How do you "go out" with someone of the opposite sex and still expect it to be casual/non-commital?

Let's say you found someone you like. You ask them out.

Because you don't want to dive too deep, or appear needy, you try to make this "going out" casual. You don't call it a date. You don't hold hands. You don't talk about being together.

Is this the right way to keep it casual? How do you know when it's ready to take it to the next level?

-- Please avoid mentioning physical intimacy. Assume there is no sex or making out --


Most Helpful Girl

  • And that is how you make friends, not lovers or boyfriends/girlfriends.

    • Is that from your experience, or? Because in my experience, the last few times i was forward with asking a girl out on a date right off the bat, it didn't turn out well.

      Of course it can go both ways, well or not well, but I think there's been plenty of people advocating a casual relationship at first too, so it must work too.

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    • If they weren't comfortable, they weren't interested. When you acted uninterested, your friend became insecure. She probably just didn't know whether you still wanted to be her friend or not, hence taking the initiative more and being shy (insecure).

    • I see.. I don't have physical appeal so I suppose most girls are not interested from the get-go.

      Maybe you're right, but I don't know. She is my best friend, and I'm one of her best friends (and most trusted guy friend).

Have an opinion?

What Girls Said 3

  • If you're keeping things casual, the best way to do that is to just be honest. I'd say by date 3 some conversation should happen about what both parties are looking for. I would say those suggestions are great if you're not looking for anything but a new friend. If you're hoping it'll escalate some time in the future, then no. You'd be presenting yourself falsely.

    • Hmmm wait I'm confused. You mean be honest at the start, or be honest by date 3?

    • Some time between meeting 1 and 3 you should mention that you're not looking for anything serious.

  • It all starts with curiousity from both ends. They take time and effort to respond back to each other, share about what's going with their lives right now and let things unfold.

    • True. There is the risk that it'd run cold because what you said sounds like casual texting and not going out so often? But if it does fail I suppose it's fated to anyway. lol.

    • Well, lots of people are buried into their phone, texting and surfing on the net. And they spend lots of time on it. Are you both like that?

    • I think that's not a bad thing. Because to be honest, I don't know how I can communicate with the girl I like, if not for texting. It's so wonderfully convenient.

      See you just leave her a message, and she replies whenever she's free to talk. And if you so happen to see it and you're free too, bam! Instant continuous communication. We can text non-stop for an hour or more.

      Or if she's not free, she can still make a short reply. Leave it until the next morning, and resume.

      Whereas without texting, I'd normally only talk to the girl when we go out, and I don't enjoy going out very often - I need my alone time. And I don't think talking once every fortnight is a very good relationship.

      All my best friends are excellent texters. Those who aren't, well, I hardly ever managed to maintain a conversation with them.

  • Start from friends yes

    • That's what I think too, yes, but so many people also say to make it obvious and direct. >.>

    • I would just treat her like a normal friend since it should start from friends.

What Guys Said 1

  • Well you're more likely to land yourself a friend but if you stick to this pattern you have to be really flirtatious the entire time so that she can pick up on your intentions

    • I think for me, my intentions are easy to pick up because I'm a rather emotive and expressive person. Couple of friends have told me that I seem like a different person when I'm around girls I have feelings for.

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    • But again it's probably not to do with being too forward, but that being too forward can prevent a deeper connection from forming.

    • I see what you mean the only thing is you have to be ready to be a friend for a long time before you reap the benefits but good luck!

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