He's mildly frustrated, but I need to wait?

I ran into an ex that things have ended badly both times that we dated. He quit his habits, realized his mistakes and is trying to clean his act up. While I have heard this all before I actually see the effort and genuine remorse for what he has done.
Last night while we were together and making plans for the week he mentioned us making our relationship official with a status. I told him I need a bit longer to be comfortable with it. He couldn't believe I said I needed more time when we have been spending a lot of time together for two months and feels I should know how I feel by now. I told him two months does not make up for years of him being shady.
Then a while later when he abruptly had to leave due to a work emergency he told me he hated to leave, but since I loved him he knew I understood. I told him we need to wait a while on declarations of deep feelings. And I could tell by his face he was crushed a little on the inside.
I tell him how much I like being around him, and the things I do like about him all the time, but still need a little more time to allow my wall down. Is it bad to be honest with him on that?


Have an opinion?

What Guys Said 1

  • no you did the right thing
    keep him motivated and on a leash so that he can understand the importance of doing the right things and sticks to them

    • Fair enough. I feel we can really make it work, but to say the last breakup was pretty bad is an understatement (it may involve some stealing). I mean he wants to pick up off of all the years of groundwork we have, but I need to know I can trust him which takes a little time (without telling him I don't want him alone in my house because I am terrified I may come home to nothing).

    • Show All
    • Exactly which is why I wanted to wait. I mean I love that he is making plans for Christmas, but if we get past that then I might give him the answer he wants.

    • gr8, hope everything goes the way you want it to be
      and may he realize yr worth and keeps himself in line

What Girls Said 1

  • No that is not bad to tell him this, i just had the exact same issue with my x he had a bad habit drugs, was cheating it ended badly. we were trying to work things out he was putting the effort in like you wouldn't believe he was working he told me that he gets drug tested it would never be like before, if he didn't marry me he would never get married he has never loved anyone like he loved me. Then one night i mentioned the woman he cheated with and I thought he was going to cry and he said why did you have to go and mention shona after everything that woman ruined us i hate her and beg you never to mention her, i felt so bad thought omg he has totally seen the error of his ways. and I tried to put the past in the past. But i thought of what his actions done to my children and it stressed me and i told him and he understood and i thought omg he actually realises. i thought I knew him too well but this time seemed different he had a restaurant he begged to take me too Sergio or something like that. said I was only person he ever wanted to take there. But i was right i did know him to well he was upto same he took drugs and thought I wouldn't know he was working away in wick and turns out he had some other girl there pfft. I would be careful and dont rush into anything because if he is anything like my x he may talk the talk but still wasn't walking the walk. good luck with that one you will need it. he maybe had a job but now he was in a better place to feed his habbit and make his other women less likely to be found out because he was working away. I honestly thought he had changed he even told me that the pooch we had together missed his mum and was depressed. Anything to get what he wanted he told me. So be careful very careful because although he cheated i felt for the other girl also because he had done the same to that poor girl too. He even tried to accuse me of cheating to even things out which I didn't i just stayed clear of anyone who was close to him.