Why don't women date the "nice" guys?

I'm sure this is an old and redundant question, but why is it that the guy who is helpful, kind, and genuinely caring towards others doesn't usually get the girl. I've been placed in the "friends" category with at least 20 women whom I had been hoping to date. Those women would then go out and find a guy that they inevitably broke up with and either came back to me for support before going out with another one of those guys, or just disappeared from my life entirely. Seriously, is it my looks, or something else?


Most Helpful Girl

  • I did like 'nice guys' as in 'friend' guys if that's what you mean. But they didn't like me back! Or at least not tell me but they did seem like they did. It really depends on the girl. I actually found the nice guy attract first though... so he really had to look good which is why I became his friend. lol Yep it's shallow. But that's the truth. I find a lot of 'nice guys' were nerdy and did not care how they looked. The one I did use to have a crush on looked good and was really smart and nice and a good friend. I definitely would not go out with a jerk though- someone who talked sh*t. That's a total turn off.

    • I like your answer, and I wish more women I knew thought that way :)

Have an opinion?

What Girls Said 3

  • Different girls vary- but as of experience -- it's because the "nice guys" aren't "bold" "confident" and the other ones---they tend to be more "bold"

    and it's difficult because the nice guys? I mean I had a few crushes on a few- but I never told them because I assume I won't be their type--so it might be for some women.

    and women or girls like guys with confidence-extrovert. and sometimes nice guys aren't really or don't really provide that confidence or that "stability figure some women want.

    but different people vary in preference. ..

  • Like men, women like a challenge. And on average, a challenge often comes in "bad boy" packaging. A nice guy can be a great relief after a bad relationship, but, there's nothing more exciting than the "thrill of the chase. " When that element is removed, things get boring - fast. You can still be the nice guy, but, make the girls you're going after work for you a little bit harder than you have in the past.

  • I like nice guys...where are they?


What Guys Said 1

  • Whatever you do my friend, don't give up. You may simply have to change up your approach a little and experiment. I myself am a "nice guy" trying to reform himself...

    From what I've been learning, women aren't really much into "nice guys" who are indecisive, lack confidence, or are afraid to fully express their romantic or sexual interest (I'm not saying you're any of these things). Another thing "nice guys" may tend to do is either come off too strong, showing too much "romance" too fast (e.g., buying flowers and gifts, putting a woman on a pedestal, calling/texting a lot showering her with compliments, or revealing that you "like her" too early), or come off too weak, showing little to no romantic interest (e.g., becoming too much of a platonic "friend", saying only nice "un-controversial" things to women, not flirting with them physically or in conversation, being too available whenever they call, volunteering to help with any and all problems).

    Women seem to be more drawn to a man characterized by great self-confidence--a guy who goes after everything he wants in life and relationships, and one who isn't afraid of anyone's opinion and needs nobody's validation. Try to develop those traits in yourself.

    Some tips off the top of my head (believe me, I'm trying to get these things through my own head too):

    1. Approach an attractive woman with the intention to date her, not the intention to be her friend, and be willing to walk away (this is crucial) if she doesn't appreciate you as a dating prospect.

    2. Within even the first or second meeting, make your intentions to date her clear--ask her to hang out, or better yet, "tag along" in a specific activity that you were "going to do anyway", like take a walk to the bookstore or museum, check out a small local concert or art show, etc. This takes the pressure of a formal "date" off your own mind and hers. Exciting/fun physical activities, like paintball, rollerblading, jogging, etc. may even be better.

    3. Break the touch barrier--when making a joke, lightly touch her on the arm when you two are laughing. Gently guide her through a crowd with your hand on the small of her back. If you two are sitting right next to each other and are "accidentally touching" each other on the arm or leg, don't flinch--let it linger a little while. Simply touching creates a powerful bond with a woman.

    4. Assume the mindset, "I'm the man here, the leader, the decisive one. She's cute, but I don't need her approval--I already know my own value. What I'm going to do is have some fun...I'm going to see if she's up to snuff and a quality woman I can see myself with. In fact, I can even playfully tease her like I would a guy friend, disagree with her when my opinion differs, and say whatever crosses my mind. Let's see if she's worthy to enter my world." All the while, continue to be respectful.

    • 4 (cont'd.) When you can execute this mindset through your actions, WITHOUT appearing nervous in her company, she'll see you as a super-confident guy, very interesting, and a true gentleman, a good person, all in one. Forget about wondering "if she likes me;" if you catch yourself wondering that, turn it around into a more playful, "do I really like her? let's continue to find out..." Remember, you're in control.

      Above all, be persistent...

    • Read this question I asked and the response: https://www.girlsaskguys.com/Flirting-Questions/118382-im-not-that-great-at-cocky-and-funny.html -- you may find it insightful. Best of luck bro, hope these suggestions are as helpful and encouraging to you as they are to me.

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