Is he putting effort into us? Or am I being unreasonable?

We met online and at around the 2 month mark, I broke up with him, telling him I didn't think he was making much of an effort. He was taken aback and said he actually thought I wasn't putting an effort in, since I can take a long time to respond to his texts and hardly initiated asking him out or texted him spontaneously. We talked it out over e-mail and I explained if I'm a work, I don't have time to text. And I mentioned for probably the 4th time that I prefer the phone and hate having convos over text. And that he never looked into getting more minutes and always evaded the q. when I brought it up with him.

I didn't expect him to care so much, so I initiated getting back together after meeting for dinner this past Sunday.

Here is a summary of our efforts since getting back together: After dinner on Sunday, I texted him good night etc. and he loved it. Monday evening he texted me, we had a little convo and I said I was going to put Skype on my phone. Tuesday evening I tried to Skype call him but realized it would suck up my phone data cause I don't have Wi-Fi at home. He Skype called me later and we Skyped on our laptops for over an 1h. Wednesday he texts me and I say just Skype me. We Skype for about 15 min cause he was doing work from home but he asks me out for the next day. Thursday afternoon while I'm at work, I text him asking how his work thing went. He loved it and we confirmed dinner for that night. We went out had a good time, he asked me out for Fri. but i couldn't. Friday later in the evening he texts me a one liner, hardly deserving a response. I joke back, which lead to a minor misinterpretation. I said he should have just called then. He agreed, but then we sort it out over text.

Now today is Saturday afternoon and I have not heard from him. I guess it's "my turn" to contact him, but I'm starting to think a relationship shouldn't be so much work. Shouldn't it just flow naturally? Shouldn't the guy be eager to hear the sound of my voice?


Most Helpful Guy

  • Relationships are work. There is no doubt about it.

    Both of you need to be finding ways to please one another. I am sure he likes hearing your voice, but it appears he also likes getting a text from you. It is not necessarily bad that the two of you are different. However if it is going to become who did what and when, then it is time to move on.

    Perhaps I am being a bit harsh, but it seems he is TRYING to do as you would like him to do, but you are quick to get frustrated with things. IF that is really the case, you either need to move on OR have a heart to heart, tell him you enjoy the in person interactions but you have to figure out this text/call thing. I mean if you really like one another and texting/calling is the only thing that keeps you apart that is silly. however given that this seems to be an issue, i am not convinced that is really all that is going on.


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What Guys Said 2

  • You both need to communicate more with each other. I don't mean small chit chats I mean real talk. Communicate how you feel, what you want from each other. Breaking up on one sided opinion usually leads to regrets. Try communicating first, telling what you want and listen to him telling what he wants then find a way to agree. A middle ground, a compromise.

  • I don't think there's a serious problem... just send him a kind text message to ask if he's in for a Skype... you know the magic drug in relationships is to talk.
    And these misunderstandings or setbacks will always happen... you're human beings you know. You both have your weak moments :-)
    You'll be okay for sure. And it was good hearing you again!

    • Thanks, Hans. Good to hear from you! ... And guess who the guy is... Yes, the same Belgian :S

    • Haha, you know: if you guys have been apart and come back together, that means a lot to your relationship. The sheer fact you put so much effort into this means you REALLY love each other.
      Thumbs up this story will become one of "happyness forever" :-)

    • I'm not sure about love, yet. But I see what you mean about valuing something that requires effort (on the both parts).

What Girls Said 1

  • Lol sounds like he's really making an effort, relationships aren't easy all the time they form & last from both people working together... I think you should try to be understanding & maybe get over yourself a little bit? I hope everything works out for you :)

    • I love how you said "maybe get over yourself a little bit", but I knew you meant it in the nicest way possible, lol :)

    • Lol I'm sorry