I forgot how to be in a relationship. Any advice?

I'm 26 and lately I seem to have trouble attracting guys that I like, but I don't have that problem when it comes to guys I don't like or find attractive. I've been told I'm communicative and interesting to talk to and I've attracted many guys that I just don't find interesting that much. But when it comes to guys I find attractive or interesting I somehow show them that I like them and probably push them away. I don't do that verbally, but my non-verbal behavior says it all. And then I can see they aren't that attracted to me anymore or interested in me. I used to have boyfriends before, but for a long time I engaged in casual relationships that lasted approximately 3 months. Now when I would like to be in a relationship again it seems like I forgot how to do it. Does anyone have advice? I'd like to hear male and female opinions as well



Most Helpful Guy

  • I really like someone who has also taken the causal relationship approach. Here's what I can tell you that I've noticed - when she is engaged she is engaging. When she reverts to her casual relationship mode it is very obvious. The best way I can describe it (perfect for the time of year it is) is to refer to Christmas cards. Ever have someone send you a Christmas card with a note just for you? Now how about someone that included a letter about everything they did that year - some of which you did with them so you would already know, but since the letter was written to everyone it isn't persnally tailored, just generally informative? Which of those do you think builds a connection and strengthens a bond? When she is in personlized Christmas card mode it is *MAGIC*. When she is on form letter mode it feels like it's time to hit the road. in my opinion it has to be hard to switch from casual to committed unless you can easily change those behaviors. I can't say that is your problem, I can only say it's what I've observed from the other side in my situation.

    • I just seem to be in that engaged mode when I'm with the guy I like, I'm in love and I like to show it (again not verbally, but with my behavior, for example I sometimes get nervous), but I'm not sure if I'm pushing them away by showing them I like them. I don't switch modes with one person, I just get into those two modes depending on the guy :)

    • Okay, that's good. For us, she doesn't realize she's doing it. It is true if you come on too strong for too long it might be a turn off. I had someone that wanted to be in constant contact and know where things were going on the second date. She said she liked what I liked but it became obvious when we hiked that she wasn't up to it but also didn't want to admit it. Best advice is to be honest about who you are. Then, when you find someone great they like you, not someone you are pretending to be. And, sometimes there just isn't a mutual connection. Most of us have been on both sides of that. It's okay. Good luck

    • Thank you for the MHO!

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What Guys Said 2

  • i'm surprised, well no offense because the way i see it, for guys it's literally a matter of knowing how to get a date or relationship, for girls it's not since they don't have to approach, ask out, initiate things in the beginning

  • yeah I'm in the same situation , been single for a while now and having a hardtime getting back into the swing of things as they say. dating can be very tough if your not sure what your doing or not very good at it. maybe just need to try some casual dating until something good comes along that you find to date further


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