What would u do if u were me (female with a guy problem)?

Been dating a guy for a a few month, but I've known him for 25 years. We've been really good friends that past 4 years, but ever since dating him, he won't return my texts until the next day if then nor will he call. I know he sees them cuz the seen stamp shows up. We are in a LDR, we live 3 hours from eachother. Two nights ago, I text him asking what time next wednesdsy he will be in my town. We are going to spend wednesdsy evening together, then we are both going out of town for Thanksgiving. by the way , he is originally from my town and his family still lives here. Anyway, he didn't answer my text. Finally tonight, i text him..."if ur not in town by 8pm, we won't be having a date night. I will meet u at x restaurant by 6. There... plans are now made. by the way, this shit is getting old" He text me back all pissed and making me feel bad, calling it a "hate gram" maybe it was


Most Helpful Guy

  • You did nothing wrong here and I say that as a relationship coach with years of experience in this arena. Here are the basics for why I say that:

    First and foremost, you both deserve equal consideration in the areas of communication and it's one-sided. You initiate and he responds when we damn well pleases.

    Second, his response calling it a hate game is putting the responsibility squarely on you which is garbage considering he was able to be incognito prior to that.

    Now--it's common for men to call women emotional or to get on women when they're doing nothing more than inquiring about time, commitments, communications, etc. What's worse, it's not uncommon for women to feel bad or even question themselves when they shouldn't. You teach people how to treat you and if you allow him to make you feel bad or to criticize your inquiries, you're saying he's right and you're wrong. Stick to your guns. Don't let him have his cake (sex, your companionship, etc.) and eat it too (talk to you and see you on his terms)

    • Yes thank u!! I try to see things from his perspective but he doesn't see from mine. And yes, him saying "hate grams" seems manipulative. Ever hear of the psychology term "gaslighting" ? I feel like he is gaslighting me and I don't like it!!

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What Guys Said 3

  • umm... i think that was an ultimatum... bordering on a threat. I can tell you are a woman that wants what she wants but damn.. i read you quotation thoughts and even i cringed... and i have nothing to with it lol... i can only imagine what your guy thinks... I've considered every factor..(yes.. all of them) and my simplest solution is that you need to back up a little... slow down. explanation?

    • It gets old... just saying. And by the way, it's not uncommon to ask what time I should expect someone to be in town by. I work night shift and need to know.

    • so then schedule... not ultimatize... I know you feel u don't have time to waste but patience is worth more than ultimatums... if he's not setting time aside for you... he probably doesn't want you honey...

    • I truer to schedule but he never got back with me. I asked him twice about his estimated arrival time. No response either time... that's why I gave it to him like I did. Anyway, I just ended it tonight. It's all about communication and that's something that went to the wayside after he asked me out. Before dating, it wasn't like this with him.

  • This guy is pathetic, its sad he's acting like a teenager when he's supposed to be a man! Wow sounds like my sisters husband...
    Honestly if I were you I'd start dating other men, and don't text or calk him even when he responds except to tell him you have plans already with no explanation and watch him crawl back to you.

    Although this is advice I usually give to younger people, you don't deserve to be treated like this:(

    • Yea, I just ended it. I tried calling but he didn't pick up so I left a voufemail. Yes, I dumped someone via vm... it is what it is.

    • Hell yeah, congratulations, he doesn't deserve you or your time.

  • I would stick to my guns. He's too goddamn old to not have this kind of shit together.


What Girls Said 1

  • Lol, I only wish I could be that blunt. Of course he replies to -that- text right away. Anyway, while I admire the way you called him out on that... It may have been better to let him know earlier on that this was bothering you, before the frustration built up, and give him a chance to get it right. I mean, really he should probably know better by now, but yeah, that's what I would've done.

    • Girl I have told him how it bothers me... oh how I've tried. This was the straw that broke the camels back for me.

    • Ohhh, yeah, if you've already tried and he's still doing that it's definitely not worth it. He shouldn't be surprised you got fed up with him.