might as well just write "friendzone me" on your forehead if you don't tell her it's a date. Girls like it when guys ask them out with confidence and straight-forwardness. And you should def ask her out for a dinner date because going out in the morning don't usually count as dates. Good luck :)

    • Lol. Well... I basically texted her hi, asked if she was attached, and proceeded to ask her out for lunch. Is that straight-forward enough? :p

      I hesitate to call it a date because, a date feels like it should have hand-holding and all that stuff, and I'm worried this girl would be scared off by sudden things like that.

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    • that's so sweet :D and if you give her an early birthday celebration, she'll like you even more because you remembered!

    • But... I'm not supposed to know lol. She never told me. :p I only knew because I went to investigate her Facebook page. XD

  • To a girl there is a huge different between a "lunch date" and a "dinner date" when the two of you are a "thing". Yes, lunch is important but dinner is intimate. So if its just a first time eating lunch together I wouldn't mention it. If its a date, then it would be more than just a lunch, mid day dates usually start earlier or extend later.

    • So if I got you correctly, actual dates are far longer and can last the entire afternoon? So this short lunch doesn't count as one.

    • It would not be what many considered an official date no. Its something that needs to be established, kind of like a show almost, like how courting a woman in a time before ours. She may be wondering if its a date but unless its stated then no. Its like when you go out with the guys its food and xbox or sports, its an event. Different from just grabbing a bite to eat with a friend before off in a hurry to another thing. Dates are a bigger event, a bigger deal (watch some YouTube videos by jenna marbles about girls. she's got it all down)

    • It turned out well! XD We hung out after lunch for window shopping and movies until nightfall, even I had only planned to stay until mid afternoon, the movie thing was just something impromptu that she happily agreed to. Thanks for your advice. :D

  • Not unless she asks but if you plan to ask her out again... Make it clear...

    • Yes hopefully it goes well enough that I can ask her out again. And if I do I'll make it clear it's a date. :)

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    • So it went well and I want to ask her out again (see my update in the question!) Would being forward with the "date" labels be scaring her off, or give off too much of a desperate vibe? Seeing as I accidentally asked her if we should officially go out and be in an exclusive relationship. ><

    • Tell her you want another date or as many as it takes for her to decide if she wants a relationship...

  • What ever it's up to u

  • Since you don't really know her it's ok to not mention that it's a date, then afterwards if it all goes well ask her on a real date.

    If it's a girl that you've known for years though it'd probably be a good idea to mention the fact that it's a date though (just a word of advice for future reference)

    • She's not someone I know. But the day went very well all the same, it was more a date than a lunch in fact (see my update). Thanks for your advice still! :)

    • No problem. If I were you I'd wait it out a little bit before I asked her out again (maybe a week or two) so you don't weird her out by trying to push too hard though.

    • Lol yeah, I'm going to wait till the week after next before asking her out again. But I was thinking to call/text her up this weekend just to stay in touch. Hmm, not sure. ><

What Guys Said 1

  • I voted yes without reading the story, whoops.

    I would just take her to lunch, and not call it a date.. yet. If you guys hit it off, definite spark, then ask her out on a REAL date. Have something in mind when you do, best of luck!

    • I'll just mentally make a note to ignore that yes lol.

      Thanks for your advice! So I should keep this first session short and sweet. Even if it goes well? Cos I was originally planning to just walk around the town afternoon and have some desserts afterwards haha.

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    • Thanks for your advice, it turned out well! XD Because she was so willingly to, we ended up spending the entire day after lunch at the mall and movies, and I even got to send her home. :) (surprisingly we lived in the same neighborhood lol)

      She seems very happy to be around me, but still scared of committing - I'm thinking I should still continue to be forward but not pushy, if that works?

    • You don't even need advice at this point. You've got this, seems like you being yourself worked out fine, so continue :)

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