How does one simply "start dating"?

People seem to act as if we have an abundance of dates, or not an abundance, but always some option. There are articles on the "most common" mistakes people make when they first start dating. People talk about their struggles in dating.

But almost never do I see anything about getting dates in the first place. That's what I want to talk about today (and have been trying to ask for a while). How does one simply "start dating"? Mind you, it's not as easy as simply asking. While I only really asked out about four girls over 2014, I made countless attempts to actually talk to girls and basically got shot down before I could make any moves.

People act as if the hardest part is asking out and rejection. It's not. Rather, it's actually talking to and flirting with girls, at least for me. Most people have the reverse problem. They talk and flirt fine but are too hesitant to make a move. I don't have much of an issue with rejection and actually asking out girls, but I never actually talk to and flirt with these girls that I am interested in, or rather I am not able to. That's what's demoralizing. I don't even get "friendzoned", so to speak. I never actually manage to have free-flowing interactions with girls. I don't connect with people.

I call them is the "mountain analogy". Other people are falling and dying on various parts of the mountain (representing common dating struggles), while I can't even get past th first row of the entrance line.

So it's not even that I suck at dating (which I probably will), but rather I can't start dating in the first place because I can't seem to get started. Again, I tried quite a bit over 2014.

I don't have "very few options" as people say. I have none. I am sitting here at y=0 and don't know hoe to start rising.


Most Helpful Girl

  • If you be creative, you can "ask a girl out" in the first conversation you have with her. You say you're not good with flirting and that's ok. Too often a guy turns a girl off with his flirting. If you're in school, you could casually ask a girl if she'd like to meet up with you at lunch (to talk about class or hw) or you could start a conversation about movies and ask her if she'd like to go see (insert new movie) with you. No, you're not specifying it as a "date", but it gets you both comfortable with each other. Then, you can confess that you think she's attractive and ask if she has a boyfriend.

    • Here's the thing though. Again, I can do that and have tried that. But that just doesn't seem like the best way - to ask someone out immediately, especially in high school. That may work in some other setting but even then your first conversation would have to be exciting and clearly a "hit it off" type to go that face. Like I'd Like to have to have some flirtation and/or banter and at least some indication that we are getting along before I actually ask her out, because otherwise it's just a crapshoot. Do that too many times in a high school environment and that can actually be detrimental for future encounters. In those type of settings, only someone like the highest status senior can successfully pull something like that off. The rest of us laymen (and I am actually lower in status than the average layman) are much better off trying to forge some sort of connection first and then you also increase the chance of the date actually being successful.

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    • Thank you. I'll see what I can do.

    • Np and good luck!

Most Helpful Guy

  • Let me tell you how I started one of my dates. A girl (knew her already 2 years) messaged me one day and after 2 hours of talking she asked me out. She gave me her number without even asking. We got out... flirted.. hold hands and hug and have fun. We didn't kiss tho (that's another story:P ). So, to date someone you get to know her. If you are interested and she seems a bit too, you ask her out and take action from that point. (Optional advice: don't kiss on first dates! Experience talking here). You want to start dating? Find a girl you are interested of and talk to her. Know her... flirt and ask her out. You don't have to stick on one particular girl. As long as it is just a date you can do it with more than one. But don't even think of doing this if you are in a relationship xD
    Take an example at my conversation. We started talking about our common interests. We supported each other on our dreams. And when the heat was up she asked me out. It's not really hard. The key is to stay calm and not be nervous. Or else... the game is lost! Experience talking here again xD

    • See that's the thing though. I am terribad at flirting with and chatting up girls as I said in my OP.

    • It all depends from experience. You won't learn if you don't fail.

    • Unless you are lucky, you won't fail xD

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What Girls Said 0

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What Guys Said 1

  • Are you using online dating?

    Are you in school?

    How are you meeting girls?

    • School, an outside orchestra.

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    • Never ever ever ever... in all those months since you started genuinely wanting a girlfriend.

      It's gonna happen. I know waiting sucks. It will. And life will get much easier if you go to college in terms of number of potential girls.

    • Like I said, I am basically paralyzed at y=0. No girls were interested in me, even as friends, let alone potential lovers.